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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Trying to stay positive, not an easy way to live
laugh right through the pain
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
TFAWTE
Monday, October 30, 2017
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Kyle: If I was going to be in pain for the rest of my life would you support my suicide
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: Well
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: I guess if that was what you really wanted
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: And we could find a way to do it that would minimize your suffering
[10/30/2017 11:12 PM] Me: I would be sad though
[10/30/2017 11:13 PM] Kyle: I think I would just OD on heroin.
[10/30/2017 11:13 PM] Me: I suppose that could be a nice way to go
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Kyle: Would you disrupt your life to go travel with me for like 6-12 months first
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Me: I think so.
[10/30/2017 11:18 PM] Me: If it was the last time I was going to see you then that would be worth putting my life on hold.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Me: Not sure how I would afford it though.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Kyle: I'm gonna kill myself on this scenario, I'll just pay for everything, silly.
[10/30/2017 11:19 PM] Me: Haha

It makes me really sad to think about not having Kyle as an active presence in my life, so I hope this scenario doesn't come to pass.

---

Went to the gym twice on Saturday and twice today. Gym is my boyfriend and we're getting serious.

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Calm and nothingness
Sunday, October 29, 2017
"I Have Enough Time To Be Disappointed Again" by Nao.

A small dark room with a crowd of people in it, and green and blue lights swirling behind the band on stage. Nobody is saying anything, nobody is dancing. At most, there is minute swaying from some of the members of the audience, and some people close their eyes. If you close your eyes, the room feels bigger, and it feels like you're alone, but you fill the whole space. Weightless, limitless, the expanse of yourself exists only in this moment, while the music plays, while your eyes are closed. There is no time, there is no you; you are inseparable from this feeling, from this moment.

---

I don't normally listen to this kind of music, but this song is evoking a sort of calmness in me at the moment. I've been pondering the title for awhile. Don't know who to talk to about it. Lately I have been craving intellectual conversation, but not the type that includes facts and figures and outside knowledge... Those kinds of discussions are okay too, but I feel a bit tired of regurgitating information. I guess what I'm looking for is more personally meaningful. Just want to have someone to talk to about what something brings up for each of us. Memories, feelings, visuals, etc. That would be nice. I keep talking about how I would like to have this, but I don't know where to find it.

I want to make something, but I don't feel inspired. I just feel... sort of calm. Have been trying to increase the amount I go to the gym, which I think might be impacting my mood. Things are more stable now. Not particularly depressed. I have many of the same thoughts as when I'm depressed, but different reactions to them. It's a cheesy analogy, but it feels a little like being Neo and being aware of the code of the Matrix, if the Matrix were... myself, I guess. Except that Neo doesn't repeatedly get plugged back into the Matrix in such a way that it becomes his whole reality again.

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Love is for the birds
Saturday, October 28, 2017
After my workout this morning, I decide to go to Petco to look at the parakeets.

I approach the glass-walled cage and look in, and instantly, I feel nothing but love for all of them.

This feeling is something I miss about having pets. I am never disappointed by my pets because I expect nothing from them but to exist. I feel only love and care and affection for them. It doesn't matter if they love me back.

Things with people are different because what I expect from them is proportional to what I believe they are capable of. I guess the zone of disappointment lies between their potential and what they will realistically do.

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Closing
Friday, October 27, 2017
He ends every conversation with "thanks for being" now.

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Silent devotion [2P]
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
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Hate/love
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
I heard once that you could only hate someone as much as you loved them. I don't think that's true, but I think you can only hate someone as much as they are important to you. Similarly, you can only love someone as much as they are important to you.

In my personal life, though, I knew when I'd never really loved someone if I couldn't hate them after they were gone.

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Trial period [_]
Monday, October 23, 2017
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Words [DP]
Sunday, October 22, 2017
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