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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness." ~ D.H. Lawrence "Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?" "Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost." ~ Seneca "People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect." ~ Daydream Nation "All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death." ~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes "The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road." ~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." ~ William Blake   Think about it Musicalities! Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics Web Comics and Such A Distant Soil (Some nudity) The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff) Aquapunk Axe Cop Basic Instructions Bear Nuts Beeserker  Blue Milk Special Bobbins Broodhollow Bug Buttersafe Camp Weedonwantcha Chainsawsuit ChannelATE Cigarro & Cerveja Conspiracy Friends! Crunchy Bunches  Curia Regis Cyanide and Happiness dead winter (has some explicit stuff) Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?) Diesel Sweeties DUBBLEBABY Dumm Comics Eat That Toast! E-merl.com The End Evil Diva Evil Inc. Existential Comics The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon For Lack of a Better Comic Forming (Explicit)  Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)  MirrorThe Intrepid Girlbot JBabb Comics The Last Halloween Last Train to Old Town L.A.W.L.S. The League of Evil Genius  Legend of Bill Living With Insanity (some nudity) Love Me Nice Married to the Sea Meaty Yogurt Medium Large The Meek Metacarpolis Monsterhood Monsterkind The Moon Prince Moth (Some nudity) Mr. Lovenstein Muddlers Beat  Natalie Dee Nedroid The Non-Adventures of Wonderella Optipess Out There Owen's Uncles Phuzzy Comics P.I. Jane Political Cartoonists Index Poorly Drawn Lines Powernap The Property of Hate Red Meat Rice Boy Robbie and Bobby Rosscott, Inc. Safely Endangered Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Savage Chickens Scenes from a Multiverse The Secret Knots Serenity Rose Stand Still. Stay Silent Stinking Hellebore Strong Female Protagonist Subnormality The Super Fogeys Tales of Pylea Three Word Phrase (some nudity) Tiny Kitten Teeth Toothpaste for Dinner Trying Human (Some nudity) Two Guys and Guy  Mirror Wilde Life Witchy xkcd Yellow Peril (PG-13) Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics The Abominable Charles Christopher The Adventures of Dr. McNinja The Adventures of Ellie Connelly American Hell Bag of Toast Bear in Mind Bobwhite The Book of Biff Brat-halla Brightest Bullfinch Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff) Daisy is Dead Distillum Dream Life Ectopiary (Some nudity) Edemia Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life A Fine Example Finn and Charlie are HITCHED Floodmud Freaks!  Green Wake Gun Show Hark! A Vagrant Head Doctor Productions Hello with Cheese Helpful Figures Hollow Mountain IDK Comics Inscribing Ardi Intragalactic Kyle & Atticus Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space Letters to a Wild Boar Lovecraft is Missing  Manta-man Meat and Plastic Minimalism Sucks Mis- Moe Moon Town The Nerds of Paradise Nimona No Reason Comics Odd-Fish One Swoop Fell Patches Pictures for Sad Children Raymondo Person A Redtail's Dream  Riotfish Roy's Boys (PG 13?) Run Freak Run Saint's Way Shortpacked! Sin Titulo Snowflakes Split Lip Spooky Doofus SubCulture Super Buzzkill The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston Thermohalia Troubletown Ugly Girl YU + ME 2815 Monument Pure Flash Awesomeness Aardvardkbutter.com Angry Alien Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry The Frown Hoogerbrugge Other Bogleech Clients from Hell Brian Despain Creatures in My Head Damn You Auto Correct! Jhonen Vasquez's site Overheard in New York Passive Aggressive Notes Submarinechannel.com Superdickery UHpinions Whirled | What became of it Tuesday, January 16, 2018 I wrote him a poem. It wasn't my best work, but he found it amusing. Aaaaaaaaand we might have... cuddled? A little? For several hours? Ha ha what how did that happen --- Things did happen on the retreat as well, but I just... don't feel like writing about any of them at the moment, haha. Comment! (1) | Recommend! Car talk/laughter Tuesday, January 9, 2018 I think we've spent at least a couple hours every time we've hung out just sitting in his car and chatting. It's comfortable. Today while IMing via Discord we started just describing how we were reacting in amusement instead of typing "haha" or "lol" and it was entertaining. (Talking about theories of why tall guys like short girls) [11:53 PM] Me: It could also be that from your height, shorter girls have that flattering Myspace angle perspective [11:53 PM] Him: my mouth didn't open to laugh, but air exited my nostrils at a rate such that there was an audible "whooosh" sort of sound [11:54 PM] Him: yeah when i hang with you, i feel like i'm interacting with a myspace profile [11:54 PM] Me: I'm like quietly laughing hard [11:54 PM] Me: My mirth is audible [11:55 PM] Him: XD [11:55 PM] Him: i live to make mirth audible [11:56 PM] Me: Another hard quiet laugh that slipped into an amused smile [11:57 PM] Him: a smirk overtook the lower portion of my face, only disappearing after my facial muscles were noticeably tense [11:59 PM] Me: Low volume laugh that became silent but was still animated, accompanied by closed eyes and holding my hand to my face to steady myself It felt weird, but the weirdness of it made it funny, I guess? The descriptions gave a lot more personality to the reactions. --- I had my orientation for the new school today too. Felt better about it than the last orientation. I'm going on a four day retreat on Thursday for one of my classes, during which I guess we'll be doing intensive group work all day every day, so I might have something to say about that once I get back... Comment! (2) | Recommend! More hours Friday, January 5, 2018 Last time, we talked about lending each other books. This time, we did. He picked me up at 11:30 and I brought my copy of The Disaster Artist for him to read. He brought Arsène Schrauwen for me. We went and got falafel, then drove up to Stanford and looked at the art museum there until it closed. We had a compatible way of museum-going, I felt. A good mixture of seriously talking about the art and joking about it. I think my favorite part of the museum was this really dark room that had audio of Neil Armstrong's moon walk playing. The idea was that the darkness would be disorienting and stuff, I guess? We stayed in there for awhile, nervously walking with hands outstretched at first, but once we got a sense of the dimensions of the room, it felt a lot less scary. After the museum, we got dinner and walked around a mall. It was nice, and we wandered through a few shops, commenting on various items. Went into a trendy pop up underwear store to see whether the underwear was really worth the hefty price tag. He concluded that it might be, because of how soft it was. I'm still not so sure. $16 for one pair... better be amazing at that price. We also went into Williams and Sonoma as they were closing up shop, and pretended to carefully consider which knives to buy. He picked one up and I mentioned that I briefly had the thought, "what if he stabbed me with that?" Later in his car, we joked about asking the employees for their recommendations on which knife would be best to stab someone. It was raining lightly, and we sat in the car and talked for some time. Through the fogged up, rain-spattered window, the lights outside looked like long arcs. I'd never seen anything like it before. Now we have made a deal: He will send me a drawing, and I will write a poem about it. What will come out of this? Comment! (0) | Recommend! Pleasant few hours Tuesday, January 2, 2018 Met up with someone new tonight. He was cool. Didn't look at his phone the whole time we hung out, which I liked. We met at a cafe around 6, and I didn't think it was going to be super long, so I told my parents I'd be home for dinner. Ended up staying out until like 11:30pm, whoops! I had a good time with him, though. We sat in the cafe until it closed, then got Mexican food from a food truck and ate it in his car and talked for a couple more hours. He was cuter than I was expecting... Unfortunately very tall though. >_> Guh. Gonna make plans to hang out again soon! I'm sad there's no art walk this Friday, or I'd ask him if he wanted to go to that... Comment! (1) | Recommend! YNALTTAYAR Saturday, December 30, 2017 "Summer" by The Blow. I don't know, but I keep expecting the lyrics to go differently than they do... The third line is what my brain thinks it's going to be. I keep calling up your number but there's nobody there You're like a pinball wizard with a wave in your hair You keep acting like you love me but I know you don't care I saw your heart crack open and its spell(?) in the air --- We went to the Getty today. I mostly looked at an exhibit of Argentinian photography. It was strangely emotional. Kind of wish I'd had more time to look, but we only spent a couple hours at the museum. It was pretty crowded because of the holidays, so not really optimal for me anyway though. I don't like being around that many people when I'm trying to look at art. Comment! (0) | Recommend! Maybe I should take that back Friday, December 29, 2017 Mood is definitely low tonight. I'm in SoCal visiting my aunt's house. It's... a very large house. Something above 6000 sq ft. I wouldn't want to live in a house like this. The funny thing is, it's barely more expensive than my house. >_> My social energy feels so drained. I don't feel like meeting new people or making connections, but at the same time, I really want to have someone to talk to regularly. I miss when Kyle and I used to talk every day, back when we were teenagers. I don't feel like I've really had anything like that since. Seems like the only way to get that is to have some kind of romantic potential involved. A relationship would be nice, but the start up cost feels overwhelming to me right now. Thinking about dating is just paralyzing to the point where I don't want to bother. I keep having the urge to talk to my mom about these problems, but recently my brother came home when I was talking to her about my attempts to meet people, and he butted into the conversation and ranted about how easy I have it as a girl and how hard it is for guys. My mom and I both raised objections, but he didn't care, of course. It's almost impossible to get through to him because he discounts anything that doesn't support his views as an exception to the rule, or confirmation bias. Comment! (0) | Recommend! Maybe I'll try to write more Wednesday, December 27, 2017 I feel like my recent dearth of blog posts has accompanied a general feeling of complacency. Mood is not particularly low, but I just... don't feel driven to do much. Oh, and I found out that I accidentally lost 7 lbs, probably because I haven't been eating enough. Whoops. Sadly it's likely just muscle mass from not the combo of not eating enough and not working out because I got sick and stopped going to the gym for awhile. Trying to get back into it, though. Went to the gym yesterday and stayed for two classes even though the second class was a horrendous country music dance class. Guh, it was so awful. I've been pretty sore today, but I ended up walking five miles at a meetup anyway, so now my feet hurt in addition to my legs. Yayyyyyy... Going down south tomorrow. Hoping to see a couple friends there, but I'm not sure what the plan is just yet. Have been chatting with various people on OKC, and might meet up with more soon, but nothing too interesting just yet. Hung out with that dude from Sunday again and we went to the avian vet and looked at the budgies there. They had some up for adoption and I really wanted to adopt a couple, because they were so cute and I loved them immediately, but I haven't got the right setup in my house for birds at the moment... Plus I would need to take a bird care class with Mickaboo and have them do a home visit and stuff to adopt... But once those things are out of the way, if I can afford to, I'd really love to get more budgies. I miss having birds so much. Things just haven't felt the same since I lost Romeo and Cici. Feels like I need something to love again. Comment! (0) | Recommend! Holidays are stressful Monday, December 25, 2017 I got up early to make food for Christmas and felt stressed out because it took longer than anticipated and didn't come out quite right. Everybody else was just sleeping or on the computer or playing games. I had like four hours of sleep and no food until 1 pm. Probably made me more susceptible to stress. I don't remember the last time I actually enjoyed a holiday, though. Like, legitimately enjoyed one, rather than just getting through it. A few years ago, maybe? My mom also wants me to draw up a family newsletter to send out... I haven't done any comics for a long time, but I guess I'm supposed to do a whole bunch now. Not feeling enthusiastic about it. No presents. Maybe my family just isn't doing that anymore. We didn't decorate, either. Not even a tree. I don't know why. Maybe nobody cares. I don't think I would have been bothered by any of this if my mom didn't insist on playing Christmas music all day every day for the past like... week or two. The lack of presents and tree was a little sad, but the Christmas music made me want to scream, especially since she put on a Pandora Christmas playlist that kept playing country songs for some godforsaken reason. Since my family apparently didn't buy into capitalistic gift-giving traditions this year, I got a couple games for myself on Steam. I've been avoiding spending any money, but I figured a few bucks wouldn't kill me. Looking forward to Where They Cremate the Roadkill the most. John Clowder's work has never failed to awe me. Comment! (0) | Recommend! 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