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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Only
Thursday, September 14, 2017
"Only" by Nine Inch Nails.

I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself

Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I can see right through myself

Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
'Cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(No it doesn't really matter anymore)
No it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore

Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself


---

I went out with a friend last night. We played pool (meaning, he explained how to play to me, and I was mindblowingly bad at it except for one amazing trick shot where I jumped the ball over another ball and hit one of my balls into a pocket) and walked around, then sat in a very fancy Target Starbucks and chatted. It was nice, I had fun.

He's very personable and easy to talk to, and I'd like to hang out more with him. We briefly talked about the possibility of hanging out next week, so I hope it happens. He said he'd take me to Sonic because I've never been there, and I've always seen the commercials and been curious. The closest one is... pretty far though. An hour away? Over an hour? I don't know.

---

I dreamt some things.

There was a church I was associated with and we were on a trip, but something went wrong, and those of us who were unaffected fled to a house for safety... I was alone in the entry hall when I heard a knock on the door, and I opened it and saw some of the church members, with an odd detail... they had fake looking black wigs on their heads, and I realized too late that they had been compromised and were going to hurt me. I couldn't stop them from coming in and I tried to flee to my room and lock the door, but I didn't make it, and they closed in on me.

I was with a group of people in his grandmother's house for the weekend. She had agreed to let us use the house while she was away... I was in a room that was only accessible through a crawlspace between the first and second floors of the house, and there were no stairs, so you had to climb a ladder to move between floors... I went up to the second floor to use the bathroom, and noticed blood, which I thought must explain the intense anger I'd been feeling prior. As I started to descend the ladder, I saw him, and I quickly got into the crawlspace and knocked over the ladder so he couldn't follow me, but he got into the crawlspace too, and then he was trying to get closer to me, and I was screaming at him to go away, trying to kick him so he couldn't come near, but he wouldn't leave.


---Edit---

Ran 1.5 miles and then did Turbo Kick. I really like Turbo Kick, maybe I should start going to the other class times as well.

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Running progress
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Ran 3.05 miles at the gym continuously. Well, "ran"... Had it set to lvl 1 incline, 6.4mph (9:22) up to 1.5 miles, so I wasn't even breathing hard for most of it. Stopped because my feet were getting too warm. Shoes don't breathe enough...

---

I think it's time for some self-administrated exposure therapy.

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Feelin' things
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
"You & I" by New Look.

I might have posted this song before, but I haven't listened to it in awhile and I like it. It fits my mood at the moment.

So I read The Lover's Dictionary by David Levithan over the past couple nights. It's very very quick to read, but oof, it hit me hard emotionally. The book is structured as a series of dictionary entries, each with a snippet of the story, and it's pretty amazing how much Levithan conveys in so few words. You don't get all of the details of the story down (it's about a relationship), but you get enough to feel a pretty heavy impact from the more painful entries. Or at least, I did. I imagine the impact is affected by the reader's personal experience with the themes described in the book.

Ummm... I didn't go to the gym today. :T Wasn't feeling it. I will go tomorrow though! And I'm gonna hang out with a friend tomorrow evening, so I have something to do. Gotta try really hard to eat before class tomorrow so that I have energy. I know I keep saying that, but I really should try. T_T

I have this feeling, and it's nice.
It's not... magical or mystical.
It didn't hit me suddenly or creep up on me.
Although I do feel constantly surprised by it, somehow.
It just feels real, and comfortable, and safe, and secure.

:)

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Need to work out more [DP]
Monday, September 11, 2017
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Don't feel like saying much
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Had an ECS meeting today and went to the gym. Ran 3 miles in total, not continuously, plus did normal Bosu stuff, Stairmaster, and squats.

Found r/killthosewhodisagree and have been browsing it a little. Made me think about how accustomed I've become to people making extreme threats of violence over disagreements in opinion. I know I was guilty of doing it when I was a teenager, but I'd like to think I've grown since then. Looking through the posts there was a bit shocking when I realized how normalized that kind of language has become.

Didn't get around to writing a piece for that guy yet... Trying to refine some ideas but I really don't like the prompt and it's sapping my motivation. I should at least write a critique for him though...

Mood was not good today, despite socialization/exercise/sunlight. Could be dietary, but I dunno. It's hard to tell when I just wake up feeling bad.

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Working with kids again
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Appetite is getting better, but for some reason all I want to eat is cucumber kimchi. Sadly we don't have any more at the moment.

Yesterday was my first day back the the church where I used to work... I'm in charge of a class of two year olds now. There are 16 of them on the roster, but I think we had... 12 or 13 of them on the first day. It went pretty well! We have quite a nicely behaved set of kids. Probably one of the only "bad" things was when I was changing diapers, and one kid just... man... it was like an explosion in there. My co-teacher and I were frankly shocked, because we hadn't smelled it or anything. And... there were no gloves, so I was using a pretty thick wad of baby wipes to clean it up. That kid's parents need to adjust his diet, because yikes.

A few of the kids were clinging to me almost the whole time, and when we took the class out to the playground (they get a half hour on the playground with another class of the same age), a couple kids from the other class decided they wanted to hang out with me as well, haha. One little boy just stood near me the whole time and showed me a flower he picked, then kept staring at me until I was like "what's your name?" He said "Nathan," so I told him my name, and then he smiled and kept staring at me. It was kind of weird, but cute, haha.

I've been looking at the analog glitch art of this guy named Rob Sheridan, and he linked a cool video on his Tumblr:

"INORI (Prayer)"


Also looked at the Flickr of the guy I'm doing the writing partner thing with... man, some of his photos of things are just stunning. I've been seeing some really beautiful things and I feel sort of inspired?
---

I've been trying to find this one song I heard at the gym for awhile now and it's proving to be very difficult. :(

Decided to take a break from the search and just looked up some old stuff.

"This Time (Klaas Remix)" by DJ Antoine.

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Slightly better but tired now [4P]
Thursday, September 7, 2017
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Abrupt turn around [4P]
Thursday, September 7, 2017
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