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It's been a long day. Took care of babies from 9:15 to 11:50 this morning, then had lunch with my dad. I told him it was hard to have a partner who was always negative but expects you to be positive and happy. My now-ex used to get angry at the smallest things and he would rant and get upset and I had to try to calm him down. My dad told me that once, in the summer after he graduated high school (in the 70s), he went on a date with a certain girl for the first time, and he accidentally forgot the tickets to the show they were going to. He got very upset and was freaking out, but she was calm about it and reasonable and told him to just turn the car around and they'd go back and get the tickets. "She was like you," he said.

Then he told me that in 1986 his brother told him that she had gotten married a year earlier. My dad was happy for her, because he had long since gotten over her. Then, his brother told him, six months later, she got a gun and shot herself.

My dad doesn't know why she did it. Something must have been wrong with the marriage, he thinks, but he never got to ask her family or anyone.

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I answered my first calls on the crisis hotline today. I had some really tough ones... but I think I got through them okay. The first call I answered involved suicide. So... that was interesting. The girl I was shadowing was really nice and friendly. I liked her a lot.

After my shift, my parents picked me up and we went to dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. My dad was worried it was going to be a fancy restaurant, but it was actually really casual, kind of like an Olive Garden. My mom wanted to eat a bunch of pasta to carb load for the bike race she's doing tomorrow. I think she said it was 62 miles long. She actually didn't eat that much pasta, though. Neither did I, I guess. I haven't been eating a whole lot lately in general. Mostly just sleeping or staring at the computer screen.

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Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go out with some friends from class for a girls' night. I think we're going to a gay bar so we can dance and not get hit on.

I guess my good thing for today is that I got to have a nice dinner out with my parents and a nice lunch with my dad. I don't know if I can really say those things made me happy, but they were good.

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I made a new friend in a chatroom. And Kyle is out of the hospital.

Nothing else good happened today.

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I guess my good thing for today is that my mom bought me some cheese straws from the grocery store.

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I'm worried he might become an alcoholic. It just sounds like he isn't coping very well with things and he doesn't really have friends he can turn to. I'm frustrated that I can't do anything. He doesn't want me in his life anymore (or at least right now...), and there isn't a whole lot I can do indirectly. :\ People keep telling me I shouldn't care so much but like... Just because I broke up with someone doesn't mean I totally stop caring with them. As upset as I was with Kyle when we broke up in 2010, I was still very concerned for him when he had to go to the hospital, and just in general because Crohn's is a lifelong disease. Why would it be any different with someone else?

Lucy is trying to help and I'm glad for that. Jasper is... eh... I don't know what he's doing. I don't think he really knows how to help.

---Edit---

Motto-type things (Life reminders):
-Nothing lasts forever (This too shall pass)
-The best revenge is to live a happy life (Whoever hurt you has no power over you)
-It could always be/get worse (Have perspective)

I'm not really fond of posting this kind of "inspirational" "this helps me, try it out" stuff, but I think keeping these things in mind has been helpful to me. I feel like I have become much more... resilient to bad things in the past few years, in some ways. I don't know if it has to do with being smart or having a very deep but subtle sense of optimism, or what. I don't really know where these motto-type things came from. The last one is kind of just around, but I'm not sure where I picked up the other ones, if I got them from somewhere else. Maybe I just realized them at some point?

With the revenge one, I feel like... if someone does something to intentionally hurt you, the best thing you can do is show them that they are inconsequential to you and their actions are meaningless. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone who like, murders your family or something, but within the realm of realistic/likely things, I think it applies to most of the things where people want to get revenge. Like... it's just better to put your energy into doing things that make you feel better than to spend time plotting how to get back at someone. That just makes them important and increases their power over you. And anyway it hurts people more to feel like they're meaningless and powerless. So I'm not completely saying "ignore them and be happy!" If they're bad people they'll feel bad, and if they're good people then they'll just be happy for you, I think. I don't know how well this would apply to other people's lives but I guess within the scope of my own experience it usually works out pretty well.

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When I broke up with Kyle he went to the hospital not long after.

Well, he's in the hospital again. >_< And it's roughly the same amount of time after I had a breakup.

It would be really terrible if every time I broke up with someone he had to go to the hospital. He might have to get surgery this time, he isn't sure yet. If he does, it might prevent him from having to go through a lot of pain again? I'm not sure. He wouldn't be able to eat for a couple months if he had it though.

I don't really have any actual "happy" things for today... I guess I'm glad that Romeo seems to be feeling okay. And we got rain, which we need. And... I took a shower? After not taking a shower for awhile? Showers feel the best when you haven't had one for awhile.

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I FINISHED THE GROUP PROJECT AGH FINALLY

I rewrote everybody else's part (roughly ten pages), but at least it's done.

I better get a goddamn A on this project.

Anyway my happy thing for today is that I'm done. I'm DONE.

Before this I didn't really have a happy thing and all I was going to say was that I ate some olives and they tasted good.

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