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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Cat slayer
Friday, October 1, 2010
I had weird dreams again. I thought I won't since my nightmare of organising a two-day event, one for my program and the other for a minister, were finally over.

Anyways, I napped today. I was so exhausted that I slept for over 3 hours. I had nightmare at the end of the third hour. I was in a room, an underground room, and I walked up the stairs. And then I was in a room with others but it was weird. I dreamed of my colleague too and there were some nuns who I worked with. We were talking like "Why are we here?" and "Close the window." That was because someone else was in the room too like an old lady? Don't know. Can't see her face but I can hear the voice. I think there were two ladies... talking and saying something that really frightened me. I don't remember they said but as if they were trying to send us to hell.... somewhere far and frightening. There were like 7 of us huddling in the room. We were afraid. Then all of a sudden the windows were ... moving ... there were something trying to reach us from outside. Hands were trying to squeeze between the windows. I was trying to beat off those hands and I saw the nuns outside. I felt they were transported outside because they don't deserve to go where we were supposed to go. Anyways .. then all of a sudden the room was filled with people. My feelings were "these people are not supposed to be here... this room has been intruded by the people from outside". Then I felt like someone told me to get the cross of something something and that will take me out of the whole thing. The worse thing was when I was in the dream, I told myself to get out of this dream and something told me 'stay back, this is gonna be fun.' Oh yea it was fun...

I saw some guy holding the cross I was looking for, so I followed him to another room, and I felt everyone in the room out there was gonna die ... So I was happy that I left that room... then I saw Jackie Chan ... he was the angel that collected the cross. He saw us having the cross and let us get out of that house. I have to get out via the window. I think I just crashed the window and all of a sudden I had a golf club in my hand. Jackie Chan was in front of me ... but he was not walking. I heard a voice telling me this was not the end. It was dark and I saw myself in a garden. Then I saw some stuffed cats coming to me. They were attacking me. Oh yea... I heard myself saying bring it on. And I served those stuffed cat with my club swiftly like Tiger Wood. And they kept coming to me. And one went flat. Jackie Chan swiftly removed its head. That cat has a kitten but Jackie told me not to kill the kitten when I wanted to whack it. Well, what kind of cat it is? It is just a stuffed cat that doesn't talk. It just has some sharp set of teeth. Nothing else. Two stuffed cats attacked me and I just whacked it like peanuts. And finally the big stuffed cat ... as big as me scratched me ... And I looked to the stupid action angel. He was just standing there... and I looked to him for help but he was just standing there. And I got scratched repeatedly. I don't feel the pain though and I still whacked it with my golf club...

Then later I told myself to GET UP. And I did.

When did I become a stuffed cat slayer?

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Whoosh ... Whish ...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
This big meow went to the beach and back!

I went to a nearby beach for a company trip and had lots of fun there! The sight is nice since my room apartment was facing the beach, and the thick huge bed is so comfortable to sleep on. And the air conditioner is freezing cold till I have to cover my head with the comforter. But I had good night sleep for the past few nights.

We had team building exercises too, which were interesting though it was tedious. But it was lots of fun especially the last activity....

Then in evening, we had a lucky draw and I won a cheapskate thermo flask because one of the cups got chipped. Anyways ... never mind ... because I went karaoke with a Japanese colleague until 1 am. And my other colleagues finished their karaoke session at 2 am!! They were singing Raya songs the whole night. It was quite fun to hear them singing 'coz there were only two of us in the room! And the karaoke songs selection was sucks but I went there just for the fun of it. So no complain since it was paid by the company. I had some good singing too. And I realised my singing skills have gone down the hill. ARGH!!! I need to practice harder on my vocal!!!

And then I creeped into bed with my jeans and fresh tee. HAHA. I fell into a deep slumber followed by a weird dream. I hate my dreams because for one reason monstrous animals like whale, shark and even turtles made their ways into my dreams. So the dream started off with me looking over a rather small pier and I could see monstrous animals like a whale and turtle swimming around the pier and they were going back to the sea via a small water tunnel. They were accompanied by small dolphins which were chirping like birds? And then I was telling myself why the heck was a monstrous turtle swimming?? Then it moved on to another story. I saw a comedian actor from Hong Kong in white blouse and and white pants and I think even white shoes. According to the story weaved in my dream, he always shared his problems with me. I even remembered asking him "You have everything in life, what else do you want?". He didn't reply but I could sense it was love. Then the image of his wife played in my mind and then his mistress who was beautiful and she had this sweet smile that any man can fall for. Then I realised that face belongs to my collegemate that I don't get along the most. In fact, we don't even get on well. HAHA. She was the mistress and this guy has been having meals with his mistress, neglecting his wife... I don't know what was my connection to this comedian guy but I have access to his house and I know he is damn rich. I saw myself walking around his house like I know the landscape like the back of my hand. I felt sad for him in a way but I didn't know why.... and I woke up to my roomie's alarm. UGH!

The next day, we had serious meeting. I was so tired during lunch hour so I went to nap and dreamed of a cat and a dog? The cat were trying to pat the dog?? Then I woke up for the next meeting. UGH.

Then I'm now back updating this blog ... Sorry no photos and I came back early from my trip... I miss the apartment's pillow, bed and air cond.

Then give me another dream!

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17 meows
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Not 17 again for sure. I can't go back to 17 physically but I can spiritually. =)

Anyways, my sister was telling my mum that there was this lady who had 17 children. So she spent most of her lifetime getting pregnant. She is a full time pregnant lady. Not mean to be rude but all her life she did was to have a child.

How did she feel to get pregnant 17 times? Is this what she dreams of? I cannot understand that feeling. How does it feel like to attend to 17 children?!

Anyways, in record, there was a woman who got pregnant over 50 times. So 17 is not even close to that world record.

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Meowing birthday
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I'm finally a year older, yesterday. I didn't have time to think what I want. All I could think was to count my achievement and assets and I have none. I keep on asking myself what is my definition of achievement and asset. Is material is? Is satisfaction is? What what what?

"Maximising life" seems so vague but axiomatic? As I lay lazily in my own room, I can't stop thinking of what history I want to create....

Happy belated to myself.

renaye

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Smart marketing
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I realised individual businessman is smarter when comes to marketing their products. His/her business site usually has a mailing list registration. If you didn't found any interesting to buy at that time but would like to receive future updates, you can always enlist your email address within 3 minutes.

On the contrary, huge corporations that sell products never embedded mailing list registration on their sites. And the worse thing is they don't reveal the price. I would not know the price until I have to confirm my purchase, which I don't want to since I'm more interested to know the price than the confirmation of my purchase. It's annoying.

Some huge corporations always have special promotion for their products, but they never advertise via mailing list and the worse thing is sometimes you don't even find this promotion on their web. Such inconvenience just put off potential customers like me.

Maybe I should just scratch the marketing director....

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Use or be used
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I'm still keeping in touch with some of my collegemates from all around the world either via facebook or msn messenger. And today I was chatting with an Indonesian collegemate who is trying his luck to get a job in Taiwan. For whatever reason why Taiwan, I never knew because he is the type that never shares information and I feel it is not necessary to know since it is quite obvious that his girlfriend is a Taiwanese. He even mentioned to me that he is ready to settle with his girlfriend.

Though he and I are not really on the same wavelength, we still could chat with each other on several matters. However, most of the time we talk about life, working life and how to be rich. HAHA. C'mon it was just an idle chat. And not to mention most of the time he would be asking about a collegemate he used to like. (Well I'm not sure if he still has a crush on her but you will be the judge by the end of this entry). He always asked me how she is doing and what is she doing because I'm very close to her. I'm pretty honest in answering these questions like she is still alive and she got a new job and such. Well, no harm at all to update a friend of another friend right?

Recently, I don't really like the tone of this friend's speech via online. He has been advising me to get a rich boyfriend to be well taken care of for life. Well, I don't really like this comment because I'm very feminist, but looking at the current economic politics, I'm looking into this option. HAHA. Can't blame me, darling, for prices for everything have gone up except for labour. Diplomatic as always, I just entertain this comment with 'I'm trying my best to hook one!'. But the reply from him is always "Just follow XXX because she does best in seducing guys. Follow her style, and you will definitely hook a rich guy." I'm offended. Though XXX flirts with people sometimes unintentionally but she didn't mean it that way; she is a nice and good friend to me. She is just being nice to people and unfortunately that is her style. Be it girl or guy, this female collegemate of ours does that. And being diplomatic ... I just replied "Yea yea."

In addition, this Indonesian collegemate always asks me what kind of friends I have made. I understand this question because we always discuss how little friends we have in our network and how crucial to expand our network for opportunities. But he keeps on asking if XXX is a useful friend to me, how useful is she in any way to me or if she is sharing any information with me. I know XXX has a lot of high profile contacts within her network, but so? Is that my business to ask? Actually I did asked but she never shared with me. But so? She helped me when I needed a place to stay in New Zealand; she lent me money when I needed money so badly during my unemployment. Does it matter if she doesn't share her contacts with me?

Never mind. I just calmed my emotions and continued chatting with him....

So today, I greeted him online, knowing he needed support badly because he is having difficulty in getting a job in Taiwan and he is somehow depressed over his working visa. We chatted and the same ol' questions popped up on my msn messenger: What is XXX doing now? I replied she is kicking and alive. And the next question was What is she working now? I replied somewhere in W. I also told him that her ex-boyfriend is coming to Kuala Lumpur. And he somehow got exploded. I was surprised to see those FCUKs appearing on my screen. He sounded mad to see them having an on-off relationship. I also informed him that the guy is trying to get a job here. He flipped and started cursing with more Fs. He immediately told me to leech on XXX and her ex-bf with the reason that if I leech on to them, I will definitely get a better life, especially if I could get him a job or something like that.

It was my turn to flip. But still I was trying to contain my nuke, because I simply thought he was under stress due to the anxiety of his current employment status.

Later, he asked me to look at XXX's CV to know how great her skills and work experience is, and asked me to be on par with her. I should have said 'I don't have her CV' but I said I have seen her CV. Instantly, he demanded to see it. My response was "I'm not giving it to you." He got real mad by responding 'no wonder none of your friends share information with you since you don't even want to share information with them in the first place.' It was my turn to be angry. I replied that if someone else's requested for his CV without your consent I would never give his to he/she. He was silence for awhile and acknowledged that I was ethical, but closing it "suit yourself".

I got real annoyed and disgusted. So I asked him back what kind of friends he has made since he is trying to be a guru to me. He replied "I cannot share my contacts with you since I don't have my friends' consent.'

Ah. Wonderful. Maybe I should have just replied "FCUK U". This incident made me remember why we had a short period of cold war. It was this behaviour that made me so mad that I shouted SHUT UP at him during a language class back in college, and I did it in front of over 20 coursemates, hallmates and my Chinese lecturer.

To be frank, he is disgusting. I don't need to know what benefits I reap by befriending a friend. I just need to know what kind of friends they are to me. I don't need a reason to be their friends. Is this why rich people sometimes try to maximise/manipulate the people surrounding them? Just because the rich people 'know' they have so many friends because their friends want to get something our of them? Isn't that saddening?

This kind of insecurity would lead a person to nowhere but suffering, loneliness and emptiness in life. I know I'm way too ethical in everything I do, but I'm a strong believer of my own beliefs. It's not stubborn but why tarnish my own image? Why betray a trust just to get a superficial friend in return?

What say you?

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