so, I decided to wax my eyebrows today between throwing up and sleeping. As I proceded to put the wax under my brow where the hair was started to grow in, some of the wax dripped down on to my eyelashes. It burned really bad on my eyelid. I decided to continue the eyebrow waxing and clean up the rest of the mess later.

BIG MISTAKE.

I now have no eyelashes on my left eye.

HAHAHAHAHA

Jus kidding...

but I did lost a few strands...and it hurts really bad and wont stop watering. Great...now I'm puking and got watery eyes.

I haven't cried in...well, since Justin called me the other day...well, nite...or moring. whatever 1:30 am is to you people.

Justin's dad - Dave - called me today. he bitched at me for something which Im still a bit confused about. I know I got on Justin's sn...but that was jus to add my cell number so he can txt me when I'm in elmira. He said that someone said I was sending nasty msg's. Umm, excuse me...that's not my thing really. I said one thing to Jimmy when I was on his sn and that was jus bc he IMed Justin. And it wasn't nasty. So needless to say, thats one more thing that jus makes my day fucking wonderful.

I think I'm about ready to jus say fuck it. fuck Justin. I love him, no doubt...but, I dunno.

I dunno what I'm doing tomororw. I know I'm going to kym's tomororw nite.
I have to babysit tuesday morning.
then I have to work
work:
tues 5-10
wed 5-8:30 [what kinda hrs is that shit yo?]
thur 4-8
fri 11-5
so I guess if yah need me...call or txt the cell. [570 529 0069]
I forgot to mention my awesome new ringtone. It's "Just a little bit" and it vibrates to the beat. its so awesome. Im thinkin about getting a new msg alert thats like "hey baby, you got a msg" hahaha, tell me thats not hott? =)

I got a letter from Matt. Hes getting outta jail. I wrote him back.
I also made something for Justin which I gotta send out.
People piss me off. People take advantage of me being sad and are like, "Yah wanna chill?" when I know that means..."Hey lets fuck" so I've decided that theres only two guys I'm willing to chill with right now. One, who I know isn't like that, and the other who I love and wouldnt take advantage of that.

I updated my webshots. Some new pics....check 'em out.

I read Justins old nutang entries. man, thats enough to make a person cry. But, it didn't. Im tough yo'.

guys are idiots...

I've been lookin into buying a digital camera. I have one...but its my parents and they bitch when I take it places soo...

My mother pisses me off. She lets me little sister go thru my room when I'm gone. So now, I gotta take all that private shit and take it to Kyms.

I think Andy wants to ask me out. =) aww, I'm not ready for a new relationship at the moment. He is sweet tho...for those of you who want to see pics of him, I got some I jus gotta get 'em devoloped so...you'll have to wait. :-p

everyones all physced about the troy fair. WOOHOOOOOOOO...lol. Yea thats how I feel about it.

I've been thinking alot; I realized that...if Justin and I aren't meant to be together...then, so be it. But if we are, things will work out. I just gotta take things one day at a time. I miss him alot tho. It's so crazy...I've heard all this bad shit...but, it's not even phasing me really. I just, I dont think I care. I've decided to only start caring about the important things and let the little things go.

I'm pretty annoyed with people saying, "You're pretty, or you're gorgeous, or you're nice, or you're sweet...it was his loss" As much as that might be true, I also lost something here yo.

also, theres this annoying...fucking...army guy who has been IMing me on and off for like the past 2 yrs and I gotta say, hes so into himself its not funny. "Yea i have a BMW" and "army guys dont put it to girls easy" blah blah...fuck off.

thats what I wanna say to the world...fuck off.

well Im out, this entry has dragged on long enough and said nothing very important.

ooh...yes, I think I might be getting my hair cut this week...and maybe even get my nails done for something to do. Who knows...=)

I don't know if I'll write again before I leave tomorrow...so if I don't...well, call/txt the cell and have a wonderful week everyone.


OOH yes, my 10 yr old sister got caught drinking a beer. lol...tell me how funny that is. haha...and then to make it worse, I keep offering her a beer and pickin on her about it. she whines and screams and cries. Haha...shes so annoying. my dads like "aww shes justa baby"...im like "no dad, shes not. you're making her be a little cunt." haha...he is too. aww well, in the words of miss Kym..."whatev"

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my stomach is really fucked up. I keep puking and my head hurts and I can like...hardly stand without getting all...weazy. I dunno.

this nite has proved to be...aurgh. Andy got mad at me, Scott flipped out on me. But then Andy left a cute little comment on my see previous entry and Scott apologized and said it was jus a joke. but still..I was like..:( and Justin made me sad by some things he said...and then he didn't get back online so I could talk to him.

ooh yes, and I pissed Joshy off. I am doing such an excellent job with the men lately...really. Hahaha...I suck but thats okay.

I had to split wood today. Aurgh, I dont mind doing it much but..I hate doing it when other people are around. It makes me antsy.

I finished another book. I am such a loser. I cant help it, I like reading alot.

now, time to write a little private entry bc..hey, Im hurtin' yo.

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my life...is wonderful. Not really, but i'm hanging in there.

Justin and I are...i have no idea. I guess...friends. Justin + friends = bad idea. Idk...time will tell

I worked wen and thursday...chilled with some people after work both days. It...was heart-wrenching. Lol...

got an odd call from someone last nite at about 1:30. Kym was pissed cause she ahd to be up early for work the next day...and I'd already woken her up once at 12:30 when I came inside finally.

today I jus chilled at Kyms all morning and read. Did some thinking. Alot of thinkin' actually.

It got me no where. I'm still stuck.

I've heard some shit about Justin I didn't like...

I want things to work...but I dunno.

I hurt all over. My heart, my stomach, my head...everything. I feel so sick lately. I eat and the food doesnt even taste right. I think I got some kinda virus or something. I dunno, I think Im going to make a dr's appointment if I dont feel better soon.

Work has been fun. I really enjoy working at McDonalds so far.

a certain guy said the nicest thing to me yesterday. I'm like..."shouldnt you be working" cause he was jus standing there...and hes like, "I'd rather stare at you all day..." aww...lol it was funny.

I jus don't know what to say anymore.

I don't know anything. It's like...this big, jumbled mess. I wish Justin and I could jus sit down and talk everything out. Mann, I've fucked up so many times. But who knows, maybe it's for the better in the future.

I dont know...

Im sorry...to everyone I've ever hurt or fucked over or made angry...I'm jus so sorry...everyone.

and I'm so glad to be alive...

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