A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Things I thought I wanted but which I maybe don't really want
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Recently I've developed this awful tendency to question my own consumerist indoctrination whenever I see something I think I'd like to buy.
Cute clothes? "Is this just me buying into the idea that clothing is inseparable from personal expression?"
Branded merchandise of something I enjoy (e.g. People Watching)? "How does having a shirt with these characters on it matter to my enjoyment of the source?"
3 CD box set of The Caretaker's Everywhere At The End of Time? "Why do I seem to believe that having this physical set would enhance my experience of the music?"
It's a good way to not spend any money, but it's also a good way to suck all the fun out of buying things. But then there's the question of why buying things is fun in the first place, and whether that's actually something worth valuing, or I've just been surrounded by this cultural attitude so long that I've never thought to question it, despite it actually being fairly weird. I'm not going to start going around and yelling "WAKE UP CONSUMERIST SHEEPLE" and knocking products out of anybody's hands, but it's something I'm thinking about in my own life. Not freaking out about it, and not making a shift towards material minimalism, but being more aware of how consumerist culture affects me, I guess.
A little belated
Monday, September 24, 2018
My birthday has come and gone. Not too much to speak of, except that my friend Matt surprised me at the train station in the morning with cupcakes that had little fondant budgies on them. I was catching an early train, so it was before 7am, and I knew he was going to come see me there, but I didn't know about the cupcakes. It was a really nice way to start off my day and I'm very appreciative of the effort he made.
Family history and magnanimity
Sunday, September 16, 2018
My family has been trying to have dinner together on Sunday nights for the past few months, in an effort to promote cohesion and know more about each other. Lately I've been asking my parents questions about our family history, partially because I'm taking a Family Dynamics class and it's making me wonder about a lot of things. Tonight we went to a sushi restaurant and both of my parents shared some things about our family history that they knew. I learned the names of my maternal grandfather's parents and some of their story, and my dad retold us a story about my great great great grandmother on his side who fell down a well in China and couldn't get out for days because she had bound feet and struggled to climb out on her own. I can't even imagine how traumatic that would have been to go through. Unsurprisingly, after she was shipped off to Hawaii to marry my great great great grandfather, she worked as hard as she could to sew clothing to sell so she could save money to stay in Hawaii. Hawaii had running water, unlike China at the time, so there weren't wells around.
The personal stories of history can be so fascinating. It's disappointing to me that for a long stretch of my life, I just saw history as an incredibly boring summary of wars and treaties. It was sanitized of much of the life and individuality that characterized the lives that made it up.
Unrelated to my thoughts about my family history (at least, for the most part), I was reading more of Technology and the Virtues by Shannon Vallor tonight. I just finished the chapter on virtues that we can apply in the 21st century, one of which was magnanimity. Magnanimity is one of those words I have often seen but never thought too much about. After reading about it though, I think I will add it to the self-development "to do" list I keep to remind myself of which values I strive for and what things I want to work on.
Furthermore, the sense in which the 'great-souled' or magnanimous person is 'above' the common person is chiefly concerned with their lack of pettiness-- their unwillingness to defile their virtue by scrabbling in the dirt over trivial advantages, honors, titles, prizes, or other ego-boosting trifles. The great-souled person does not ignore these things because he wishes to be above others, rather he is above others just because he tends to ignore these things. The things the great-souled person values are more valuable. The magnanimous person is the one who has a sense of nobility and self-worth founded in a lifetime of moral and social efforts rather than relatively meaningless zero-sum contests of ego. The magnanimous person can afford to be generous in spirit where others are not. He can absorb a petty insult without having to repay it. He can warmly greet the person who has pretended not to notice his arrival. He can let the other car swoop into 'his' parking space at the mall without responding like a rabid dog.
Reading this, I have a renewed sense of something to strive for, which feels especially important at this juncture in my life. I've been fairly depressed lately and I think I'm coming out of it a bit right now, so it helps to have something to invigorate me and remind me of who I want to be.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Friday, September 14, 2018
I have been getting really bad headaches and I'm not sure why. Just a couple days this week, in the afternoon, right around when I finish babysitting. It's this throbbing pain that makes me feel like I'm going to collapse and/or throw up. Not a constant dull pain like the normal headaches I get... and light seems to make it much worse. Migraines, maybe?
Right now I'm wearing sunglasses to type this, haha. My sunglasses are tinted yellow and polarized and they seem to help a little, but I think there's some other issue I need to figure out here. My guess is that I'm sick, but it's this very strange sickness where my only symptoms are extremely mild occasional coughing and rare but extremely terrible throbbing headaches. I've never had a cold like this before and don't know what to make of it. :S
I've been really wanting to write a long and reflective post about something I've been thinking about for a few days, but it's currently too uncomfortable to stare at the screen for as long as it would take, so unfortunately I have to postpone that for now...
Triangular bayonet [4P]
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
One of the things that's hard to assess when you're getting to know someone is their ability to have an imaginative conversation. It's just banter I guess, but there's a certain quality to it that seems important to me to have in an ongoing friendship with someone.
I went to a rehearsal dinner last night, and one of the other members of the bridal party gave me a ride. On the way to the restaurant from the venue, we passed a wall someone had painted Chester the Cheetah on, and I remarked that Chester looked like he probably hung around the Marlboro camel and that they were the cool outsiders in high school. That comment launched us into a discussion about what various mascots would have been in high school and what their relationships with each other were like. For example, the Cocoa Puffs bird was friends with Chester and the camel in high school, but he got hooked on some hard stuff and they drifted apart as his life was overtaken by his addiction. Tony the Tiger was the star quarterback, but he was always too wholesome to hang with the cool outsiders. You're not gonna find Chester helping underprivileged kids with their reading comprehension at the local library, but Tony? Yeah, he's all about that.
Anyway, I don't know if there's a term for this kind of conversation. I guess it probably pops up a lot in podcasts, though I find podcasts fairly annoying and don't like them, haha. I want to participate in imaginative conversations, not listen to other people having them. I wonder how I can filter for people who are able to chat like this?
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
I guess I'm doing okay. Some bad nights that might have been exacerbated by recent stressors, but I haven't been taken out of commission by any of it.
Feeling tired of people. Or well, trying to meet people. I don't feel like I have the energy in me to make it work. Nothing is re-energizing me after all these things drain me.
It feels like I've lost touch with my reasons for doing things. My overarching sense of purpose is waning. It's distressing, to say the least. I think I'm suffering from a lack of things to care for. No pets, nobody who strongly needs my support at the moment. I wonder if I should try to find some kind of volunteer work... I'm back to babysitting, and the baby definitely needs me, at least. That's something...
This shift in me has been perplexing. I feel like I've become more open to spirituality (as in, more accepting of it and relaxed about it, not like I'm subscribing to any particular beliefs), but at the same time I've become... somewhat nihilistic? Or maybe that's just depression, sneaking back in an unfamiliar costume. I guess that's something that's been faithful to me, no matter how long we're separated.
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