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Memores acti prudentes futuri

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no surprise, no mystery
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scary Go Round
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Fogeys
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
The Prince is dead, you'll have to pretend to be him
Saturday, June 15, 2013
16?- I looked at the sea across the beach. Sunset was almost completely over and there was just a lingering orange pinkness behind the cover of clouds in the sky. I looked behind me at the dark, clean, freshly paved road that led to the beach and it was night and raining. When I looked back toward the beach it was just dark. A car waited to my right at the side of the road. Another car was driving towards me in the darkness on the right side of the road. The headlights moved around as if it were swerving. I got into my car and drove along the right side after the other car had passed and tried to figure out how I could be driving on the right side and the other car could be driving on the right side as well if we were both in the right lane. I drove to a castle and went inside into a small entrance room lit by candlelight. A hassled looking friar told me the Prince was gone and I would have to act like him. They were going to dye my hair blond and put magic on me so nobody would notice the difference.

I kept thinking about the cars and how we could both be right. I tried to rotate the road in my mind and held my arms out, looking at them, verifying that the right one was right and the left was left.

When I woke up I realized the other car was just driving on the wrong side of the road.

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I forgot to title this
Friday, June 14, 2013
15?- I was at a party with Lucy and her boyfriend in a large building with two glass-paneled walls on opposite sides of each other. Her boyfriend was some white guy, not her real boyfriend. We went upstairs and there were big holes in the floor without any railings around them. I stood on the edge of one looking down at the people below, and felt dizzy, then sat on a couch near Lucy and her boyfriend and said "I like to stand at the edge of the holes, imagining what it would be like to fall."

It was night and day at the same time. I would look in a new direction and the sky outside the glass would be black, or it would be grey-blue.


For the second time in my life I feel trapped between two cultures and not really accepted by either. Not that I ever felt completely accepted... it just wasn't at the forefront of my mind for a long time.

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I lost count
Thursday, June 13, 2013
14?- Maze of grocery store type freezers-- those tall ones with the glass doors-- and jungle. I found a Pirulo Jungly and ate it.

(This is what a Pirulo Jungly looks like, for reference. It's ice cream)

I really want to try them but I don't think they're sold in the US. :C

I have been napping a lot and it's getting me confused with the dreams so I'm having a hard time keeping track of things.

I made this as a joke. It was my first time using Blingee and I have to say, it's harder than I realized to make pictures look really, really tacky.

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(Re)trying Flickr [2P]
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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A mash of things
Sunday, June 9, 2013
10- I was looking for my boyfriend but he had disappeared into a building I wasn't allowed into, I think... Then I was playing Pokemon and it alternated between being first person and third person/bird's eye view and I somehow caught one called Door Lash. I'm not sure what the transition was, but after that I was standing in a zipped up sleeping bag on a low stool in an expensive chocolate/dessert bar in a mostly closed mall. There was a tier of cake squares that looked really good, and I was hungry, but they were $5 for 2 and it wasn't a good deal. I tried to move but I just ended up tipping myself over and falling onto the floor. There wasn't real food for me to eat there anyway, so I left and went to find something in the rest of the mall. I saw a Jamba Juice that was serving individual sized pizzas, so I went to check it out. While I was waiting in line deciding, I noticed that they had pizzas with Indian toppings, as well as one called a "sriracha cream" pizza (the picture made it look more like pesto cream). I ordered that one and then sat down to wait for it, and two policemen went to the counter and arrested this guy there for some unexplained reason... Seeing that, a white guy at one of the tables starting harassing the black guy across from me and copying the police officers by twisting the black guy's shirt in such a way that his arms were incapacitated over his head. I helped the black guy get free and then yelled at the white guy that football was stupid and pointless and everything he cared about was meaningless. Then I left the mall and rode up and down a dirt path through grassy hills on a tricycle the same color as my bike.

11- I don't remember anything but hiding.

I'm not sure what I'll do about all the pictures in my posts, now that Xanga is going down or changing. I think I'll have to start using Flickr. I don't think I can upload all my pictures from my old posts to there and swap them out before the switch though... so I guess I'll probably have a lot of broken images in my blog...

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Thursday, June 6, 2013
9- In a "video game" supposedly (dream intuition said it was, but I experienced it in a first person reality sense). Crawling through a matrix of round, narrow, painted tunnels. I was just small enough to be able to squeeze through comfortably. They were rough and hard-- maybe made of concrete? I didn't know what the goal of the game was. There were multiple characters I could switch between, though. I crawled through some of the tunnels and fell out into the living room of the guy who had created the game. Didn't know what to do so I tried to help him with stuff, but I just got in the way so I sat on a scratchy rug he had on the carpet and stared at his TV. I switched to a different character and went down a different tunnel and emerged in a medieval-like setting (and third person perspective) with trees and objects I could collect. There was a jelly monster in the castle and things were burning and I was trying to figure out which objects I could make interact in a useful way. It was very green despite all the fire and black ruins. Switched characters again and ended up in first person perspective in a girl's body. The game creator was getting frustrated I think because she wasn't very good and she kept screaming. I switched back to my own body and realized I was screaming in his living room while he was at the table working on the game and I guess maybe the game was taking place in his mind and my screaming had become her screaming.

This seemed way less complicated to explain before I started typing it out.

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A month more...
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
8- Wandering around a huge building trying to find something-- my boyfriend? The way out? An orientation? Or was I just wandering aimlessly? I ran across some administrative people talking about how the university department shouldn't be named Newtown because of what happened there, and how it was bad publicity.

I finish school the last week of June. Final projects and such are coming up... And then finally, summer. A shortened summer, since I'm transferring this fall and I'll only have about a month and a half off, but it's something.

My boyfriend likes to remind me that he's taking me to New York.


Like nothing has ever existed outside of this moment.

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Tiny snippet
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
7- One of those liquor store type fridges with the glass doors. Poking around looking at sodas.

I didn't remember my dreams when I woke up. I lay down to take a nap later and a very small bit came back. I don't know if it really counts.

Odd things happened yesterday. I don't know what to say about them though.

I told my mom that I had a print collection of webcomics and that it was kind of significant because depression has taken away my interests and ability to be interested and she said "oh, you have depression again?"

Like I caught the flu or something.

I told her it never really went away and it kind of just comes and goes but it's always a little bit there.


I really like this video.

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