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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Friends, what?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Recently, I was told sort of a top secret due to my frankness on some matters. I think it was a privilige to know this secret, but I wasn't happy at all to know. I rather not know it, because the reason I was told because I seem to be able to get along with a difficult character friend. I would say it was rather I have given the impression that I am able to control this difficult person. I was quite disappointed to know the reason.

I only get to know this friend for a short time, but I think I understand how his brain functions and the reasons behind his questions thrown in the meeting. This friend doesn't have any vile intentions, but somehow our friends seem to always understood people who posed critical analysed questions. I also never understood the reason behind it. I was even told to just follow the flow. I think that is ridiculous, because no matter what, we all can't follow something without asking even one question. It's not that I don't have any trust, but then it just makes sense to me to ask questions to have a clearer direction. Is there anything wrong with it?

Well, for example: you are not allowed to ask what colour your wedding theme is. It's your wedding and you can't ask? And the reply is ... just follow la. What if you want to chip in your ideas too? But unfortunately you are not allowed to ask. If you ask, you will be marked as rebel, danger, and looking for trouble.

Somehow I really appreciate if people just give a chance to themselves to try to understand other people, not gossiping first. If the person who told me the secret would just sit down with this difficult friend of ours, this misunderstanding would dissolve over a cuppa coffee.

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Wisdom pot = empty
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I don't know why the hell I suddenly forgot what my friend did twice to me, and because of that I have sort of entrusted him to assist me in getting something.

XX said XX will get back to me by evening, and when the mobile can't be reached. This is not the first time I noticed. Previously, XX made an appointment with me. And you know what? XX can't be reached to confirm the appointment. And twice XX went missing! No apology or reason whatsoever.

Surprisingly, XX called me out and we had a good hot chocolate session. And I asked XX if I could get some items for free. The reply was no problem.

Yea I know why it's no problem because XX has no intention of sponsoring because I strongly believe XX is going to disappear again. I know XX's company name and phone number. I can try calling up.

Worse come to worse, I have to approach the company that XX is supposed to get discount for me.

I somehow realised the men that I know are not reliable. Worse come to worse, I will have to call up my other boyfriend. Sigh. I was in anxiety the whole night because of this. Asshole.

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Drown~
Tuesday. 9.6.11 5:09 am
There is 24 hours in a day, and yet many things can happen within these hours. The five tastes of life according to the Chinese: Salty, Sour, Bitter, Spicy and Sweetness can just happen any time. Don't you think so?

For the past 24 hours, I had salty and bitterness within me. I was engulfed by these feelings that I could not see the sky clearly. I could feel excruciating pain and sadness in me yesterday, and I don't remember when was the last time I was this sad. And why was I crying? I don't understand either.


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Che-arity?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Out of all the places, I went to KFC fro dinner. I just simply could not resist the good looking chicken on the plate from the big screen. KFC is now having a charity drive, where they will be 'donating' RM 0.50 for every snack plate customers bought. Actually I thought it was a good idea, but hear me out first. It goes like this:

The snack plate for the charity drive cost RM10.60, but the original cost is just RM10.10. Out of the RM10.60, RM0.50 is donated to the charity drive of an organisation. If I were to buy the RM10.60, I will be donating RM0.50 and paying EXTRA to KFC for tax.

I don't think it's fair to ask the customer to support their charity drive by levying the RM0.50 on top of the price. I rather do charity on my own then paying that amount and extra for the tax. So luckily I had a choice to buy that charity snack plate or not. And of course I bought the original since I rather do charity on my own unless the tax is also given to the organisation, but I doubt.

Although I saved myself some money from the tax, I realised I survived on -RM1.20 this weeked. =(




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Recalling changes
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I bought an introduction book to climate change for my cousin in NZ, but I never presented to him, and I ended up reading it as part of my preparation to Japan.

I finished reading it in less 72 hours, and I recalled why I wanted to be an environmentalist since high school. However, I'm somehow saddened with the fact that my fighting spirit to save the earth is very weak compared to 10 years ago.

Watching environmental documentaries still freak me out, and yet it's amazing to see how people so relax and ignorant about the fact that humans cannot live without the earth and not the other way right. Yet, wastage is still uncommon, thinking resources would never end. It 'doesn't end' because humans are protected from the real view of the present state of the earth. It's like how parents prevent their children from watching violent movies. It's the same theory.

I have been showered with questions that the job of saving to earth should not be done by me. If not me by who then? That is why so large amount of people out there are still ignorant, that's because they know there is someone else trying to save the world. But the problem is the savers is so much smaller than the ignorant people. How can the savers achieve the goal? Many people are maximising money with resources. Have we ever thought what happen when resources are gone for good? What are we going to maximise our profit with? Our organs, our parents or our children? Think for yourself.

I'm now thinking how should I be more pro-active in saving the world. I have been practising whatever those eco-saving manners you can find in the book and online since I was 16 and I'm now a vegetarian.

That is why I'm now rethinking whether my masters topic on green spaces is related to my initial goals. If yes, how is my knowledge on green space save the world?

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Must be Happy
Friday, September 2, 2011


Hebe - Hai Yao Xing Fu (Must Be Happy)

You know what? I have not listened to Cantonese/Mandarin pop songs since I left for NZ. The only Chinese songs that I like are oldies (<90s). But somehow the tune of this Chinese song attracted my fussy ears, which then sent signals to my fingers to search for the translation. As usual, this is a heartbreak love song, but I really like the lyrics, because it is similar to my penning.

The beat is just nice to me because I can not tolerate song beats which is slower than moderato. And the melody is quite melancholic, which suits the mood of heartbroken. The beginning has gentle guitar chords, and later more percussion instruments are added. I thought the transition and the whole composition was simple and not too overwhelmed, and really appreciate that I could hear the singer's voice clearly compared to other songs the voice is drowned. Surprisingly, I noticed many Chinese singers both female and male have high-pitch voice just like
Hebe.

Anyways, here is the translation of the lyrics. Hope you guys like this song too.

If you're not sure, then don't use your kisses
Feelings can easily destroy a person
After love has faded, if one is not ruthless enough, lingering feelings can be cruel

The mess that you've left behind,
day by day, I'll eventually get clear it all up
I even genuinely wish, with all my heart,
that you'll find forever before I do

You must find your happiness,
don't ever let anyone else shed tears for you
All the wrongs and mistakes should end along with me,
leave me, and just remember what we had in our hearts

You must be happy,
so I can be sure that I've given it my all,
so I can be sure that I won't take up more pages in your story
From tomorrow onwards,
this all will end

Return my spare key, goodbyes can be innocent
I even sincerely wish, with all my heart, that you'll find forever before I do

You must find your happiness,
don't ever let anyone else shed tears for you
All the wrongs and mistakes should end along with me,
leave me, and just remember what we had in our hearts

You must be happy,
so I can be sure that I've given it my all,
so I can be sure that I won't take up more pages in your story
From tomorrow onwards,
this all will end

If you're really happy,
I need not reply to your text message sent at midnight
Because you have found someone to share your sorrows and joys
And I'll be able to have the purest form of loneliness

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