A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
The ring/all my yes
Friday, June 21, 2013
This song is just... fantastic. And it was a free download. This week is ending well.
Haha, so maybe the title could be misleading.... :P
19?- I had been abducted by a ring of human traffickers. They kept me in a house in the suburbs and I wasn't allowed to leave or have any contact with the outside world, but they let me walk around freely otherwise. The ring was holding 11,000 girls hostage for reasons unknown to me, but only 7000 (or was it 4000?) were at my location. I pondered ways to escape. They left the garage door open a bit sometimes-- enough that I could see under it and theoretically crawl out. When I bent down to look though, it turned out to be too good to be true... There was an SUV with some of the ring associates monitoring the front of the house. They would see me if I tried to leave. I was afraid, unsure of why this was happening to me. I considered trying to escape by throwing something out of the garage door and to the right to distract the guards while I made my escape to the house to the left, but I realized I couldn't know if the people there were at home, and I had no way to make sure they were, and I couldn't risk knocking on their door and finding out they weren't there.
They took me out of the house at night for some reason, and I managed to meet up with my boyfriend at a small casual restaurant while the associates weren't watching. I knew I had limited time before they would notice my absence, and I begged him to not let me get taken back. Either I didn't mention it was a human trafficking ring or he didn't take me seriously, but he didn't really seem to react much until I told him I had no phone or internet allowances, and then he got concerned. Apparently that made it serious, I guess. He told me he would get me away and protect me, and we got into his car. I scanned the parking lot anxiously, looking for my ex's car (a black Camaro in the dream) because he was one of the associates... I knew if he saw me, he was going to try to take me away again. We got out of the parking lot safely, and I didn't want to go back to the house I had been imprisoned in, but I thought it was wrong to leave all the other girls there while I got away, so I asked my boyfriend to go with me to the house to help free them. It was very important to me that we not lose physical contact, because somehow as long as we managed to hold onto each other they couldn't take me again. We walked into the house and ran into one of the associates-- a young black man dressed in a suit. He was a hypnotist, and he calmly confronted us and stopped us from going further. I held onto my boyfriend's arm fearfully, and the hypnotist said "I'm sorry" in his calm voice-- almost expressionlessly, but with the slightest hint of polite regret-- and passed his hand in front of my boyfriend's eyes.
My boyfriend fell to the floor, apparently unconscious. I wasn't holding onto him anymore. Terrified, I faced the hypnotist by myself, and he started to say that he was going to put me back where I belonged when my boyfriend sprang up from the floor, laughing, and subdued him. Apparently he had only been faking being unconscious, and it surprised the hypnotist so much that he surrendered to us. We thought it appropriate to rob the hypnotist at this point, so he gave us all the money he had in his back pocket ($300) and said "Just take it" before softly saying something about how he was just trying to support his aunt with cancer. Looking at the cash (two $150 bills), I wondered aloud, "That's it?" The trafficking ring didn't seem very profitable if this was all he had. I contemplated, in confusion, what they actually did for money. The hypnotist said if we were looking for more money we would have to face someone higher up.
Me: I had a dream that you saved me from a human trafficking ring.
Boyfriend: That's because I'm a bad ass.
This has been up on Subnormality for awhile but I thought I would share it anyway:
seven reasons to maybe feel slightly better about things
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Pandora just introduced me to this song:
Day breaks around me
I've lost another night's life
Now it's as clear as it can be
I want you with me
Echoes surround me
Shadows of things that once were
They seem to say it so easy (it so easy)
I want you with me
Want you with me
(I want you with me)
And I need you by my side
I need you with me
My heart is pinin' for you
Soon I'll be back and then you'll see (you'll see)
With you I want me
Want you with me
(I want you with me)
And I need you by my side
My boyfriend's car's tire popped awhile ago, so I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks. We miss each other. Being physically with him reassures me a lot about our relationship. If we don't get to see each other very often I start feeling unhappy about things.
I feel like I'm on such a roll. I finished my paper and I'm working on the script for a presentation I have to do tomorrow... and then after that I really don't have much to do (except some exam review) until finals next week.
And then I'll be DONE WITH THIS QUARTER. And finally done with community college! I get a month and a half of summer before I transfer. And then... once I transfer... I guess it's nose to the grindstone again until I graduate.
Even though I'm essentially a straight A student (stupid A-s, bane of my existence) I feel like I've never really worked hard on anything. That isn't to say I haven't put in any effort, but for some reason I feel like... I don't know how to work hard. It doesn't matter how many hours or how much energy I put into something... I feel like it's not working hard. Even when I was having issues in Stats (math: my worst subject) and I managed to get an A- by the end through... studying... I felt like I didn't work hard enough to qualify for the categorization of "hard work."
It's just never enough, I guess. Not working hard until my fingers have been ground down so much I can see bone at the tips. Not working hard until I'm suffering. Not working hard until I overcome the certainty of failure.
Japanese bird videos
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I cannot read any of the titles here. The Google translation of this one's title is
"Before rotation of the parakeet"
"Akiko-chan budgerigar which begins to dance while talking"
HE'S SPEAKING JAPANESE.
"Runrunrun ♪ lovebird"
Blue Q is having a sale... I don't need another paper lantern but I really, really want one. At least, in this present moment, I do. It will probably fade to apathy after a few days just like all my other wants.
So sunny and cheerful.
18?- My back was mottled with rounded scars from some condition I had long forgotten. The front of my torso was entirely covered with tiny acne pustules. I felt horrified and sick.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Researching for a project.
I find a book that has exactly what I need.
Bad news: it's $350 on Amazon.
Good? news: there's a different version with the same information for $129.
Better news: the full book is available for free on Scribd.
Not sure what kind of news this is: I'm researching psychotic depression-- not the cheeriest subject.
Sometimes I wonder if I've had psychotic depression. I don't think all the little superstitions and fears I've had necessarily qualify as delusions, though. And I don't think I've had hallucinations (would I know if they were, though?). I figure it would be something that my counselor at St. John's would've told me if he noticed it, or maybe the people at the Stanford study.
Anyway... psychotic depression is associated with decreased REM activity... and that's not something I've had a problem with, I think. Lately I've been taking a lot of naps and sleeping more frequently but for shorter periods of time, and I dream a lot.
17?- I was the sister of a fearsome old woman who was a Baba Yaga-like witch. We didn't get along well at all and I was hiding from her. I didn't want her to know I was in her house. I ran into the room of the little ragdoll girl she had created as her daughter and shut the door. The girl was about a foot tall and had black button eyes and was made of golden orange burlap, with a few pieces of twisted scrap cloth sticking straight out of her head for hair. She had drawn a door on the wall with chalk and set fire to its edges. An inventory appeared at the bottom of my vision, like in a video game, and I began grabbing things from around the room. The ragdoll girl was laughing maliciously at me, in the way that bratty children do when they think they can get someone else in trouble. "If you touch me I'll scream and then she'll come and get you and you'll be sorry," she sneered at me. My sister was coming toward the room-- I could hear her ungraceful footsteps tromping on the wooden stairs. I noticed a piece of chalk in my inventory that hadn't been there before and quickly traced a smaller rounded top door in the bigger door the ragdoll child had drawn and jumped through to a secret compartment on the other side of the wall. The girl said "hey!" but was distracted as her mother burst into the room to beat her. I listened to my sister yelling angrily at the little ragdoll girl on the other side of the wall and drew a waning crescent moon as a window so I could look through. The girl and her mother were gone and there was only a man standing there, looking blankly off to the side of where I was hiding.
The Prince is dead, you'll have to pretend to be him
Saturday, June 15, 2013
16?- I looked at the sea across the beach. Sunset was almost completely over and there was just a lingering orange pinkness behind the cover of clouds in the sky. I looked behind me at the dark, clean, freshly paved road that led to the beach and it was night and raining. When I looked back toward the beach it was just dark. A car waited to my right at the side of the road. Another car was driving towards me in the darkness on the right side of the road. The headlights moved around as if it were swerving. I got into my car and drove along the right side after the other car had passed and tried to figure out how I could be driving on the right side and the other car could be driving on the right side as well if we were both in the right lane. I drove to a castle and went inside into a small entrance room lit by candlelight. A hassled looking friar told me the Prince was gone and I would have to act like him. They were going to dye my hair blond and put magic on me so nobody would notice the difference.
I kept thinking about the cars and how we could both be right. I tried to rotate the road in my mind and held my arms out, looking at them, verifying that the right one was right and the left was left.
When I woke up I realized the other car was just driving on the wrong side of the road.
I forgot to title this
Friday, June 14, 2013
15?- I was at a party with Lucy and her boyfriend in a large building with two glass-paneled walls on opposite sides of each other. Her boyfriend was some white guy, not her real boyfriend. We went upstairs and there were big holes in the floor without any railings around them. I stood on the edge of one looking down at the people below, and felt dizzy, then sat on a couch near Lucy and her boyfriend and said "I like to stand at the edge of the holes, imagining what it would be like to fall."
It was night and day at the same time. I would look in a new direction and the sky outside the glass would be black, or it would be grey-blue.
For the second time in my life I feel trapped between two cultures and not really accepted by either. Not that I ever felt completely accepted... it just wasn't at the forefront of my mind for a long time.
I lost count
Thursday, June 13, 2013
14?- Maze of grocery store type freezers-- those tall ones with the glass doors-- and jungle. I found a Pirulo Jungly and ate it.
(This is what a Pirulo Jungly looks like, for reference. It's ice cream)
I really want to try them but I don't think they're sold in the US. :C
I have been napping a lot and it's getting me confused with the dreams so I'm having a hard time keeping track of things.
I made this as a joke. It was my first time using Blingee and I have to say, it's harder than I realized to make pictures look really, really tacky.
(Re)trying Flickr [2P]
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
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