A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Gym time and friend stuff
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Me: I hope we can be friends for... a long time.
Fro: I want us to be friends forever!
I wanted to say forever at first, but I held back. When she said it, I felt so... relieved? Happy? I really hope we're friends for the rest of our lives, at least. Right now I feel like Fro is my best friend. We are different in a lot of ways, but I really value her.
We went to the gym together today. She has a membership, but I just got a free three day pass. We meant to go to a half hour long barbell class, but traffic was so bad that I was too late for it, so we ended up doing an hour long spin class instead... Both of us thought it was going to be half an hour, so that was... not the most pleasant surprise of the day. I felt bad for Fro, because the seat of the stationary bike was pretty uncomfortable for her. I guess I'm used to them, so it didn't bother me much. It was fairly tiring to pedal almost nonstop for an hour, though. Halfway through, when I thought it was supposed to end soon, I felt like my legs were so tired and I was really looking forward to the instructor saying we were done, but then it just kept going and going... and somehow I scraped up more energy to keep pedaling, but I had quite a mental block for a few minutes. I imagine it's like runner's block.
We also spent some time on the ellipticals and did a few upper body exercises on the machines. I've never felt comfortable in gym environments, and this wasn't particularly different. It was a lot better being with a friend, though. I think I'd have gotten uncomfortable if I was by myself.
After the gym we got dinner at Sweet Tomatoes and chatted. It was really cold in there, and I was shivering a bit, but I was glad we got to hang out. Fro talked about working out together on a regular basis, and it seems like it would be fun. Gym memberships are expensive, though, so that puts me off the idea to some extent... My only real source of income right now is babysitting once a week, so I'm not exactly rolling in dough.
Oh, and this isn't gym-related really, but I've been losing weight recently and I feel fairly pleased with the way I look at the moment. I would share a picture except I don't want to take a photo of myself in my underwear. Too scandalous for this blog by far.
Here is a poem I was reading today:
Let It Be Forgotten
by Sara Teasdale
Let it be forgotten, as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that once was singing gold.
Let it be forgotten forever and ever,
Time is a kind friend, he will make us old.
If anyone asks, say it was forgotten
Long and long ago,
As a flower, as a fire, as a hushed footfall
In a long-forgotten snow.
Dream about a woman
Sunday, August 30, 2015
I had a dream that I and a couple other girls were being held by this woman who was planning to kill each of us one by one. We weren't tied up or anything, we were just sitting at a table together, bound by fear, I guess. Or maybe resignation. One side of the table was against the wall, and the two other girls were each on a side next to the wall, while I sat across from the wall. We were in my living room, and the woman was in the opposite end of the room from us, but she would occasionally walk over and check up on us.
When she was at the other end of the room, I turned to the girls next to me and whispered to them that I thought we could overpower her if we worked together. They didn't seem very motivated or interested, but one of them reluctantly agreed. I told her that I would grab the woman from behind and she should hit her on the head with a plate that was on the table. When it came down to it though, the other girls didn't do anything, so I ended up smashing the plate on the woman's head, then I ran to my kitchen and got the longest knife there and went back into the living room. The other girls had disappeared, and the woman was sitting there, not wearing a shirt and facing away from me. I pushed the knife into her back in a few places, and it sunk in with a moderate degree of resistance. She didn't bleed. She just turned her head to look at me and smiled in a sort of bitter, tired way. Then she turned her body around to face me and I held the knife to her throat. She didn't say anything. I stabbed her in the chest then, hoping my aim was good enough to avoid being blocked by any bones. I wanted to stab through her heart and kill her. Throughout all this, she didn't seem to take any of my efforts very seriously.
Like a frog
Saturday, August 29, 2015
"Aging Spinsters" by The 6ths.
Credit to Trevor for sharing with me. Although I'm guessing he found this via The Magnetic Fields, which I shared with him, so... it evens out?
Marry young, Diana
I don't want to see you old and alone
It's no fun, Diana, I don't want to see you
Rot in the home for aging spinsters
You should find someone
As loyal as a dog
Who will still love you
When you look like a frog
I feel like I think too much about being old. Or if not too much, at least a lot. It seems like it would be nice to grow old with someone. To have a lifetime of shared memories. But then, of course, it would be terrible if one of you died. That seems to be the part I think about most. Even though I very much like the idea of having a lifelong partner, I always seem to imagine them dying before me, and me having to carry on for years alone. It's a really unpleasant thought. It's not the being alone itself that seems bad, assuming I would have friends and/or family. It's the loss of someone I had presumably spent a great deal of time with. I mean, losing Romeo after almost eleven years together was pretty difficult to me, and he was a budgie. A budgie I cared for very deeply, and who was basically my baby, but still. A human connection would likely be deeper, since it would be two-way, so that would probably hurt more, right?
I dunno though. Maybe by that point, they'll have advanced medical technology to the point where you could just upload your brain to a computer or something. That seems pretty unlikely, but hey, you never know. Technology advances quickly these days, after all.
Been going through my screenshot folder lately.
There goes that [4P]
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
So... Trevor gifted me Hatoful Boyfriend, and I've been playing it the past few days.
On the surface, it's a dating sim where all the characters are birds, except for you, a human female.
But this is honestly probably the most intense game I've ever played, plot-wise. It's crazy. I really thought it was just going to be a silly little game I'd get some laughs out of for an hour or so, not an emotional roller coaster full of mind-blowing twists.
Also, I don't think I can ever see this partridge again without feeling like it's evil:
Seven hours of playing and I still haven't gotten all the endings... man...
Do you need anybody?
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
I found this article while I was trying to find a comment I've been thinking about.
10 Ways to Show Love to Someone with Depression
It's a pretty simple list, but I think this one in particular has been a disappointment in my life:
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
I can't remember anybody ever telling me they would be able to handle my depression and being true to their word. The people who promised they could take it had good intentions, I'm sure, but they all ended up distancing themselves from me in some way. Although I understand that this is to preserve their own mental health, it's still discouraging. I feel like I have to be careful about how I expose my moods to my friends, because the depression will drive away everyone I have eventually, if I don't keep it under wraps. The fear of losing all the people I care about has increased as of late because of this mood instability I've been dealing with. Right now I feel... okay, though... so I hope I don't get any more intense mood swings.
My friend's birthday party is on Friday, so I'm looking forward to that. I'd like to get her something more than what I already did though, so I should probably shop around. Besides that... I'm hoping I can hang out with people soon. It's been a long time since I've seen my friends. :\
"With a Little Help From My Friends" by The Beatles.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Last night I was in a chatroom and someone posted a link to an article that said this:
If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.
I feel like appreciating people was something I was trying to work on, but I've been falling behind with it recently. Other things in my life have gotten in the way. I want to get back on track with it, though. It's an important skill to have, and I know it will enrich my life if I can keep it going.
A different article on that site discussed gratitude and how practicing it can make you happier. My dad said once that one of his friends can find a sincere compliment to give anybody, and that was her talent, and I feel like it's a similar idea. Being able to find something positive about anyone makes you appreciate people more, and people are such a big part of the world that I think if you can do that, the world will seem better.
There are a few things that regularly circulate through my thoughts along these lines. For example, this line from "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger:
But if you're bored then you're boring
It connects back to that first quote I posted up there, I think. It's not the world's job to entertain you, it's nobody's responsibility to make you interested in them. We aren't kings and queens who get to sit around and behead court jesters if we're not amused by their antics. I wonder if the ability to amuse ourselves is disappearing since so many of us now have constant access to the internet, TV, games, and so on. Numbed by a life of excess... (Maybe I should rewatch Le Feu Follet, it seems relevant to this)
It's strange to think about, because I mean, I'm part of it and all. I do get annoyed and frustrated if my internet goes out. I find I don't have the patience for a lot of things I used to like, like reading books. I did read A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich recently, and liked it, but starting a new book seems vaguely unappealing. When I was younger I never felt like that... I used to have stacks of books all over my floor because I get new books and read them and not have anywhere to put them. Reading is something I still value, so maybe I should do it more. It's mostly starting that's hard. I've had Bushido and Notes from the Underground in my bookmarks for awhile though, so I might try to start those. I don't like reading on the computer, but I guess it's still better than nothing. (And hey, it's free)
Well, this entry took a different turn than I was expecting, and I still want to post some pictures from Hawaii at some point. Next entry, I guess.
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