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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Can't you see what you've done to my heart and soul?
this is a wasteland now
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

“The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita






TICoSME
Musicalities!
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Things I have been doing that I shouldn't do
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
-Looking at pictures of pet cemeteries
-Looking at a website for a pet crematory
-Reading r/petloss stories about birds

I'm really just making myself feel worse. Romeo is still here with me, I shouldn't be acting like he's already gone.

Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming. Luckily it hasn't been too much of an issue at school.

My stats professor asked me today after class if I was going to grad school. I said I was probably going to, but I hadn't looked into it that much yet. He told me I had a chance to be valedictorian. I don't know if being valedictorian means that much if your class size is only thirty people.

I'm finding it hard to care about school. About almost anything, I guess.

I just realized there's a 'small caps' formatting option for this. The editing stuff doesn't work for me in Chrome, so I haven't used any of those buttons in years. Now I kind of wish they worked.

I have been worrying a lot about grinding my teeth. I don't know if I do or not, but at my last couple dentist appointments they've said a couple of my molars look too worn for my age. I don't wake up with a sore jaw though, so I don't know what to make of that... They said I could be clenching my teeth while I sleep, too, but it seems like I should be able to tell? Sometimes I wonder if the anxiety over the possibility of teeth grinding could end up making me grind my teeth.

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Romeo's hospital box
Saturday, February 1, 2014
The vet thinks it's pretty likely that Romeo has a tumor. They also gave me an extensive list of things I should be doing differently in taking care of my birds... For instance, I shouldn't feed them a seed diet anymore, and I should change their food and water daily and give them showers three to four times a week, if not daily. I'm also supposed to get them sunlight every day for vitamin D.

There's more than that, but I won't list it all here.

Romeo has to stay in the "hospital box" until I bring him back in eleven days. It's just a clear plastic terrarium, but I'm supposed to keep flannel in it as a bedding for him and change that every day. He doesn't like it very much in there. He's been spending most of his time pressed up against the side, looking out.


The idea of the box is that it's helping him to conserve energy that he'd be using for perching. I'm also supposed to have a heating pad set up under half of it to keep him warm, which they said will help him breathe. I can't tell if he can feel the warmth from it or not, since it doesn't seem too warm to me. I feel bad for keeping him in there, since it must be very boring for a budgie to be stuck in a box all day, but I hope it helps.

---

One of the squirrels we feed, Friendly, has been kind of weird lately. We're not sure what happened to him. My dad noticed that he was in the watering can in the backyard and thought he was stuck at first.


He got out though, and was kind of crawling along the ground and just lying in sort of a hunched posture to eat peanuts. It's been several days since he first started acting weird, but he seems to have improved a little? He won't sit up to eat anymore, though.

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Lump
Thursday, January 30, 2014
My dad helped me take Romeo to the vet today. They examined him and he was surprisingly compliant. Usually he gets very upset if he's being held in someone's hand.

The vet wasn't sure what the lump was. She said it was possible that he had a tumor, but she had never seen one that looked like that and she thought it could also be a hernia. I didn't realize how big it was before she pushed his feathers away to show me. She wanted to keep him for observation overnight, and said he would stay in an incubator for warmth and they would give him liquids to make sure he was hydrated. It was hard to leave him there but it seemed like it was for the best. I hope he isn't too scared. The incubators looked like microwaves.

Altogether, the cost of the visit was over $200. The actual examination was only $70, but the overnight hospitalization and the medication they suggested added on some extra cost. I was afraid that my dad would have issues with the cost, but he said that it was a lot cheaper than what the medical costs for a human would be, and that he viewed it the same way as when my grandma was in the hospital. I felt so relieved when he told me that the money was not an issue when it was for something like this.

A couple other people in my life, on the other hand, said stuff that basically amounted to "Well he's kind of old anyway, so it's okay if he dies." I guess that's supposed to be comforting, but it really isn't. And well, of course I know that I will eventually get over his death with time, but it hurts now. Maybe he'll be fine, though. He's always bounced back from illness and injury before. Maybe he's got a few years left in him, even.

I just want him to be okay...

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How much longer...?
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I think Romeo might have a tumor... He has been looking sick for a few days now, and I'm worried. Tonight I put him on the shower door while I showered, in the hopes that the warmth and humidity would make him feel better. He seemed to like it, but I got a good look at his underside, and there was a big yellow lump there near his leg. :\

He'll be ten this year. I've had him since he was two months old.

Besides being very fluffed up, he hasn't shown too many signs of illness. His appetite is fine, and he's not particularly lethargic, although he's been a lot more gentle the past few days (the way he was before his accident). He's been a little quiet, but he was chirping a lot while I was in the shower. I just hope he's not in pain.

Even though I've experienced the loss of several budgies over the years, it's hard for me to accept that he's going to die someday. It's harder to accept that it might be soon. I have read about budgies living for months even after they've developed a tumor though, so maybe we could be lucky. Romeo has always been very hardy, and he's survived other things that could have killed him. I can't pretend he's not getting old, though. The average lifespan of budgies in captivity is five to eight years normally, and maybe ten to fifteen under ideal conditions. I remember seeing somewhere that someone's budgie even lived to be twenty. I don't expect that much.

I don't have much else to say. This has been consuming my thoughts and it's hard to focus on other things.

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Packages in the mail [2P]
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Well that was a mistake
Friday, January 17, 2014
Maybe being sick has made me let down my guard.

I talked to this guy briefly on OKC and then let him add me on Skype, thinking he was a harmless dude... Not a good decision, I think.

First off, he sent me his resume for some reason?? I have no idea why. And then he started talking about how he'll be single forever because he doesn't care enough to pursue girls.

And THEN he mentioned that his life goals are to make a lot of money from ad revenue and sleep and lucid dream about girls. >_> Later on in the conversation he said he was content to admire beautiful women "like you" from afar.

I feel like the implication is that he wants to have lucid dreams about me?

Oh also he said he was contemplating making his own dating site where you could find porn with people who look like the people on the site in case you had no luck with dates. I think he was joking but I don't know him well enough to be sure.

Welp.

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My walrus :C
Monday, January 13, 2014
I think I lost my earmuffs somewhere in transit between Portland and here. Maybe they fell out of my bag on the airplane, or maybe they got left in the hotel room... I don't know. All I know is that I can't find them.

This didn't bother me too much until I realized I lost my walrus button with the earmuffs. :\ I don't know if I can get another one, but I was really pleased when I found that because the walrus had a WTF expression and it just felt very... serendipitous to find it.

Serendipity isn't a word I really use (ever) but it's something I like a lot. Well, as opposed to things that are intentionally good, I mean. The word just makes me think of Mary Poppins though.

I bought Choice of the Deathless on Google Play for $2.99 and have been playing it the past day or so... I'm kind of falling into the same pattern with it as I fall into with the Sims, though. I have trouble deviating from what I think is the best path, so I end up playing almost the same way over and over again. You can pick a romantic partner in the story, and the first maybe five playthroughs I picked the same guy. After that, I picked a different guy. There wasn't as much exciting tension with the second guy, but he's more committed and romantic. :P The romance thing isn't that big a part of the story, though. It's kind of just a fun side thing I guess. Maybe I should try playing the story as a lesbian and seeing how that goes.

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Friendship is hard
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
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