A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
A decline, a drop off?
Monday, March 12, 2012
I don't know what this means for me.
I can't tell how I feel. Nothingness, in some way. Maybe numb. And yet, fully immersed in reality.
I'm solid and I feel solid, but it's like I'm not really here at all. I don't exist, therefore my memories are not real, and the past didn't truly happen.
I just want to sleep, I want to be alone and sleep for a week, for a month. I don't want to participate in society for awhile.
What have I done?
From a past life...
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Well, not really from a past life, but it feels like it.
Listening to music I haven't listened to in a long time... bringing back memories of things that scarcely exist to me anymore.
Of course I know that they existed, and continue to exist, in reality, but within the sphere of my life, it's like they never did.
I have memories, but the subjects of the memories feel like they never existed in this life, for this version of me.
I remember someone singing, but it was to a different me in a different life.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
So I was sort of derealized for... I dunno, 2+ years I guess?
And now I feel fully immersed in reality and it's unpleasant. It's just... weird. Things are all clear all the time and everything feels too... close.
But that's the nature of reality I suppose.
I've been having trouble with my emotions these past few days. I'll... well, I won't really FEEL something, exactly. I'll have thoughts that would be associated with feelings, but the feelings themselves don't seem to reach me. It's really weird. It's making me somewhat more action-oriented than I usually am, though. Like, this not-exactly-emotions make me want to do things. And not good things.
I don't know... I'll figure this out eventually. I've always been able to adapt to these things. It just takes time.
I don't remember feeling this real before. I started feeling that haze in high school, sophomore year I think. So that would make it more like 4+ years where I was derealized/possibly depersonalized. And I never really thought much about what it was. I knew the terms, and I had considered that I might be, but it never REALLY sunk in. I guess it doesn't really matter, though. I'm just typing my thoughts out as they come, honestly.
...Think I might be sick. Having sinus issues. It's 1:22 AM, better sleep.
But first: I dreamt a scene, then thought I woke up from that, then thought I went back to sleep, and then in a later dream scene I was telling everybody about the dream I had had earlier, which, really, was just part of the same dream. My brain's going all Inception on me I guess.
Pictures of stuff and a haircut [2P]
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I haven't told many people this
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
But my grandma died Monday morning.
I'm not sure if I'm sad. I wasn't really close to her, as I think I mentioned before. And death is natural, of course.
The funeral is supposed to be the weekend of my dad's and boyfriend's birthdays. My family is going to fly out to Hawaii for the service, which will likely be small. Since my grandma had dementia, she didn't really keep in contact with her friends, and a lot of them are already gone anyway. It will probably be mostly just family attending.
That's all I really have to say.
The Bullet Man and Green Whales
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Right before sleep
Friday, February 24, 2012
I tend to move into dream-thought-mode pretty quickly.
So last night(?) I was almost asleep and I thought about a large gathering of jungle animals watching a lemur do stand up comedy, and the lemur was like, "hey guys, so this thing happened..."
And then another animal stood up, and it was furry, and it said "was it because of this?" and it took a revolver and shot itself in the head.
And another animal piped up, right after that, "yeah, was it because of this?" and it blew its brains out as well, and several other animals stood up and did the same thing in succession.
Anyway, they all thought it was very funny so I guess the stand up show was a smash hit.
Something I haven't mentioned
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My grandma, my last living grandparent, has been in the hospital a few days.
I think it was just an infection, and pneumonia, at first, and she was recovering from that.
She was in pain because of the tubes they had stuck in her though, and I was told that she would sometimes wake up saying "help... help me..."
She thought she was dying, so she told them to pull the plug, and they told her "no, you just had pneumonia, you'll be fine."
But then she had a stroke, and now they don't think she'll ever regain consciousness.
As per her wishes, they won't keep her alive needlessly, but they're going to keep her on the respirator until my uncle can go out and visit her, because he wants to see her before she dies.
My dad said he wasn't going to go, but he'd like to say a few things to her over the phone, even if she can't hear it.
He asked me if I would want to go to the funeral.
She isn't gone yet, we don't know when she will be.
I don't really feel much at all about this. Three other elderly members of my family have died within my lifetime-- both my grandpas and a great aunt. I understood what was happening each time. I don't remember ever encountering death and not knowing what it was.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel. Sadness? She's not afraid to die. I don't really know her all that well. She's had dementia for most of my life and that made it hard to get to know her.
But I never really knew any of my grandparents that well. My other grandma died before I was born, and her husband, my grandpa on my mom's side, kind of lost interest in me and my brother when we weren't little anymore. My grandparents on my dad's side lived in Hawaii, so we only saw them once a year, and my grandpa on that side died when I was... twelve, I think.
I have to go to school, just wanted to say something about what's happening in my life right now.
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