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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bug
Buttersafe
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Broodhollow
Bullfinch
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Chainsawsuit
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Mirror
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
A decline, a drop off?
Monday, March 12, 2012
I don't know what this means for me.

I can't tell how I feel. Nothingness, in some way. Maybe numb. And yet, fully immersed in reality.

Goddamn reality.

I'm solid and I feel solid, but it's like I'm not really here at all. I don't exist, therefore my memories are not real, and the past didn't truly happen.

I just want to sleep, I want to be alone and sleep for a week, for a month. I don't want to participate in society for awhile.

What have I done?

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

From a past life...
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Well, not really from a past life, but it feels like it.

Listening to music I haven't listened to in a long time... bringing back memories of things that scarcely exist to me anymore.

Of course I know that they existed, and continue to exist, in reality, but within the sphere of my life, it's like they never did.

I have memories, but the subjects of the memories feel like they never existed in this life, for this version of me.

I remember someone singing, but it was to a different me in a different life.

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Adapting again
Thursday, March 8, 2012
So I was sort of derealized for... I dunno, 2+ years I guess?

And now I feel fully immersed in reality and it's unpleasant. It's just... weird. Things are all clear all the time and everything feels too... close.

Too real.

But that's the nature of reality I suppose.

I've been having trouble with my emotions these past few days. I'll... well, I won't really FEEL something, exactly. I'll have thoughts that would be associated with feelings, but the feelings themselves don't seem to reach me. It's really weird. It's making me somewhat more action-oriented than I usually am, though. Like, this not-exactly-emotions make me want to do things. And not good things.

I don't know... I'll figure this out eventually. I've always been able to adapt to these things. It just takes time.

I don't remember feeling this real before. I started feeling that haze in high school, sophomore year I think. So that would make it more like 4+ years where I was derealized/possibly depersonalized. And I never really thought much about what it was. I knew the terms, and I had considered that I might be, but it never REALLY sunk in. I guess it doesn't really matter, though. I'm just typing my thoughts out as they come, honestly.

...Think I might be sick. Having sinus issues. It's 1:22 AM, better sleep.

But first: I dreamt a scene, then thought I woke up from that, then thought I went back to sleep, and then in a later dream scene I was telling everybody about the dream I had had earlier, which, really, was just part of the same dream. My brain's going all Inception on me I guess.

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Pictures of stuff and a haircut [2P]
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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I haven't told many people this
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
But my grandma died Monday morning.

I'm not sure if I'm sad. I wasn't really close to her, as I think I mentioned before. And death is natural, of course.

The funeral is supposed to be the weekend of my dad's and boyfriend's birthdays. My family is going to fly out to Hawaii for the service, which will likely be small. Since my grandma had dementia, she didn't really keep in contact with her friends, and a lot of them are already gone anyway. It will probably be mostly just family attending.

That's all I really have to say.

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The Bullet Man and Green Whales
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Right before sleep
Friday, February 24, 2012
I tend to move into dream-thought-mode pretty quickly.

So last night(?) I was almost asleep and I thought about a large gathering of jungle animals watching a lemur do stand up comedy, and the lemur was like, "hey guys, so this thing happened..."

And then another animal stood up, and it was furry, and it said "was it because of this?" and it took a revolver and shot itself in the head.

And another animal piped up, right after that, "yeah, was it because of this?" and it blew its brains out as well, and several other animals stood up and did the same thing in succession.

Anyway, they all thought it was very funny so I guess the stand up show was a smash hit.

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Something I haven't mentioned
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My grandma, my last living grandparent, has been in the hospital a few days.

I think it was just an infection, and pneumonia, at first, and she was recovering from that.

She was in pain because of the tubes they had stuck in her though, and I was told that she would sometimes wake up saying "help... help me..."

She thought she was dying, so she told them to pull the plug, and they told her "no, you just had pneumonia, you'll be fine."

But then she had a stroke, and now they don't think she'll ever regain consciousness.

As per her wishes, they won't keep her alive needlessly, but they're going to keep her on the respirator until my uncle can go out and visit her, because he wants to see her before she dies.

My dad said he wasn't going to go, but he'd like to say a few things to her over the phone, even if she can't hear it.

He asked me if I would want to go to the funeral.

She isn't gone yet, we don't know when she will be.

I don't really feel much at all about this. Three other elderly members of my family have died within my lifetime-- both my grandpas and a great aunt. I understood what was happening each time. I don't remember ever encountering death and not knowing what it was.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel. Sadness? She's not afraid to die. I don't really know her all that well. She's had dementia for most of my life and that made it hard to get to know her.

But I never really knew any of my grandparents that well. My other grandma died before I was born, and her husband, my grandpa on my mom's side, kind of lost interest in me and my brother when we weren't little anymore. My grandparents on my dad's side lived in Hawaii, so we only saw them once a year, and my grandpa on that side died when I was... twelve, I think.

I have to go to school, just wanted to say something about what's happening in my life right now.

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