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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Conspiracy Friends!
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Dumm Comics
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
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IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
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JBabb Comics
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
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Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
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Habits and shifts
Sunday, September 4, 2022
"Fixing a Hole" by The Beatles.

I've been doing better this past year. Like, a lot better, really, than pretty much any other time within memory for the entirety of my adult life. But I guess like... it's not that I'm the happiest I've ever been or anything. I've had brief periods of intensely good feelings and this isn't that. This is more like general stability and functionality. It feels funny to say that-- "functionality"-- like, haven't I been functioning all this time? Haven't I been moving along in my life, getting things done, making deadlines, and so on?

And it's true, I was getting by, for years really. There were some bumps in the road of course, I can't deny that. I've missed assignments, I've dropped classes, I've let opportunities go. I never got into any serious trouble though, nothing life-arresting that I can think of. Not like the stories I hear about people who can't get out of bed or who just stop going to work or things like that. Nothing to be alarmed about.

I'm not sure if it's any one thing I've been doing differently, but I've made a number of smaller life changes over the past year that I think have come together to just help me a lot in general. Taking Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and iron every day; stretching every day; exercising most days of the week for at least an hour at a time; reading five pages of a book every day; going to bed at a relatively consistent time before midnight; socializing at regular intervals in person; cleaning and putting things away regularly.

Some of these things only feel possible because of other things. For years it felt like kind of a big undertaking to do certain things, but it doesn't feel so hard anymore. I have energy to do more than I have to do. I still feel down some days, but it doesn't seem to consume my existence, or I get back to this higher baseline state relatively quickly.

Things that have not changed, though: Still not drinking, smoking, or doing any drugs, including caffeine (except for rare occasions a few times a year when I have green tea). I think I'll keep it this way. No need to mess with things when I seem to have a balance at the moment.

I was thinking about writing something about what I've been thinking of as sort of stages of living in an Existentially authentic way, but I haven't quite collected all my thoughts about that yet. Maybe going over some Existential texts would help. I'm currently reading Madness by Marya Hornbacher, and this five-pages-a-day thing, while effective, is a rather slow process. I feel more able to keep going with this rate, because it's such a small/manageable amount per day.

So yeah, I dunno, I guess the gist of this post is really just to say that giving myself a series of small daily tasks and trying to get my nutrition in order is making a noticeable difference in a positive way. It hasn't quite given me the boost to blog more frequently yet (which may also be because I end up telling people things directly instead of amassing a bunch of thoughts that are best put out in blog post format?). In any case, I'm doing well.

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What even is this
Thursday, August 25, 2022
What is happening

What is with this day

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Mood today
Saturday, August 6, 2022
"Set It On Fire (Extended Version)" by Blood Cultures.

Take all of my dreams
Take off both your wings
And set them on fire
You set them on fire

Take all of my things
All of my beliefs
And set them on fire
You set them on fire

You gave me everything
Everything I feel
Then set it on fire
You set it on fire

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And then [4P]
Tuesday, August 2, 2022
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Still going strong [DP]
Wednesday, July 6, 2022
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Okay, something good
Friday, June 17, 2022
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Quick bit
Sunday, May 15, 2022
"Indie Song" by Pops Tuna.

I've been asking my mom questions about her mother, and I'm learning some things that put my own experiences into context. I haven't been very happy with some of the ways my mom chose to parent me when I was growing up, but knowing how her mother treated her, I feel I understand better now why she did some of the things she did. It's giving me more compassion for her.


What else to say... I am keeping up well with my intentional habits of stretching and reading, and I'm working out five days a week regularly now. Trying to get enough protein is pretty hard and I'm not always hitting my goals, but I'm certainly getting a lot more than I was before, and I feel stronger and more physically capable, which is nice. I really need to work on my cardio though... That's been neglected since I'm just doing weight lifting for the most part, but I want to get it back on track...

I keep accidentally kicking my toe in the same spot where it broke though, so for now I've got it taped again and I'm wearing the post-op shoe until it stops hurting. I don't know that I even feel much about this except... tired.

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More good things
Friday, April 15, 2022
"Club Mania" by Pixel Grip.

Obsessed with this song today, so good.

I finally bought makeup primer for the first in my life, after wondering for years why I would always get raccoon eyes from eyeliner. I'm sure this is incredibly obvious to anybody who even vaguely knows what they're doing with makeup, but wow, primer really helps hahaha. Another step in the direction of figuring out how to present myself in a more aesthetically pleasing manner, I suppose.

I feel pretty good overall. One of my clients is a small child and I called his mom today to get some information to help me in treatment, and she seemed relieved and grateful to talk to me about how it was going. She even said that the behaviors he was exhibiting that led to his referral had declined! It was honestly wild, because I didn't even know specifically why he had been referred (all they told me was that he was disruptive), but I feel great hearing that apparently within the time I've been seeing him, he's improved in that way. I don't know if it was actually because of me or not, but the timing does coincide perfectly with when he started seeing me.

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