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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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I've been bitten by the lazy bug but here's an entry
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
The word that comes to mind is nebulous.

My sense of time is a bit out of whack. One moment bleeds into the next, but outside each moment there has been nothing and will be nothing.

And there are disconnected feelings that float around, trying to anchor themselves to something. Good feelings and bad feelings. Some penetrate and some linger weakly on the surface.


So, on Saturday I went shopping with my friend Matt and his friend Rayray. We went to Ala Moana and spent oh... a good five hours there, at least. Rayray was looking for clothes for a wedding, so that was the main goal of the trip. Matt picked me up at 11 AM, and then we went and got Rayray. I had never met him before, but he was... interesting.

Almost immediately after he got into the car, he launched into a story about how a few nights after he moved into his apartment (he's doing summer school at University of Hawaii), he met his new roommate, and the roommate went out to party and returned errr... unconscious. Like several people carried the guy back and dropped him off with a backpack full of who knows what. Not long after, while Rayray was sleeping (in his boxers because it was hot that night-- he made sure to include lots of details), the police came and raided the place. Turned out the backpack was full of drugs! And they arrested Rayray and took him down to the station. At like 4 AM or something. So he ended up having to call a friend to pick him up. I guess she was pretty grumpy about it. Her revenge was to surprise wake him up early and make him go shopping with her at Victoria's Secret for several hours.

The first thing we did when we got to the mall was have lunch. Rayray kept calling me Kim, and I wasn't sure why. At first I thought he was talking about someone else, so I just didn't say anything.

We spent a good amount of time in Armani Exchange, which had some cute things that were way out of my price range. I did hear this song though, which it look a little bit of searching to find on Google:

Pretty much all of the stuff Rayray needed was at Macy's, so we spent a lot of time there as well. Some of the socks in the shoe section looked like they were designed more for nine year old girls than for men, but who am I to question people's fashion preferences?

I also wanted to find some gifts for my friends, so we walked around looking for places that sold touristy stuff. I got a sexy men of Hawaii calendar as a gag gift for my friend Dan, and Matt supplied a couple amusing captions, which I decided to write in the calendar with a Sharpie I bought at Long's Drugs. It was only 73 cents!

There's a bank in the mall and Matt had to deposit a paycheck, so while Rayray and I waited for him I walked down on the up sloped moving walkway (I didn't know sloped moving walkways were a thing before). The poor man's treadmill!

Ummm we also went to Shirokiya and tried on glasses. There were some that were actually pretty flattering. Matt insisted on trying on several pairs of big gaudy women's sunglasses, which was entertaining. Oh, and I found this Japanese lemon vitamin C supplement soda drink thing that I like, which was nice.

After Shirokiya we just sat outside and chatted for awhile. Matt and Rayray went to the same small college in Oregon, so they had some stories about that... And I talked a little about my Craigslist adventures (or lack thereof because of flaky people). I guess when we were walking out of the store, Matt and I both stepped at the same time and like swung our bags or something, because Rayray was like "WTF, are you guys twins or something?" I don't really know what we were doing but apparently it was exactly the same.

When we left I asked Rayray if he thought my name was Kim and he said yes. I told him it wasn't and he was all embarrassed and shocked and asked why Matt or I hadn't corrected him. We both just laughed.

All in all I had fun and hopefully I can hang out with Matt again the next time I'm here.

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Musica~ [3P]
Friday, July 25, 2014
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Nicknames? [3P]
Friday, July 25, 2014
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Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Feeling safe, accepted, and cared for is really nice.


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Keep forgetting to blog D:
Monday, July 21, 2014
Ehhh, so a few days ago we sort of went hiking (I say "sort of" because we barely hiked at all) and a cloud of bugs descended upon us and bit us. I got something around 120 bites, which is more than I've ever gotten at once in my life, and also more than I've gotten in the last... I don't know, five, ten?? years put together. The bites are healing now (slowly) but they still look awful. It was a terrible mistake to wear shorts and a tank top there. >_>

My mom just came in to ask me about what I was thinking in my last relationship... Kind of lecturing me about the choices I made I guess. She asked if I was even going to talk to my parents about getting more serious with my ex. I kind of did talk to them about it, albeit not as blatantly as she seemed to want me to. I asked them a lot if they liked him and stuff. Apparently my mom feels like I lied to them because I wasn't as open as I could've been... Meaning I didn't tell them about every bad thing that happened? I minimized a lot of it or just didn't mention it.

She also wanted to know how things were going for me now. They're good, I guess. I don't have much else to say to her about it. Kinda wish she'd just leave me alone about some of this stuff. I know she means well but she comes off as really condescending and aggressive sometimes and it's stressful to deal with. I think I can usually be pretty patient but because of the way things are with my mom (tense, or on the edge of tense), dealing with her can aggravate me almost immediately. Even just hearing her use a certain tone can irritate me...

I'm riding up to Washington on August 1st and coming back on the 5th. Not sure what I'll do there, but we might stop in Portland on the way, so that could be fun.

Lots of things to look forward to next month. :D


Ugh I kind of hate the OKC app. I keep looking at my visitors list on my tablet and when I try to scroll sometimes it just clicks on people and then I end up on their profile accidentally. -__-

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In Hawaii~ [3P]
Monday, July 14, 2014
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You know it makes my heart beat [3P]
Saturday, July 5, 2014
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Happenings today... [3P]
Friday, July 4, 2014
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