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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
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A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
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Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
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Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
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The End
Evil Diva
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Existential Comics
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Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
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Legend of Bill
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Love Me Nice
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Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
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Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
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A Fine Example
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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
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My sense of time has eroded
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Can't believe it's been over a month since my last entry... this is getting bad.

All the days are blurring into each other. My sleep schedule is terrible now. As I'm writing this it's 4:11am. I'm wide awake. I took a nap at 8pm and woke up around 9pm. Yesterday I tried to go to sleep early around 9pm but I just ended up waking up around 1am and staying awake for like seven hours.

I keep seeing jokes online about people getting fat in quarantine, and like, normally I feel like I would relate to that, but my appetite has all but deserted me. I think for my first ten hours of being awake today all I had was a bagel and two medium oranges. I guess I'm getting shelter-in-place slim?

Have been trying to exercise inside during this time. Work on gettin' a nicer booty, y'know. Supposedly hip thrusts are the best for that, and my bed is about the right height to use as a bench for hip thrusts, so... yeah, doing lots of those. I don't have weights though, so I'm just using a resistance band. Trying to do ten more each day I do them, and now I'm up to 170. Also doing some other strength exercises but those are less notable. Today I pretty much just lay in bed most of the day because I was sore, though. Might be part of why I wasn't hungry...

Maybe I should be doing more cardio, but I don't really want to try to run around my neighborhood. There are always people walking around and I'm not into the idea of having to dodge them all the time. I do have a jump rope though... might be time to pull that out and use it in the backyard...

Quarantine is showing up in my dreams. I keep having dreams where I'm near crowds or groups of people and I walk around and then realize I need to social distance and feel slightly anxious or on edge. They're not really nightmares or even full on anxiety dreams, they're just... dreams that would be otherwise normal, but that sliver of my waking life keeps invading.

I wish I had more to say. I feel like I haven't been thinking about much interesting recently. It's all just coronavirus all the time.

Oh, but I was gifted my favorite pizza recently and that was pretty great, so I am happy about that. Also I'm finally gonna build a new computer. Here's hoping it goes well!

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Wednesday, March 18, 2020
They've issued a shelter in place order here, so most things are shut down and we're not supposed to go out except for essential activities.

I'm not sure what to make of all this.

I've been wondering a lot about when I'm old, how I'll talk about these times to my grandchildren, assuming I have any. Will they care about what it was like? Or will they have too much going on themselves and not be interested in what was happening while I was young?

It occurred to me that the 2 year old I regularly babysit could feasibly see the year 2100. That's crazy to think about. I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by then, but if by some unfortunate stroke of fate I live to be 110 then I guess I'll see what that's like.

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Hitting [DP]
Thursday, February 27, 2020
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Small pink circles [4P]
Tuesday, February 4, 2020
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Made up names [DP]
Saturday, January 18, 2020
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Halo of light
Thursday, January 9, 2020
"Pop All The Stars" by Emmett Kai.

You're so out of touch
Looking at me
The less you say the more
I hear your grace


I like this song. The beginning feels sort of reckless and nihilistic, and listening to it makes me think of a full solar eclipse, the corona surrounding a sphere of darkness. It feels like a song for the end of a story, a song for the end of a life. Not like an end forever... but like an acceptance of your own powerlessness in the face of overwhelming chaos. Peaceful... but like a peaceful facade? Because underneath there's still a grief that things are changing... But it's covered by a smile and a careless attitude.

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Terror in dreams [DP]
Thursday, January 2, 2020
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Behaviorism is empty [4P]
Friday, December 13, 2019
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