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Memores acti prudentes futuri

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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
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Blue Milk Special
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Conspiracy Friends!
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Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
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Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
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Natalie Dee
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Out There
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Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
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Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
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Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
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Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
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Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
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Meat and Plastic
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Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Some of my dreams have similar enough central themes that I'm able to categorize them into groups such as "running/pursuit", "zombie/alien", and "seduction".

In the "running/pursuit" dreams, I am running from something or being chased.

In the "zombie/alien" dreams, I'm surrounded by zombies, aliens, mutants, whatever; some large group I'm not a part of, but which I need to escape or pretend to be part of in order to survive.

Then there's the "seduction" category. I don't have these a whole lot, but they usually involve me having to seduce someone. Not in an "oh, you're so attractive, I wanna do stuff with you -intense sexy stare/bedroom eyes-" kind of way, but in a life-or-death kind of way. As in "if I don't seduce this person, I will die, or someone else will."

For instance, in one dream, there was a curly-haired serial killer with a chainsaw in my house, and I had to try to seduce him so he wouldn't kill my whole family. It didn't work, and he ended up scalping my grandma while she slept.

In another case, a combination of the "zombie/alien" and "seduction" categories, I was in a large greenhouse which was surrounded by zombies, and I had to try to seduce this guy so that he would throw a grappling hook through a window onto the roof so we could climb up and escape......... It didn't work.


Last night, I dreamt that I and this man who was my father were assassins. Our advantage lay in the fact that we were publicly considered dead, so we typically had the element of surprise. I came into my bedroom to find that my father was dead, and there was a dog lying next to him on my bed. I walked dazedly over to it, and the dog sat up and turned into a man. He had killed my father (he was a rival assassin) and could change into animal shapes.

Well, he was a huge jerk, and despite the fact that he had just killed my father and fellow assassin, he decided to hit on me (before killing me as well?). I went along with it, despite my shock, and pretended I wasn't completely affronted; I even acted like I was legitimately interested. He tried to show off for me, and I asked if he could turn into a pigeon. Smiling cockily, he obliged, his head becoming pigeon-like first, then his body following.

I grabbed hold of him and twisted his neck, meaning to kill him. It didn't work the first time, though, but since I was holding him tight, he couldn't turn back into a human. I held his pigeon-neck between my index finger and thumb, and (this is not realistic at all, but come on, it's a dream) I could feel two veins throbbing beneath my fingertips. I squeezed until I felt them burst, and his head fell to one side and he went limp.


That was the first time I ever had a "seduction" type dream where I didn't fail... I guess the circumstances were a little different than usual, but still, I thought it was interesting.


Hahahahahahaha, oh man.

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Shopping (and therefore...) [2P]
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
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Saturday, December 24, 2011
Everyone gives him their name, except for me. I'm shy, I don't feel comfortable letting him know what my real name is.

It turns out that my shyness is my savior, because once he has their names, he has complete power over them. He has us come over one by one, to make sure he has control. I play along, so he won't suspect anything. I have to move like them, I have to have the same blank stare as them as he instructs us.

I can't tell if we're in a normal classroom or Hell. Everything looks warm, but it doesn't feel like it.

He takes out a small stapler and begins pushing the staples into a girl's face. Her skin stretches and sags, and it swells and almost looks like it's melting. The staples he's putting in her are destroying the nerves under her skin or something like that. She's standing perfectly still, and it's horrifying to watch, but I don't know what to do.


The teacher tells us she's just going to give out the answers to the test and then come back later. The test won't be graded, she says. I don't feel right about looking at the answers, but everyone else copies them eagerly.

The first answer is "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ"... I write it down in the blank space below the question before my unease prevents me from writing the others.

When she comes back, it turns out she tricked us. She grades all the tests, and many people get negative scores... I get a 6 out of 25, which is sadly one of the higher scores. The first question, when I look at it, says:

"What letter comes next? A B C D _"

I realize the idiocy of my mistake and smack myself for not reading the questions more closely.

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My parents
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mom: Oh, uh, PAMF called to make sure you were doing okay.
Dad: Were you talking to me?
Mom: Yeah, PAMF called to check up on you.
Dad: Oh, the medical center?
Mom: Yeah.
Dad: "I'm sorry, he died."

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Feeling conflicted. Again. Surprise surprise.

I'm not... doing things right. But I can't want to do them right. I've hit almost total apathy and I just don't care, although I'm near certain I will regret these things later on.

Besides that, I think I will be participating in a study soon. They tell me they don't see any reason I shouldn't be eligible for it, based on a few psychiatric interviews. The only problem is that I don't have a formal diagnosis/medical record of depression. I haven't really ever seen a psychiatrist except for that one time at St. John's, and that dude just ran through a checklist real fast and told me I should consider medication. Whatevs, man.

I never used to have any issues with taking meds. But then, y'know, I heard so much about how they can change you, make you a different person... Take away your feeling, sometimes. If I don't have any feeling right now anyway, I don't know if it'd matter.

(Side note: I'm usually an INFP, but I test as an INTJ when I'm this apathetic. Very weird.)

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Saturday, December 17, 2011
I just signed into my account at the Stanford Blood Center. In the top left corner, there's a thing that says what your blood type is.

Mine is B+. My first thought when I glanced at that was "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"

So now I feel kind of stupid for getting my blood type mixed up with my grades.

It's kind of weird to see my health history on the blood donation site. My last donation was in June, so it's been awhile since I donated, but a few things have changed noticeably. :S

June: 176
December: 193 (Wtf??? This is close to the cutoff level for being too high)

June: 76
December: 66 (I'm not sure if this is good or bad?)

Blood pressure:
June: 118/70
December: 102/78 (The woman who measured this said it seemed really low?)

Granted, when I donated a few days ago I hadn't really eaten or drunk, nor slept very much, but would that have affected my numbers that much...? I don't know a lot about these things. :/

Besides that, I'm feeling kind of restless and... unhappy? Irritable? I'm not sure, but it's not good.


In other news, I hear the Iraq war is over. So... that's something. Are we out of Afghanistan as well? The article I read didn't specify. But anyway... um... yay? I'm not sure what this will mean for the U.S. Those veterans are going to have a hard time finding jobs...


I don't know why I'm feeling like this but I really want to punch someone in the face.

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More pictures already?! [2P]
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
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I have been neglecting my camera [DP]
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
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