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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness." ~ D.H. Lawrence "Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?" "Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost." ~ Seneca "People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect." ~ Daydream Nation "All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death." ~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes "The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road." ~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." ~ William Blake Think about it Musicalities! Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics Web Comics and Such A Distant Soil (Some nudity) The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff) Aquapunk Axe Cop Basic Instructions Bear Nuts Beeserker Blue Milk Special Bug Buttersafe ChannelATE Cigarro & Cerveja Crunchy Bunches Curia Regis Cyanide and Happiness dead winter (has some explicit stuff) Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?) Diesel Sweeties DUBBLEBABY Eat That Toast! E-merl.com The End Evil Diva Evil Inc. Existential Comics The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon For Lack of a Better Comic Forming (Explicit) Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?) Mirror The Last Halloween Last Train to Old Town L.A.W.L.S. The League of Evil Genius Legend of Bill Living With Insanity (some nudity) Love Me Nice Married to the Sea Meaty Yogurt Medium Large The Meek Metacarpolis Monsterhood Monsterkind The Moon Prince Moth (Some nudity) Mr. Lovenstein Muddlers Beat Natalie Dee Nedroid The Non-Adventures of Wonderella Optipess Out There Owen's Uncles Phuzzy Comics Political Cartoonists Index Poorly Drawn Lines Powernap The Property of Hate Red Meat Rice Boy Robbie and Bobby Rosscott, Inc. Safely Endangered Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Savage Chickens Scary Go Round Scenes from a Multiverse The Secret Knots Serenity Rose Stand Still. Stay Silent Stinking Hellebore Strong Female Protagonist Subnormality Tales of Pylea Three Word Phrase (some nudity) Tiny Kitten Teeth Toothpaste for Dinner Trying Human (Some nudity) Two Guys and Guy Wilde Life Witchy xkcd Yellow Peril (PG-13) Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics The Abominable Charles Christopher The Adventures of Dr. McNinja The Adventures of Ellie Connelly American Hell Bag of Toast Bear in Mind Bobwhite The Book of Biff Brat-halla Brightest Broodhollow Bullfinch Camp Weedonwantcha Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff) Chainsawsuit Conspiracy Friends! Daisy is Dead Distillum Dream Life Dumm Comics Ectopiary (Some nudity) Edemia Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life A Fine Example Finn and Charlie are HITCHED Floodmud Freaks! Green Wake Gun Show Hark! A Vagrant Head Doctor Productions Hello with Cheese Helpful Figures Hollow Mountain IDK Comics Inscribing Ardi Intragalactic The Intrepid Girlbot JBabb Comics Kyle & Atticus Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space Letters to a Wild Boar Lovecraft is Missing Manta-man Meat and Plastic Minimalism Sucks Mis- Moe Moon Town The Nerds of Paradise Nimona No Reason Comics Odd-Fish One Swoop Fell Patches Pictures for Sad Children Raymondo Person A Redtail's Dream Riotfish Roy's Boys (PG 13?) Run Freak Run Saint's Way Shortpacked! Sin Titulo Snowflakes Split Lip Spooky Doofus SubCulture Super Buzzkill The Super Fogeys The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston Thermohalia Troubletown Mirror Ugly Girl YU + ME 2815 Monument Pure Flash Awesomeness Aardvardkbutter.com Angry Alien Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry The Frown Hoogerbrugge Other Bogleech Clients from Hell Brian Despain Creatures in My Head Damn You Auto Correct! Jhonen Vasquez's site Overheard in New York Passive Aggressive Notes Submarinechannel.com Superdickery UHpinions Whirled | 2016-11-09 [6P] Wednesday, November 9, 2016 Comment! (3) | Recommend! Eughhhhbleughhh Tuesday, November 8, 2016 For no discernible reason, I suddenly felt sick today and had to walk as quickly as I could manage to the bathroom in order to throw up. I just made it through the door and ended up throwing up thrice in the sink. Luckily it was mostly liquid, so it went down the drain without too much trouble... A lady came in to clean right after I finished vomiting, and she asked if I was okay and if I needed her to call Public Safety for me. I told her I felt better after throwing up, and I couldn't go to get checked out right now because I had class in an hour, but I appreciated the thought. Meanwhile, there was another girl who was there pretty much the whole time I was throwing up, and she never even paused to look at me. I realize it's not exactly proper to form assumptions based on just two examples, but I'm really starting to wonder if there's just something wrong with the students at this school. Comment! (0) | Recommend! Sitting alone Thursday, October 27, 2016 A couple days ago, I was walking to school and I passed a girl. She had a blank expression for the most part, but she smiled slightly when we briefly made eye contact while passing each other, and it felt nice. Today after my class, I sat outside and rolled around some baoding balls that my boyfriend gave me in my hand. I listened to the chime noises they made, and to the air around me. It seemed strange that there was so little noise from human activity, considering that I was on a school campus where lots of people were. Mostly I heard the wind and some little bird chirps. I also touched a cattail, which I'm not sure I've done before. It felt... not really like cat fur, but sort of soft, but with a slight roughness to it. It felt familiar, but I couldn't place it. It was nice to sit by myself and not have anywhere to be or anything to do (at least, not immediately). Comment! (3) | Recommend! Late night sad times Sunday, October 23, 2016 "Sweetness" by Jimmy Eat World. If you're listening, are you listening? If you're listening, are you listening? Sing it back If you're listening, are you listening? I'm still running away I'm still running away Won't play your hide and seek game I was spinning free With a little sweet and simple numbing me What a dizzy dance The sweetness will not be concerned with me No the sweetness will not be concerned with me This song is giving me a sense of saudade right now... It reminds me of sleeping on my mattress on the floor of my room when I was 13 and we were preparing to paint my walls. My radio was on the pink shelf that used to come out of the wall next to my closet, and I spent a lot of time lying under it and listening to Channel 104.9. I still had Ducky, Romeo, and Stormy, although Stormy died that winter from overheating. Romeo almost died too, and it was my fault for putting the cage too close to the heater overnight. I didn't want them to be cold, but I ended up killing one of my birds instead. It's a painful memory to reflect on. They're all gone, now, all my birds... I try not to blame myself for their deaths, but sometimes I don't succeed. At least I don't blame myself for Romeo. I did everything that I could for him, and he lived almost eleven years. A long time for a pet budgie. I miss him so much. I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop grieving. Comment! (0) | Recommend! Talent and skill [4P] Sunday, October 23, 2016 Comment! (1) | Recommend! Inescapable Wednesday, October 19, 2016 From Boiling Energy by Richard Katz: A short time later, it hits me, a direct and terrifying realization. I am in an enormous oven, baking beyond what I have learned to experience, with no release into cool. Nowhere in this open, arid land, with its tall walk-through grasses, scrubby bushes, and scattered trees covering the flat, sandy ground, nowhere is the cool I knew. Shade, yes, shade enough. But the sun-heat lingers on, drifting only slightly diminished under shade branches. I am in the oven of that land, and there is no way out. Terror is of no breathing space. Terror is of dying. I'm supposed to be reading various chapters of this book for class, but I was struck by this quote. It feels like something I understand very deeply right now. The things I am used to, the things that I had all my life, those are inaccessible to me right now. There are only faint shadows resembling what I had. I guess it might seem like an odd comparison, considering that I'm in pretty much the opposite environment from what is described here, but it all feels so open and exposed, bare and unprotected. My room doesn't feel like a safe haven because it's similarly bare and lacking in comforts I would have at home. --- Yesterday I saw a squirrel running up some stairs at school, and for some reason it felt like one of the most important things I noticed that day. I pointed it out to the classmate who was walking with me, but I'm not sure if she heard me or saw it. ---Edit--- Oh yeah, these are the rain boots I got last weekend. I have been wearing them every day. Comment! (3) | Recommend! Out of it Tuesday, October 18, 2016 I think I had a bad dissociation episode yesterday. It felt like reality was disintegrating, and almost everything seemed entirely incomprehensible. Luckily it only lasted a short while, but I felt extremely dazed and disoriented during it, and it happened during class. >_> During the episode, I had thoughts of giving up on my current situation and going and living with my parents forever, as some kind of pathetic NEET too fragile to deal with the stresses of adult life. I don't think my parents would accommodate that, though, and I don't think I could bear the shame of it anyway. When I left St. John's, I had at least a general plan for the future. This would be different. I can't allow myself to be a failure. It would be better to die, if those were the only two choices. I am lucky to have a boyfriend who is so supportive of me and considerate of the context of my life right now. Although I still worry about how my issues are affecting us, his reassurance and faith in me do make it easier to deal with things. Comment! (1) | Recommend! I've gotten bad at keeping up with entries Sunday, October 9, 2016 Got the blood test results back, and they showed that I'm anemic, so I'm taking iron supplements now. Hopefully that clears things up. I'm supposed to take them with vitamin C either an hour before or two hours after eating a meal. Since I don't have a set meal time, I'm not sure I always manage to take them within the right time frame, but I hope that doesn't impact their effectiveness much. I started a list of restaurants I want to try with my boyfriend awhile ago, and we're going to start going to them once he gets his paycheck this week, so that's something to look forward to. So much food around here... It's gonna take us awhile to try everything. I don't know if we ever will, either, because we keep finding new things to add to the list, and we only have so much time and stomach space. There's a get together happening with my cohort and the second year cohort tonight, so I'll get to meet the second years and hang out with people from school. I'm interested to see what the second years are like, since I haven't really had any contact with them yet. The guy hosting the event has a cat at his house, though, so I hope that doesn't negatively affect me. I'm still not sure if I'm actually allergic to cats or not, but it's not something I'm keen on experimenting with. Comment! (1) | Recommend! 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