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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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A sense of humor
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
You know how, when you ask a lot of people what they look for in a mate, they list a sense of humor as being an important quality?

I haven't really had a conscious list of things I look for in mates for a long time, but I can't remember a sense of humor ever being one of my top priorities. Maybe it just falls under "not boring"?

My boyfriend's sense of humor is... eh. He likes mine, though. He considers me very witty. And while I love him bunches, I don't think he's funny.

Although I do think the fact that he thinks he's hilarious is funny. So he rarely cracks jokes that make me laugh, but I'll laugh at his reaction to things.

He really likes puns, unfortunately, and I can tell that he really wants me to like his puns too, because every time he makes one (which is very often), he pauses and looks at me with this expression of utter glee and anticipation, like he expects me to laugh until I cry. I don't hate puns, but I very rarely find them that enjoyable.

Okay maybe I hate puns a little, now. I just felt neutral about them before I started dating him.

But usually it'll go something like this:

Me: You eat a lot of yogurt.
Him: Maybe it's because I'm so... CULTURED. -Huge gleeful grin as he waits for me to laugh at what he obviously considers a masterpiece of punnery-
Me: >:(
Him: :D :) :| :\ :C Well I thought it was funny.
Me: No.

He makes me laugh sometimes, but his favorite form of humor doesn't make the cut for me.

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Monday, February 4, 2013
Thinking about Dr. Rockzo, the Rock 'n Roll Clown. K-K-K-K YEAHHH.

I miss watching Metalocalypse.

My history class this morning was canceled, which means I don't have class until 3:30. Yay! I have a test though, so I should probably study.

I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis, just like last year. I don't know if it was pure chance I got it again or what, but it's annoying. I hope I don't start getting yearly bouts of it. This year wasn't as bad as last year, at least. Last year I had to miss a day of school because I just felt so awful. I think it lasted longer as well, maybe two weeks or more? Doctor was wondering if I had mono...


I keep reflecting on the ways my boyfriend treats me... I have this one finger that always (I think) looks kinda messed up because my skin is sensitive to soap/water and it dries out and can sometimes crack or itch a lot, and I usually hide it or have a bandaid on it, but if he sees me hiding it he'll hold my hand and tell me it looks fine and I shouldn't be so worried about it. He also just gives me a lot of compliments in general. I still don't have top notch self esteem, but he's helping it a lot.


Snorgtees advertisements really annoy me. If you haven't seen them, they take a sort-of-attractive-in-a-realistic-way girl and put a shirt on her, then have her pose in... I don't know, maybe what's supposed to be a sexy position? The shirts are always, always, really lame and not clever in the slightest. They're just reworkings of overused memes (zombies, for instance, or bacon) or "snarky attitude" sayings.

There are some memes I hate because they become so mainstream and overdone that it starts to feel like an inside joke that a million people tried to get in on without understanding the context. I'm not saying I have any special right to keep memes small or anything, but I feel like there's a point where it just gets to be too much. I get that people enjoy bacon, and that's fine for them, but it's going a bit overboard to make a whole subculture out of it.

I dunno. To me it feels like there was a small group of probably more-on-the-interesting-side people who were like "yeah, bacon tastes good!" and started the whole "bacon is awesome movement," then as it got bigger, less interesting and outright boring people who just wanted to be in on something came along and started pushing out stuff like "Either you like bacon or YOU'RE WRONG."

This probably makes me sound like a bad person in some way or another. I wish people would just create their own content instead of constantly recycling stuff. It's rare to see a meme done very well, although there are a fair number of okay ones.

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Hansel and Gretel
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Friday night I ended up falling asleep on my boyfriend's couch because I had taken my prescription codeine cough syrup before going to his apartment and it made me drowsy. (I think I have maybe mentioned before that I'm apparently allergic to dextromethorphan, which is in like every over the counter cough syrup?)

I think I was asleep (I just typed 'alseep' by accident and for some reason I find it funny), but I was thinking about how I should tell my mom if I was going to stay there and wondering if he would think to text her for me.

When I woke up, he told me he had texted her. Magic!

Last night we saw Hansel and Gretel at a nearby AMC Theatre. I had silver passes, but we still ended up having to pay $3 for our tickets. I mean, not that I'm complaining, since that's quite a bargain, but you'd think what with the passes and all that it'd be free. Anyway, after the movie ended, he remarked, "I'm glad this was only $3."

I didn't think it was that bad. :P Campy, yes, definitely, but I didn't expect much from it. I think that getting better from depression/depersonalization has immensely improved my ability to like movies. There was a period of maybe five to seven years where I really couldn't say I liked any movies I saw in theatres. I don't know if that's because the movies all sucked or I just couldn't enjoy them. The best I could say about a movie was that it was "solid and didn't have too many plotholes."

The music from Hansel and Gretel sounded like the music from the Sherlock Holmes movies with Robert Downey Jr. in them. It had that same plucky sound, not sure what instrument it comes from.


I had a dream last night... I was wandering around this dimly lit grocery store, browsing while I waited for someone to finish shopping... I was in an aisle that had the kind of freezers that are open, the ones you reach down into to get what you want. There were shelves above the freezers so that you couldn't see into the next aisle. I looked down into one of the freezers and saw a brown shipping box that had no pictures or descriptions of the product inside, and was curious to see what was in it. It was about the size of a shoebox, the sort that has a flap which opens from one side. I opened the box and pulled out a huge set of teeth and gums, frozen solid. They were laid flat though, not in the normal configuration of the human mouth. It occurred to me that their frozen state was keeping them from flying around and attacking people, so I put them back in the box, closed it, and replaced it in the freezer.

Later on I was walking around on a playground structure that was on stilts above water. There were a lot of other people there, but they weren't really people... They were monsters pretending to be people I knew, or had known. I think the disembodied teeth had something to do with it. They were trying to get me to become one of them, use my body perhaps, but I was evading them for the time being. I had a squirtgun and I was using it to spray them, which was working somewhat. They were stable when dry, but when they came into contact with water they were overwhelmed with an unbearable sadness and regret and you could just push them over the structure and into the water to drown them. My squirtgun only had a limited water supply, so I couldn't get all of them, but then another human came with a firehose and he managed to spray a lot of them into the water...

I remember spraying one of the ones that was coming towards me, and he just stopped where he was and became kind of slumped over and sighed "what's the point?" before I kicked him off the edge.

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Free snacks
Saturday, February 2, 2013
I went to my boyfriend's workplace today because he was picking up a table and some chairs. They're clearing out a part of the office I guess so he got them for free. Unfortunately, since it's office furniture, it's not exactly nice.

Anyway, I didn't really have anything to do there while they dismantled the tables (his coworkers were taking some tables/chairs too and were dismantling them in the interests of portability) so my boyfriend showed me to the break room and I got free snacks. They had baked sour cream and onion chips and some cereals (loose, in big containers that you just scoop out of) and juices. Also some candy and granola bars.

We hadn't eaten breakfast, but there was also nothing there I really wanted, so I just grabbed one of the granola bars for later and took a Tropicana grapefruit juice. The thing has 33g of sugar in it, and it's tiny. That's more sugar than a fair number of sodas. >_> It's grapefruit juice though, and generally concentrated juice is just... sugar water with flavor. I don't even like grapefruit juice. I was just drinking it for the vitamin C since I'm sick. Surprisingly, the apple juice had no vitamin C whatsoever, even though apples usually have it in their whole form. -Shrug-

I took a picture of the drink-making machine in the break room with my phone, but I'm at my boyfriend's apartment right now so I'll have to upload it later.

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Okay, first *legit* post of February
Friday, February 1, 2013
When I showed my dress to my mom (just as it was, not wearing it), she said it looked like underwear.

So then I told my boyfriend what she said, and he just remarked, "Good."

I told my ex about it too and he said basically the same thing. "That's a good sign that boys will like it."

By the way, thanks for all your tips about how to work around the low cut aspect of the dress. I'll have to investigate the options before I can decide anything. Luckily I have who knows how long to do that, since I do not attend parties or go clubbing.

It's my mom's birthday today, so we're going out to a fancy French restaurant for dinner. I'm looking at the menu right now and there is basically nothing I can eat. -__- Or well, nothing I really will eat. I think the best I can do is pan roasted trout with green beans in lemon maple butter with toasted almonds. I'm sure that sounds shockingly delicious to many people, but sadly I am not one of those people. I mean, it still sounds like it'll be good, but eh. -Shrug- They have a pan roasted salmon, but everything it comes with is stuff that I hate. Butternut squash, Brussels sprouts, and something called a red wine beet emulsion.

On the other hand, the nonalcoholic beverages section of the menu looks fabulous and I want to try them all. Pomegranate pres�e soda, ginger & honey limeade, mandarin blossom soda, and apple ginger soda? GIMME GIMME GIMME.

I bet my parents thought my picky eating habits were going to go away with age. Joke's on them I guess.

Even though I'm really hard to please, usually if people want to go somewhere I can find something I will eat, even if it's not a whole meal/balanced. I mean, unless we're going to Bob's House of Steak and Meat and More Meat and Nothing Else I will probably find a way to work around the menu.

On the plus side, my food preferences basically mean that I have no reason to go to ultra fancy expensive places, which is a money saver. I'm pretty happy with relatively cheap simple food as long as it's not too unhealthy/prepared in questionable conditions. (I'm looking at you, greasy dandruff-ridden cooks who scratch themselves over the pot)

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New dress (and first post of February?) [2P]
Friday, February 1, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Quick picture post
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I had pictures hiding out on my phone and I kept forgetting to upload them...

Romance-y couples' journals.

Something I saw on the posting board at school.

Self heating soup! I got the asparagus one but haven't tried it yet.

Sometimes poster/jewelry sellers come to the school and just set up in the quad. I had some extra time to kill before one of my classes so I took a look at their wares. Not sure what language this is in.

Monday through Friday (though hopefully this is my last week) I volunteer from 7:30-9 AM in the Child Development Center on campus. Usually I prep breakfast and then hang around with the kids until I have to leave. A catering company delivers the breakfast, so most of the time I just have to cut it up/heat it/pour it into a bowl (depending on what it is) and cut up some fruit, as well as fill pitchers with water and milk. Oatmeal was on the menu one of the days last week and this is what it looked like after I plopped it out of the container from the fridge...

My boyfriend and I went to a Petsmart to get some stuff for his rats, and I got a picture of this chinchilla. It was just hanging out like this with its head sticking out the doorway, looking like a grumpy dude.

They had a really adorable hamster in another cage, and it made me miss having a hamster. I'm happy with my budgies though. They're much more interesting than hamsters. :P

The cutlery at the Child Development Center is kind of just thrown into a drawer in a disorganized way, so I generally use whichever knife is a good enough size to cut what I'm prepping. Not sure what this knife is for (cheese, perhaps?) but I thought it had an interesting shape. Kinda like a little mini scimitar.

Another one from the CDC. It was like this when I got there, I just noticed and thought it was a bit funny.

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A dress, a game, some other stuff
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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