I dreamed of Jolene and I in a field playing treasure hunt. We were wearing some green tops and we were standing on a field with other participants, bu I don't know why I was barefooted. And it was raining. It was quite funny to see the both of us playing. We were just running around the field excitedly. And I saw also my photographer friend in the dream. He was smiling and taking photos as usual.

It was a fun dream.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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12 egg yolks
6 egg whites
200g castor sugar
350g butter
90g ground almond
3tbsp condensed milk
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 tsp lapis spices
90g halved almonds
60g flour

1. Cream butter with hald of the sugar.
2. Beat yolks with the remaining sugar till mixture is thick. Add condensed milk, vanilla and spices. In another bowl, beat egg whites till stiff.
3. Fold butter mixture into yolk and mix well. Fold in the flour and ground almonds, then the beaten egg whites and mix.
4. Pour batter to form a layer in a prepared pan. Bake at 180 C to 200 C till layer is done. Repeat, baking layer by layer.

When the top layers is reached, top with the halved almonds and bake for a further 5 minutes.

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I have been reading here and there, and to be frank I'm quite saddened with the mentality of some people. A disclaimer here would be if you are not open-minded and if you think a woman got rape just because she wears a short skirt should be blamed, then I STRONGLY advise you to stop continue reading when you reach the full stop HERE.

I was scanning a book entitled Half the Sky something something in a bookstore recently and I'm shocked to read one of the encounters of a prominent female who fights for human rights in her community was gang raped. Not because she was wearing a mini skirt, but because she was ordered to be raped by 10 men by the community leaders. Why? Because the girl's brother was kidnapped and raped by some heterosexual guys in the village. To cover up the issue, these kidnappers accused the brother for raping a girl in the part of their village. And so the brother was brought to the community leaders for judgment. She was there to take her brother home and sort things out. But the community leaders wanted to cover the case too, and so they punished the girl for the brother's accused crime by sentencing her to be raped. By doing so, the community leaders were certain that she will kill herself to cleanse the family's image. Well, it seems this is the way for girls in Pakistan to clear their names and clean their family's image. But this girl didn't commit suicide, because her parents prevented her from doing so. And so she brought up this case to the police and a lot of things happened, which also involved the former president threatening her for giving a 'false' image of the country to the world.

And then ... I was shocked to read that female politicians in Kenya who are running for elections will be heavily guarded to prevent gangsters kidnapping and raping her. Because raping will make the female candidates to drop their candidacy since this kind of matter humiliates the candidate.

As I went through each page of the book, I can't help questioning how society can be cruel in my head. I can't help thinking who the bastards were to discriminate female in such ways. The conclusion I had was so appalling: If you want to break a woman in every way, you rape her. And I keep on thinking to myself what is so big deal about virginity? So what if a female loses her virginity? Why did our stupid ascendants placed were so crazy about virginity? Ok. Say whatever you want about my previous question. But I'm questioning how can society so cruel to a female. Why prosecute a human being just because she is a female? How can a society be build by passing down the teachings/ thinking that women are slaves? Are women some kind of object to accessorize the men?

And how can a society sentence RAPE as punishment? What kind of values is that? What is wrong with women? What is wrong being a female?

My last question is don't men fear of karma for making women suffering like hell? Thank god, I can live without a man.

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I have been using Asian setting in my story scripts. Don't ask me why, but I feel there are many stories out there not emphasizing much on Asian setting except movies/dramas made in the Asian native language. And have you seen some movies purely done in English with Asian setting? Oh yes, we do and that is very rare apart of Kopitiam and Phua Chu Kang sitcom. I know recently Malaysia won an award for some series, which I don't know anything about it because it was not really promoted in the media. How sad is that.

But anyways ... my team member and I are working on a paper on tragic comedy and culture. Basically we are just talking how these geniuses like Galileo Galilei died defending his research. I told him to make his part first because I know if he can't give anything, I would have to do it alone. But I put my trust in him...

When I received his part, it was too dramatic ... it's like I'm reading a script of one of the last episodes of One Tree Hill. Actually it is since he mentioned before that he is going to get some scenes from that series, but I didn't know it was going to be like the series.

I thought the team member just got too excited with the idea. Oh yea, we are writing a script which is his major interest but we also must not deviate from the main objective. The main thing is we need to keep the story simple yet straight to the point.

The team member questioned why the names of the characters are too Chinese, Indian and Malay, but you know wherever you are, whatever the setting is, human's personality and characteristic are going to be the same everywhere. If you found an annoying bitch in Malaysia, I bet you will find her twin somewhere in Alaska. Citizenship nor geography made any difference. And again, what is wrong with Asian names in the story? People nowadays are international citizens. We travel everywhere and there are so many Asians staying abroad. Why use an English name in the script just to show we got a White? Names don't concern me, but I find it disturbing in a way I can't explain. You may refute it doesn't mean anything, or I'm bias but I'm trying to bring up my concern of pattern. Are youth trying to follow other culture or just assimilating culture by reading and surfing for more information on other culture? I'm not surprised... but is there any implication? Imperialism? HA. Interesting.

I like originality and I came up with my version of the script and told my friend "why is One Tree Hill series in our script?" If I'm writing for a competition, I got no problem with dramas, but why put so much effort when the head facilitator accused me for no ownership and give excuses.

And he still hasn't replied if it's ok if we order pizza for our meeting. I hate meetings during dinner hours. Yes, our meeting is at 6.30 pm and the last time we have the meeting, it went way past our lunch hours by 2.5 hours and the meeting in 2009 went up to 11.30 pm from 6 pm! This is so not sensitive. And I was informed to bring my own bread. WHAT THE HELL. I have gastric, and I have no intention to get sick because of insensitivity. And hey, I suggested to go dutch if we ordered pizza. And I even offered my pizza voucher. So what is the problem?!

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I'm pissed. Not because of the head facilitator said something stupid again, but I just can't believe that my friend who can't even string a correct English sentence has a senior management job with the name 'engineer' at the end of his position name and he is gonna fly to France for his work.

And why the hell renaye who is so much better than him got stuck with asshole people who recently accused me for not taking ownership and giving bloody excuses for not working on my paper, or some idiotic managers who have poor communication skills.

Am I arrogant? Maybe, but I'm SO frustrated with life. I need chances to show what I've got. I want chances to learn and take as much as the ocean can offer. I need to work with people who are smarter than me, not DUMBER than me, not weaker than me. I don't mind working with weaker people, because I don't mind sharing knowledge and help, but most importantly, I need to work with people who are open minded!! Not someone who only thinks how to step me from above or who tries to limit my potential!!!

I need a life breather.

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