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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Can't you see what you've done to my heart and soul?
this is a wasteland now
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

“The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Camp Weedonwantcha
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Looky here
free counters
Thursday, December 3, 2015
"Money" by The Drums.

I wish I had enough money to buy people I care about presents whenever I felt like it. There are a lot of times where I see something and think "Oh, so and so would love that!" and I wish I could get it for them, but I can't really justify the expense. I like giving people things "just 'cause"... It's a less stressful/difficult way of showing affection or care than outright saying it.

Probably the same principle at work when I give people baked goods. Maybe giving gifts is one of the love languages I'm most comfortable with or something...

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Returns [5P]
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
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PL [4P]
Monday, November 30, 2015
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Assorted photos from Thanksgiving and before[2P]
Friday, November 27, 2015
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Jane Says [4P]
Monday, November 23, 2015
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Tuesday, November 17, 2015
I've been watching Adventure Time. This song is nice, but for some reason it feels sad. Maybe mono no aware.

"Everything Stays"... I'm sure this will be taken down eventually, or maybe soon.

Let's go in the garden
You'll find something waiting
Right there where you left it
Lying upside down
When you finally find it
You'll see how it's faded
The underside is lighter
When you turn it around
Everything stays
Right where you left it
Everything stays
But it still changes
Ever so slightly
Daily and nightly
In little ways
When everything stays

Something about it reminds me of "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails.

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here


Speaking of mono no aware, this story by Ken Liu is worth reading.

And since I'm on the topic of things that don't last, I watched this video this morning before I got up, unfortunately, and I guess it might have colored the rest of my day a bit.

A comment I saw said the title translates to "parakeet won't let his dead spouse go"... but the video is kind of self-explanatory if you watch it. It's not clear if the little guy even knows exactly what's happening, but regardless of whether he understands his girl is dead, it's pretty sad.


One of the callers I got at the crisis line tonight asked if I had ever been lonely-- constantly, every day, for a long time. I didn't know how to respond to him. We're not supposed to tell the callers about ourselves. He said that he thought if he just had a girlfriend, it would stop. In my head, I said sometimes that's not enough, and you still feel a deeper sense of loneliness that your partner just distracts you from for brief periods of time, but I didn't say anything to him. Eventually, he said "I guess you don't want to answer me."

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A minor achievement...?
Monday, November 16, 2015
I finally wrote up a small statement of purpose and sent it to the professors I asked for letters of recommendation from. I've been paralyzed with anxiety for weeks over that. Literally weeks. Months, even? But it couldn't wait any longer. I need to have those recommendations written, and I need to write the full six page autobiographical essay for the application.

It feels terrible to wake up every day and think about having to write something, and staring at a blank page, and having nothing come out, and feeling guilty, and feeling tired, and feeling like you're not allowed to do anything enjoyable until you finish. That's basically been my life for the past few weeks, excluding my responsibilities outside of the house.

It's been on my mind so much, all day, every day. I go to bed and lie in the darkness and think about it, or I stay up and try to distract myself so I don't have to lie in the dark and think about it. If I could fall asleep more easily I guess I wouldn't stay up so late.

Oddly, I did feel relieved a few days ago, which unfortunately only prompted me to put off writing the brief statement longer. Now that it's written, I... don't feel significantly better? Maybe because I'm not done yet.


In better(?) news, I got a new babysitting job offer! For $18-20 an hour, which is pretty luxurious compared to the $12 an hour I asked for my current babysitting gig. Gonna be rollin' in dat dough, assuming it works out.

Also, I've been skimming some etiquette guides, and I kind of wish that finishing school was still a normal thing. I feel like there's a lot I could learn from that. Sometimes I just feel entirely ignorant of social etiquette, and it would have been nice to actually go somewhere and be told the right way to do things.

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Sunday, November 15, 2015
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