"Treat Me Right" by Pat Benatar.

You want me to leave
You want me to stay
You ask me to come back
You turn and walk away
You wanna be lovers
And you wanna be friends
I'm losing my patience
You're nearing the end
One of these days
You're gonna reach out and find
The one that you count on
Has left you behind
Don't want to be no martyr
With no one, no say
Oh my, my baby
Before it's too late

Treat me right
Treat me right
Open your eyes
Maybe you'll see the light

---

I'm in a sentimental mood. It makes me want to write something, to or for somebody, but I don't know who I'd do that for. I kind of just want to tell someone in my life how much they mean to me and how highly I think of them. It's easier to write these things than it is to say them. I think I have a hard time giving deeply felt appreciation out loud. It's something that seems very serious to me, and getting the wrong kind of reaction to it is... disheartening, maybe to the point of being painful? There are just some people I think the world of, to use a term I've probably repeated too many times, and it's hard to share that. Just saying something like "I think you're an awesome person" feels so shallow and diminutive. It would be like trying to describe your favorite food and saying "it tastes good." It's vague to the point of being almost meaningless.

Strong Female Protagonist has been really good lately and it makes me wish I could write a comic like that. Well, I guess I wish I could write anything serious without feeling like it's pretentious or melodramatic. It's so much easier to write things that are humorous, but I hate feeling like I use that as some defense to hide behind. I made some small edits to the last serious piece I wrote, but the whole thing just seems cliché and juvenile and I feel dissatisfied with it.

People tell me I'm "good" at writing but I don't know what to say to that other than that I just write what I'm thinking. I'd like to get better at writing but I don't know how I can do that. I'm sort of put off by "writer" types and don't want to go to any conferences or read books on theory. Getting some useful critical feedback would probably be most helpful, but almost all the feedback I ever get on my writing is "I like this" or "great line" and equally useless comments. I mean, it's nice to get praise, but it sort of prevents me from growing, I guess. I'm having that same problem at school, too. Getting good grades is fine and dandy but I feel like, considering all the time I've spent in school these past couple years, I haven't improved much. There have been a couple things here and there that did have an impact on my worldview, but I don't feel like my writing or thinking processes have gotten a whole lot better.

Maybe after I graduate I'll take a writing class or something and see if it helps me brush up on my skills.

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I saw this on Postsecret.


It's a sad, simply-worded secret that sums up a lot of complicated things, and it stood out to me.

It's 3 AM.

(My mind autocompleted that with "She won't put out, let's go make out with her friends..." because of Mindless Self Indulgence)

Stayed up too late talking to my friend again. Derps.

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I heard this song on the radio for the first time today and instantly loved it. I've been listening to it on repeat (alternating with "Andrew in Drag" by the same band) whenever I've had the chance. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's by The Magnetic Fields (shaping up to be my favorite band?).

"The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" by The Magnetic Fields.

Andy would bicycle across town
In the rain to bring you candy
And John would buy the gown
For you to wear to the prom
With Tom the astronomer, who'd name a star for you

But I'm the luckiest guy
On the Lower East Side
'Cause I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride

Harry is the one I think you'll marry
But it's Chris that you kissed after school
Well, I'm a fool, there's no doubt
But when the sun comes out
And only when the sun comes out

I'm the luckiest guy
On the Lower East Side
'Cause I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride

The day is beautiful and so are you
My car is ugly but then I'm ugly too
I know you'd never give me a second glance
But when the weather's nice all the other guys don't stand a chance

I know Professor Blumen makes you feel like a woman
But when the wind is in your hair you laugh like a little girl
So you share secrets with Lou, but we've got secrets too
Well, one: I only keep this heap for you

'Cause I'm the ugliest guy
On the Lower East Side
But I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride
Want to go for a ride?
Want to go for a ride?
Want to go for a ride?

It's such a beautiful, sweet, and maybe sad song. It has a particular vibe I'm really fond of but don't know how to describe well. Maybe... sad-but-making-the-best-of-things? Like when you're a kid and you're old enough to understand and appreciate the last day of summer before you have to go back to school...? I'm not sure if that's really right. I feel a similar thread in "We Are Young" by Fun ("Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun"). That small sadness that accompanies the understanding that a happy moment will not last forever? I think that's a better way to put it.

Nothing is ever permanent, and that's wonderful and terrible all at once.

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"Sea of Tears" by The Goldebriars.

I might have posted this song before, but I don't remember. It came up on Pandora and I'm rather fond of it.

Sailing on a sea of tears
Alone and feeling kind of blue without you
So I'll be sailing far away, far away to stay
To stay and cry and try and try to find someone
Who maybe will be fun again
Or maybe find a friend who's true
And so I'm sailing on a sea of tears
And and blue because of you
Can't you see that I am sailing on and on
The night turns into dawn, and day is gone
And dusk goes on, and on and on, I search for someone
Just like you, but that's the worst thing I could do
Because I'm sailing...
Sailing on a sea of tears
Alone and feeling kind of blue without you
So I'll be sailing far away, far away to stay
To stay and cry and try and try to find someone
Who maybe will be fun again
Or maybe find a friend who's true...

Here's a happier song for contrast.

"How Can I Be Down" by The Yellow Balloon.


Life was just a downer till now, then you came along and oh wow

---

It's 2 AM. :( I didn't mean to stay up this late but I got sidetracked talking to my friend. We were wondering how much each of us has said in our conversations and he wrote a script to find out. Turns out he's got a good thousand words (and then some) on me. I was surprised to find that out, but it's interesting to know.

WHY DO ALL THE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS HAPPEN SO LATE AT NIGHT? D:

We have been talking about dreams and memories and subjective experience and stuff and I wish I wasn't so tired and that I didn't have to do stuff tomorrow.

---Edit---

Have I mentioned this song before? I can't remember at all. I hated that other popular song by Florence and the Machine, but "What Kind of Man" is nice.

The VEVO version is the only one on Youtube that didn't have the audio altered... The actual song doesn't even start until almost two minutes in.

And with one kiss, you inspired a fire of devotion
That lasted twenty years
What kind of man loves like this?

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"Absolutely Cuckoo" by The Magnetic Fields.


I don't remember posting this song before. I've listened to it a lot.

Earlier I watched this and something about it struck me.

"On S'Embrasse?"


Sometimes trying to smile is much harder than keeping a neutral face.

---

I played a little game called We Might As Well Die tonight. It wasn't very long or even particularly good, but it mentioned a book called Bright Lights, Glass Houses by Ashton Raze, and I got curious and looked it up. Turns out it's free on Amazon, so I read a bit of it. It's a collection of short stories, so just up my alley, I guess.

One of the stories is called "The Last Voice You'll Ever Hear" and I kind of liked it. It's about someone who stalks girls and then sedates them in their apartments and makes them choose between living and dying. Somewhat interesting premise. I'm not sure what the ending is about, though. It's only a few pages, so maybe I'll see if anybody I know wants to read it and talk about it with me. That seems like it'd be nice.

---

This game, pacapong, looks a bit interesting too. Need to find someone to play with...

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