this shit sucks. last nite Justin finally went home.:) I was reading a book and i heard the moooo sound which is Justins alart and I jumped up and got on here and was sooo glad to get to talk to him!:) hehe...I'm gonna try and go see him this week sometime. I really miss him alot. Sunday it'll be a week since I seen him! ahhh, I can't handle that shit. but, it'll be okay.:) hes gonna be gone till sunday nite...:( but oooh well. Saturday I'm supposed to go to Tias for Tonys going away party type thing. :) wee, gonna be getting tipsy hopefully.:) and sunday i might be going to the mall with sara soo, hopefully I'll keep busy enough where I wont mess Justin so much. I mean, of course I'll miss him but time will go be quicker if I keep busy.

soo I straightened my hair today. It didnt work out like it normally does. haha, it always works better when Tia helps me. Fuckers...I'll jus do it again in a few weeks. Its jus my roots that need it...soo it'll be okay cuz when I blowdry my hair i can always get the curls out but its annoying...

anyways, I'm out.

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i called up joshy and jus started crying and crying and hes like do you wanna talk? lol what a dumb thing to say but it was cute and he came and picked me up...lol I told my dad i was going down to saras...haha and we went up to kfc and he bought me popcorn chicken cuz i love it and we talked and i bitched about my dad and I couldnt stop crying. Joshy was so sweet about it tho. That boy is like the big brother I never had. I'm sure he'll appreciate this when he reads it. lol...no he won't. He'll say 'Amanda, I dont wanna be your brother...' but...we've been down this path far too many times. anyways, i miss Justin. haha...I finally got to talk to him after being torn away from him for what felt like years!:(

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i hate him so much. I wanna kill him. I'm contemplating leaving again. It seems I do that more and more often now. I miss Allie so much and shes already told me a hundred times if I want to, I can go live with her. Nisa and whatever the assholes name is said they'd take me in at any time. God, things would be so much better then.

Its driving me crazy not getting to see or talk to Justin. I was gonna go with him and his family this weekend but, my dad is an asshole and said I couldn't go because he doesnt like the situation or something. hes like 'well I didnt like what I saw the other day...' yea fuck you is what I was thinking. It isn't even like anything was going on. I wanna kill him so much. God, all I ever do is listen to him bitch and follow his rules and I can't even go somewhere where I really wanna go.

whatever

goodbye everyone

I think Im gonna go kill someone.

maybe myself.

who cares:)

bye

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I went to ghost my hard drive because my dad wanted the hard drive I had and guess what...my freaking d drive is currupt. My D drive is my drive with all my pictures, documents, programs, muris, etc on it. I dont care if my C drive gets currupt bc all thas got on it is my windows 2000 and windows 98. fuckers...sooo, I hadda transfer all my pictures and everything to my dads computer...redo my d drive and now am dragging all my shit back over. haha...watch me kill our network or something. oooh well

I miss Justin.:) my dad was on my computer fucking with it earlier and he looks over and sees this picture of Justin and I swear he stared at it for like 5 mins. and then he looks at my lamp and sees this thingers that says I heart Justin on it and stares at it for another 5 mins. I dont think he likes him much. Whats not to like tho!?:( ooh well...shit happens, I must restart.

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except that Joshy called. idk what it is about that boy. hes crazy. We talked. We always talk. Thats why him and I never had a relationship and never will. We talk abotu things too much instead of jus taking risks...yano? it reminds me of Joey and Dawson on the earlier episodes of Dawsons Creek. Those of you who've seen it know what I'm talking about. We talk our feelings to the point where we realize how silly or dumb or whatever they are and change 'em. It's crazy. But, Joshy is a really good friend and he understands about everything and is cool with it. haha, he told me he wanted to meet Justin tho. I'm thinking...no? :) I mean, Justins great...dont get me wrong on that...but Joshy would be rude as hell to him and Justin doesn't deserve to be treated with anything but respect.:)

I had nothing to do today. Yano when you're bored, you think alot about things. I did that. It sucked ass because I jus thought about things way tooo much. I hate boring summer days. I miss Justin. Yano who I really miss tho? I miss Allie. Alot. I was gonna call her today but have no time left on my card soo...thas okay. I really miss her tho. Last time I called, she was grounded tho so I dunno. It doesn't matter, I guess its best that I've come to terms with the fact that I pry won't ever see my sister again. Okay that was a lil dramatic, I'll pry see her again...but, not like you should see a sister. Esp one that means as much as she does to me.

So I found out that Red has a gf. I've also seen pics of her. Not that I care or ne thing because I know things wouldnt ever have worked with Red n I being hes gonna be 21 in Oct and I'm 15, but...his girl aint got shit on me.:) And, that makes me feel better. Sometimes, I jus wish Red woulda told me straight up. It's all good tho...

No Regrets, No hard feelings

This has been the best summer of my life and I've changed alot from being around certain people and I wouldn't change a thing thas happened this summer because its all been good.

I called Kym earlier and she wasnt there but her dad was and we had like a 20 min talk about everything. He's the nicest guy I've ever met. He's so understandable about everything. And, he listens and actually cares. I guess that's something I'm not used to with my dad because, he could care less about ne thing. But ne ways, back to what we talked about. He told me he isnt mad at me or Justin or ne one, he jus thought it best to keep us all seperated tempoairly so that nothing bad happened with all of us. It was weird.

Well, I can't wait to see Justin again.

Oooh, earlier I had on my uggs and I was going down to the fire to get sammy and i was runnign down the hill and fell. It was so embarrassing but no one was around. haha...that reminds me of when I was going up the stiars and I fell with Justin right there. hahaha...talk about embarrassing.:) But yea, those suckers have no traction on 'em or ne thing. fuckers

Well, I might go out later. I dunno, depends on what time Tia gets home.

and thats the update for the day.

I love the way you act, and the way you look and smell. I never thought I'd be tripping over you, but damn, I fell. I love yah Justin!:)

I think.:) No actually, I'm pretty sure.:)

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I'm pretty much done school shopping. I need..well, want to get another pair of shoes...which would make it my 4th pair. :) and I need a new jacket and a few hoodies. I have 140 dollars left tho sooo...:( I pry wont get everything I want thats okay. haha...in time. I guess I dont need everything before school starts. But, I want it! yea, but ne ways...today when we stopped to pick Kym up, I got out and felt soooo dumb. Everyone next door is black and their were like 10 black dudes sitting there. haha...I hate being white sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist...definitely not, but...I jus wanted to die. And then this other black chicks looked at me like I was on her turf. :( sigh, but how I do love Elmira. Then when wr dropped Kym off, her lil brother was tehre and omg...hes so precious. Hes like 'AMANDA!' hehe, he told me I was pretty and cute and beautiful.:) kids got taste atleast.;)hahahaha...yea okay. I love that boy.:)I gave him a hug.:D

I got new etnies. They're black and pink...hehehe, they're hott.:)and I got my uggs!:) they're so adorable and comfy...I forget I have shoes on when I'm wearing 'em. And I got 3 new purses and 4 new shirts.

sigh, I miss Justin. I really really do. haha...I can't believe how quickly I fell for him. But, thats okay. He's a good guy...I have yet to find anything I haven't liked about him. No matter what I do, I can't get that kid off my mind. I'll try thinking about something else and wam, Justin! AHHH!:) I think I'm in love...

well, I'll end on a good note.

actually, I always do. I've been way too happy lately. Wait, its not posibble to be too happy. Yes, I guess it is. I mean, it would be if you were around a really depressed person. They'd pry wanna kill you for being so happy. I guess you depressed people should stay away from me. I'm not ready to die.

Well, now I'll end on a...bad note. haha...

I miss you Justin! <---there...good note:)

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