A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Something that you like
Saturday, December 5, 2020
"The Dark of the MatinĂ©e" by Franz Ferdinand.
I time every journey
To bump into you accidentally
I charm you and tell you
Of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate
All the words I hate, all the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
Or how you'd have a happy life
If you did the things you like
This part of the song resonates with me more as I get older, and I increasingly find myself in the position of the one mentioning what they like. I was pretty moody and cynical as a teenager and it took me awhile to come out of the "positive thinking is stupid delusional bullshit" mindset.
I mean, it really is pretty useless to tell other people to just focus on the positive, because that dismisses their problems, but when it's a choice you make for yourself and you don't do it by ignoring the negative in life, it makes a difference. So it's more about... prioritizing the positive? Making an effort to acknowledge it and be grateful for what's there? The cynical framing of it as making things up and denying reality feels like a strawman to me. Or at least, that's how I see the way I used to understand it. I can't speak to how other people perceive it.
Changing your mindset doesn't fix all your problems or magically grant you happiness, of course, but it does take the edge off of existence enough to make it worthwhile to me.
Reclaiming the word [4P]
Thursday, November 26, 2020
Saturday, October 31, 2020
I keep feeling like my brain has short circuited.
So much time keeps passing somehow. I haven't written back to my penpal in three months, and every day I think I'll do it and then somehow the whole day is gone. Feelsbadman.
"My Best Friend" by Alfie Templeman.
I'm not sure what I'm doing with my time. I've been babysitting again, which is nice, but that's only a few hours a week. Started at the crisis line again too, but again that's not a big time commitment. School is on hold at the moment and I can't go out and do much, so aside from the few obligations I have during the week I mostly just... sleep, I guess. It's often more interesting to dream than it is to be awake.
It never feels like I have enough to say to write a blog post anymore. I want to write but nothing comes. Can't even write about my feelings because I don't feel much most of the time.
Tonight I listened to "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure on repeat though and I did feel something. It was a sort of beautiful sadness, deep, tender, painful, alive. It was like the old sadnesses I used to have. The ones that you are grateful for because they remind you that you can feel, that this is what feeling is. I miss feeling things deeply. So much badness in the world and the news, and I try not to absorb it but it still gets to me, and I'm burnt out on it. I've emotionally shut down to some extent to protect myself-- not intentionally, but against my wishes. It's all too much.
Nothing has ever been perfect or fully okay, but I feel less able to carve out some small space for myself to appreciate beauty and life now than before. It's a privileged position I guess, to have had the experience of life without inescapable awareness of injustice and immorality. I don't know that I've ever tried to ignore things though... Before it just felt like I had a choice on what to focus on, and I could put more weight on things that might lift me up. Now it's like the bad parts constantly intrude on my inner world and there's no respite.
Maybe we're all feeling this way though. The pandemic and politics have been burning out a lot of people.
I remember a clip from a movie-- some Japanese film I think-- where a mother is preparing food for her family. She has some kind of condition where she can't sleep or she'll die, so her family is trying to keep her busy so she'll stay awake. They plead for her to cook for them, and she finally finishes preparing the meal and then collapses. I have no idea what the context of that scene was but something about it resonates with me.
Budgie fat camp
Saturday, September 19, 2020
I took my birds to the vet today. It's a contactless operation now, so the vet called me on my phone to discuss what they found.
"You are the proud owner of a morbidly obese budgie," she told me.
This was not truly a surprise, as I had noticed that one of my birds was indeed quite a lot heavier than the other. He just loves eating, and thanks to frequent treat offerings from my brother he has swelled up to a hefty 58 grams. That's nearly twice the weight of my other budgie, who at last weigh-in was somewhere in the 30s range.
The vet was quite colorful in describing how fat my budgie is.
"He's so fat that he's got a layer of fat making it difficult for him to poop, and he's so fat that he can't reach around and clean himself. He's probably had poop stuck down near his vent, what we call a butt plug. If he gets much fatter his legs and back won't work and he'll have to scoot around with his belly on a skateboard."
As hilarious and horrifying as this report was, the light at the end of the tunnel was that we just need to get him to lose some weight and he should be okay. The vet offered to put him through budgie fat camp for a week and I agreed. I was worried it would be thousands of dollars but it was actually under $600, which felt quite reasonable in comparison. Anyway, this is my brother's favorite budgie (and it's also his fault that the budgie is so fat), so he can foot the bill.
Old familiar feelings [DP]
Wednesday, August 19, 2020
Monday, August 10, 2020
I've been making pie smoothies the past couple days. Not like, making pie into smoothies, but making pie-flavored smoothies. Still experimenting with the ingredients, but the one I made just now came out pretty good.
This is not a great picture for several reasons, but you get the idea:
This is a blueberry pie smoothie. I used:
-Lime juice (I don't think this was necessary)
-Strawberry balsamic vinegar
The vinegar really gave it the "juicy" quality I was looking for. I thought the tartness from the lime juice would help but... eh, it didn't do much. No measurements because I didn't measure anything.
I've been having trouble eating recently, so having something easy/nutritious like this is good.
Friday, July 8, 2020
I decided to go get tested for COVID-19 on Wednesday. The testing site I went to opened at 10 AM, but my dad advised me to get there at 9 because the line would likely be long. I got there a little after 9 and the line grew to probably twice the size by the time 10 AM rolled around. All in all I ended up waiting about two and a half hours to get swabbed.
Having seen some of the videos and pictures online of swabbing, I was slightly nervous about how it would feel, but actually it wasn't bad at all. They didn't jam the swab up my nose and poke my brain or anything.
Got the results yesterday, which was sooner than expected. Thankfully I'm in the clear-- no virus for me. Now I can go back to just being paranoid that other people have it.
Thursday, June 18, 2020
"Some Things Cosmic" by Angel Olsen.
If cosmic force
Is real at all
It's come between you and I...
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