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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Sharp teeth test your skin
too late, you let an angel in
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita






TICoSME
Musicalities!
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Gotta write a poem
Friday, June 3, 2016
[2:20:18 AM] Me: Sometimes I just wanna talk and like be real mannnnnnnnnnn
[2:20:23 AM] J: LOLOL
[2:20:26 AM] J: just be reeeeeallllll
[2:20:34 AM] J: man you're so down to earth
[2:20:42 AM] Me: So down to earth and chill
[2:20:47 AM] Me: And laid back
[2:20:55 AM] J: i bet your skin is made of dirt and recliner leather
[2:21:22 AM] Me: They don't call me Muffin "Beef jerky face" Extraordinaire for nothing
[2:21:40 AM] J: fuckin beef jerky face oh god
[2:21:44 AM] J: the imagery
[2:22:01 AM] Me: I always feel like a dumbass when I laugh really hard at my own jokes but yeah the imagery is killing me
[2:22:14 AM] J: stop making me laugh in the middle of the night when i'm visiting family
[2:22:17 AM] J: -____-
[2:22:49 AM] J: i think i woke my brother up
[2:22:49 AM] J: oops
[2:22:56 AM] Me: Hahahahhaha, I'm sorry
[2:23:00 AM] J: yeah you better be
[2:23:15 AM] Me: Tears of regret wash down my beef jerky face
[2:23:24 AM] J: here i'll go wake him completely up to let him know you're sorry
[2:23:58 AM] Me: I feel like what I just wrote could be part of a really shitty, hilarious poem
[2:24:43 AM] J: i'm imagining the tears not coming out of your eyes, but just like, seeping out of the pores in your lower beef jerkey eyelids
[2:24:50 AM] J: LOL
[2:24:53 AM] J: write that poem
[2:24:56 AM] J: it's your destiny

Also I went to the Greek festival and a magic show and those were pretty fun things.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Thursday, June 2, 2016
I PICKED UP A PACKAGE TODAY AND IT'S THE GREATEST THING

---Edit---

Okay so here are a couple pictures!

J sent me a book, but he also drew something for me and put a budgie bookmark in the package.


And a closeup of the bookmark err pendant thing.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I love it so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!

Also here's a bunch of apricots we picked in my backyard.

Nom nom.

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One more [2P]
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Kind of a bust [2P]
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Not a tattoo [2P]
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Yesterday, today, and Swan Lake
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Gym time today: 1 hour.
Total this week: 1 hour.

The gym closed early yesterday because of Memorial Day, and I was too tired to do Cycle tonight, so..... yeahhhhh... I only did Bootcamp today. I mean, Bootcamp is the most intense class my gym offers, but still. :\ Lately I've been feeling less motivated to go to the gym... When I was going so much before it was kinda just because I was unhappy and needed something to fill my time, but I don't feel that way anymore. Maybe it's okay to only go for like 5-9 hours a week? >_<

Last night I saw X-Man: Apocalypse with Becka and some other people. That theatre was so nice. @_@ It had leather recliners for seats. Buuuuuuuut the tickets were $15 (3D screening). I don't know if it was really worth the money, haha, but I did enjoy the movie, to my surprise.

I got some po de queijo and edamame at the concessions stand, and they were horribly overpriced and didn't taste great, but oh well. >_>

After I got home yesterday I made some fish cakes. My mom boiled potatoes earlier in the day to make mashed potatoes, and she left me a couple, and I was going to make twice-baked potatoes at first, but I forgot that you can't really do that with boiled potatoes, only baked (right... that's why they're called twice-baked, not once-boiled-once-baked... derp ). Sooo, ended up peeling off the skins and making fish cakes with the potatoes, cheese, and some smoked salmon we had in the cupboard. Ratios of things were off though, so they kind of ended up being potato fish pancakes. -__- Whoops. I can think of a lot of steps along the way where I messed up, but it was late and I was hungry, so... whatever. Here are my accidental pancakes:


Today I babysat, and the baby fell asleep in the stroller. It was hot outside, and hot in the garage, so I didn't want to let her sleep in the stroller in either of those places, but I didn't want to take her out of the stroller either, lest she wake up. Soooo... I brought the stroller into the house... but then one of the cats decided to climb into the storage thing underneath the stroller. At first I tried to get it to move, but it wasn't waking the baby up, so I just left it...


Would have just written an entry yesterday night after I got home, but my internet went out, so I couldn't. :(

Going to a Bernie Sanders rally tomorrow. I'm not really sure what that will entail besides... crowds of people who like Bernie Sanders. Becka invited me to go, and she's super excited about it. I have a positive opinion of Bernie Sanders, but not to the point where I would have gone to this rally by myself. Hopefully it's... uhh... fun? exciting? good...? though.

Listening to the waltz from Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake tonight.

I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to this or hear the words "Swan Lake" without thinking about that man playing the guitar in the parking lot years ago. Looking back at my entries, I guess it's been close to eight years since then... I guess I didn't write about it too much at the time, but that experience really impacted me. Or well, obviously it did, since I'm here eight years later still thinking about it. Maybe when I'm old, if I have dementia, I'll just repeatedly talk about meeting him to whoever will listen.

And here is another classical piece I like better. I've heard this so many times but had no idea what it was called until just tonight. >.>

"Liebestraum" by Franz Liszt.

So beautiful. T_T

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(I added more)
Sunday, May 29, 2016
This is so good.

"There Is Nothing Left" by The Drums.


So I got this No Tox Life deodorant in like... November? December? And it's May now and I'm only like halfway through it. I mean, I'm sure it helps that I don't need to reapply it frequently and all, but damn, this is really going a long way. Very worth the $15! Man, I hope they don't go out of business or something. D: It's so hard to find good deodorants that don't irritate my skin. T_T

---Edit---

So today was meh-ish. I did some in field with my client at the mall and it was unpleasantly warm in there for some reason. I'm not really sure why; it seems like they should be able to afford air conditioning, considering how popular this particular mall is... It was REALLY crowded, too.

After I got home I had to practice driving stick shift with my dad, which was super frustrating. I was kind of in a bad mood because of my client, and I didn't really get much of a chance to unwind afterwards. Most of the time I walk around the mall or do something to kind of decompress after working with my client, but I just went straight home today instead, thinking "I don't really need to treat myself just because I worked today." But yeahhhh two unpleasant things in a row wasn't a great idea. I think it was made worse by the fact that it was really hot in the car, though. My dad turned off the air conditioner so that the car wouldn't stall, but it still stalled multiple times in a row more than once during the practice. -__-

Buuuuuuut I watched a bunch of videos in my Favorites playlist on Youtube and talked to my friend and then I felt much better. :3 We finally got to talk about some things and it's nice to have everything out in the open.

[5/29/2016 8:24:41 PM] Me: Sometimes I joke about marrying rich and spending all my time helping people for free.
[5/29/2016 8:25:00 PM] Me: But it's kind of like only half joking >.>
[5/29/2016 8:25:14 PM] J: hahahaha
[5/29/2016 8:25:22 PM] J: man i'd love to have a bunch of money -_-
[5/29/2016 8:25:27 PM] J: for stuff like that ofc
[5/29/2016 8:25:36 PM] J: let's both go marry rich people

I want to write something but I don't know what. Writing group is coming up next weekend and I need to have some flash fiction ready, but I don't really have any story ideas.

My mind is flip flopping between soft fluffy things and spider-filled darkness. When I was younger I used to imagine that spiders were everywhere when it was dark-- just covering the floor, the walls, anywhere. I would imagine them illuminated by my nightlight, because of course nightlights don't really do anything to deter spiders, even if they're darkness spiders.

I don't think about that as much anymore, but every time a spider crawls up my wall at night (it happens a few times a year I think-- for some reason they're quite fond of the wall right next to my desk...), I remember it. A spider was crawling up the wall less than two feet from me tonight and I walked as quickly as I could to the laundry room to get a jar to catch it in, and I imagined the floor of the hallway teeming with spiders I couldn't see. Even if it was, realistically I would probably just kill them by stepping on them, but for some reason it's a terrifying thought, as if merely touching them would irreparably damage me.

When I was little I picked a big yellow rose from the bush in my backyard. There was a spider hiding in it, and it crawled out onto my arm. I remember screaming and spinning around, trying to shake it off. I succeeded, but it disappeared, and I've always been a bit afraid to pick those roses since then. I still have, a few times in the years since, but I'm much more careful now, and I poke around all the petals with some garden scissors first to check for (why did the word 'assassins' come to mind?) any unwelcome stowaways.

I wonder if this could be a metaphor for my life. >_>

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Moral support
Saturday, May 28, 2016
There's a park I often drive by that has two climbing poles near the street, and ever since I noticed them I've had a desire to climb up them, but never did it until today.



I took my camera up with me, thinking that I could take a picture from the top, but there were a bunch of spider webs up there and I didn't want to get covered in webs so that I could hoist myself up onto the top bar. Sooo... no picture from the top. I didn't feel safe trying to hold onto the pole with one hand while working my camera with the other.

When I was near the top, these two old men walked by, and one of them started cheering me on. I was still struggling with my camera at that point, so I guess he thought I needed some moral support. I grabbed the top bar with one of my hands and he started clapping, then they went on their way.



---

When I was at the library a few days ago I was reading an article called "Odd Emotions" in Psychology Today. The basic themes of it were nothing new, but it did mention some feeling-related words I wasn't familiar with, like pena ajena, which I realize I feel quite a lot when I see super cringy stuff done by people who are totally serious about it and aren't just having fun.

THIS VIDEO IS SO CUTE MY HEART ALMOST STOPPED.

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