I am tired of people thinking they can run to me with their problems and tell me they'll be there for me, and when I need them...they're never there. IThink one thing, say the opposite. I have to be the non-depressed one, the one who's life is 'o-so-cheery'. Well, I'm sick of it. Who do I have to turn to whenever I have problems? No one. Why? Because everyone else is to absorbed in their problems to even spare a word. So, it remains bottled up, all of it, every little thing, until it becomes to much which isn't very healthy. Take now, for instance. The thought honestly crossed my mind to totally give up on everyone, to not care anymore, and to just say 'To Hell with you all! I don't care anymore!'. Why do I have to be the one who worries about everybody? Can't people look out for themselves? I'm just the lone crutch that they lean on whenever they're hurt, then throw back into the corner once everything is peachy again. The only reason I've put up with it until now is because I know I would want somebody to be there for me whenever I was sad. Oh well, I guess it didn't turn out that way, did it? I'm left sitting here not only worrying about my life, but also everyone else's lives around me.

Everything is jus so fucked up right now. I am so tired of everyones head games and bullshit. I want out of this shit. I hate highschool. Everyones too self-centered and...oooh fuck everyone.

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Gavin really pissed me off today. Him and Arrell...fuck it. Shes a fucking ho. He's a...oooh what does it matter. You always want what you can't have.





blah-fucking-blah. so tonite on the bus ride home i was jus listening to my music and thinking, and I just started crying. I dunno anymore, so many thoughts going thru this head of mine. i wonder what age that stops at? :( *sighers* I really miss you...:/i guess things jus change...everything changes, I hate it.

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i was reading erin's journal...and my condolence and sorrow [i think thas the word] goes out to her n all...but, something bothered me. it was a comment from muraski*dream i believe...where she went on and said how erin's gramma is 'in a better place' and allll that good shit. It's all bullshit.

I hate it, when Ash died...I got that from everyone...hell I even started to believe it, but...I've thought about it and realized we have no proof of what happens after you die. I mean, sure it sounds good and everything and its a good way to look at death, but is it really realistic?

Sure maybe you do go to a better place...but, i doubt it. you die, you're gone. Maybe I have a poor outlook on death, but...all you dreamers who say that 'you go to a better place' and all that shit, i think that when you die...you may jus be in for a real surprise. anyone whose ever died and lived to tell about it, get back to me and tell me what really happens when you die...


on to a better subject, easter was fun. i spent it mostly with the family...and a lil withsome friends. today was fun tho, last nite i stayed the nite with Josh n Tia and then tony came up and we all hung out today, went to the mall, then I went home and went to my brothers baseball practice and then came home and got a shower and an waiting for 9ish to come around. goodnite everyone...

and lotsa love to my Tony.:) GREAT to see you again.

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Jamie asked me back out...haha, hes pretty dumb if he thinks im going to get back with him. He told me I was too controlling in a relationship...but, he was the one who was asking me out. fucked up shit. I told him I wasnt controlling, i jus knew what I wanted and that i dont like it when guys treat me shitty...and left it at that. i think he got the point.

gavin and i were fucking around during history and i fell like...right on Amanda Kessler's knee and now my eye looks kinda bruised..

report card sucked, 100 in autocad, 94 in american cultures, 89 in algebra 1, and 84 in earth and space. my dad bitched...hooow typical.

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i went to morgans with a bunch of other people and we played football...and it was great! :) we had so much fun, but i bet all of us are going to be hurting tomorrow.

soooo glad tomorrow is the last day before the long weekend, im looking forward to it.

i miss you...i wish i knew what i did, hell...I wish I had the guts to ask you but...i jus cant..

josh, cant wait.:)

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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Ninth Level of Hell - Cocytus!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

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