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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Security
Thursday. 2.27.14 6:55 pm
I remember asking around my friends if they are interested to take up some part time jobs when I have a bunch in my hand, and all of them decline with the excuses busy here and there.

And recently one of them came up to me and asked if I knew any. He simply explained that he now has another mouth to feed so hence the need of extra money.

Why after not before having a baby? He again explained he was busy making baby. My god. It's the other way round, honey.

By the way, I don't really like people declining my offers without having the courtesy to reply me. And busy is not the appropriate reply. There are many jobs out there that are one-off. You have the right to be choosy but do not tell me you are busy making baby. I don't buy that..

Anyways, they will have their own way to get money...

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For ever!
Sunday. 2.23.14 7:22 pm
Wow!

I learnt that my collegemate from New Zealand just got married to her college sweetheart yesterday. They both are so sweet!

They are both Japanese but from different city and I knew a long time ago that she relocated herself to be near to her boyfriend.

I'm glad they are still together and now married!!!

I'm so happy for him and for her!

I think my college is a real love nest because it has already matched so many couples!!!

We should really have a reunion. It will be so cool to everyone with their little versions. I truly miss my college life. Some of them may not play an important role, but I was glad to have met them.

I am for what I am today...

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Postcard
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I think this is a nice sentence to be written by a couple:

"Let's learn together to love and be loved."

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Caught in a moment
Monday, February 17, 2014
Someone asked me why I never had a boyfriend as of to date. Actually I didn't know how to answer on the spot. I was caught on the spot. I think I answered stupidly and nervously...

But after much thoughts after that conversation, I reflected for the whole night and realised it's because whenever I looked for a relationship, my heart always says wait, wait a little longer. Although I have lots of proposal, some of these nice guys turned out not what they are. I saw their true colours every time I almost gave in to their persistence, and I have to thank myself for being patient. I have to thank my heart.

And so now I was wondering did my patience pay off? I think so. I think I'm more mature now but still very blur when someone mentioned something about relationship. I think the person who asked me that question knows that very well. I didn't change from the first time you asked me in 2011. Haha. That's so renaye.

renaye - mental note: CHILL.

I think also my parents marital status influenced my thinking a lot on relationship. No doubt I said I don't wanna married or I wanna be alone. But that does not mean I mean it. I'm flexible. If I found the right person, I don't mind giving up being alone. But I know mainly that I have happiness within me. Hence, I don't need my partner to give me happiness. In fact, I will contribute this happiness to the relationship. That is what relationship is about - creating happiness together, not relying a battery to do so.

I want a happy relationship that is full of laughter and joy. I didn't really bother to look for relationship because I was waiting. Waiting for the one to come my door step because I am lazy to hunt. Waiting to see if my faith proves me wrongly.

For all these years, my heart keeps saying no but now it has finally says yes. Most probably I have disinfect my parent's woes off my system that I'm trying to learn to love and be loved.

Recently, in a meditation, I had a message. It was short and confusing. They are Love him & Love her. It took me days to understand it. A way to heal two emotionally-scared people is to learn to love each other.

Good things will come to people who wait. hmm..

I read somewhere on FB that it is easy to say I love you, but it is not when comes to waiting and being patience. True love is about being patient and never stop loving the person during the waiting period. It makes sense. Of course, don't let her/his hair turn white la.

I hope the person will appreciate my patience and my nonsensical topics. Aww... I will try to be a better listener...

Happy day, humans!

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Smiley
Sunday. 2.16.14 7:30 pm
Aww... I'm the lucky girl to receive this!



I hope this won't be the last gift!

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It's everywhere...
Sunday, February 9, 2014
This is just sad.

Last week my friend's mum died. Now, one of my spiritual teachers is diagnosed with cancer stage III just a few days after the passing of the mother.

I have heard of many cancer patients and if she didn't make it... she would be my fourth friend succumbed to cancer. My feeling tells me she only has less than 3 months to live.

Her whole uterus has to be removed but she has a clot in her lungs. That has created complication.

I never thought of visiting her soon but I did last Saturday. A friend bought some Chinese supplement for her and had requested me to give her as he was down with fever and cold. He didn't want to spread to her. I'm down with dry cough. I could have declined but I guess it's the arrangement of the Universe.

I was actually in the middle of working at office since the ungodly time of 6.30 am. But I insisted my friend that I could do it because coincidentally I will be in the hospital premise to deliver t-shirts to orphanages. I was on the way, not out.

I was at my teacher's bed side. She doesn't look like a patient at all. She in fact looks so much youthful than the few years I have known her. I guess she has finally let go some of the issues tugging in her heart...

Anyways... it somehow breaks my heart to see a friend at the hospital. She was in cold and fidgeted the whole time because she was very uncomfortable with the heavy bleeding. Her hands were so cold... and I could not even warm her hands even though I rested my hand on hers.

I know she is a strong lady but somehow, you know, that anyone can withstand his/her own fear hearing the expiry date. I intended to leave the moment I gave her the supplement, but somehow she drone and I didn't have the heart to cut her off for she doesn't have family members with her. I just lent her my ears. She said she was not afraid of her own death, but I know the truth. I had once said to myself that I'm not afraid of death too. But in the end, who is not afraid of dying? The method of dying is what agonises people the most.

The lesson I learned from my friend's death is to live life the fullest. I asked my teacher if her boyfriend is coming to visit her. She gave me a question look, and I was sad to learn she broke off with him. I thought she said they were so connected... What happened? I just hope they guy will just support her regardless of their current situation. I heard the guy is not even talking to her now despite his friends and mum are keeping in touch with her.

Illness is also a sign of spiritual problems lingering in us. I don't like to talk about this but it's kinda true. For the last few years ever since I returned from New Zealand, my mother has been very unhappy with our current financial status. I tried so hard to be happy and also worked towards improving the financial freedom but it somehow didn't happen. I guess it was also because of the continuity of emotional and mental abuse that I've been getting from my mother. It escalated till a point I fell into a state of severe unhappiness. And this unhappiness manifested into severe health problems. I was lucky enough to have found out soon, but it already has taken some toll on my body and mind. It is now costing me a bomb to repair my health. My doctor could not understand why my health was far worse than my mum and sister. Of course, I was the punching bag. How can my mother's health worse than mine? Even my friend who is an oracle reader has been telling me that my health problems occur because I was not listening to my mind. Yes, how could I focus on my mind when society represented by my mother wanted me to be 'normal'? The shocking of all is a friend who didn't reveal he could read aura. He recently revealed that I had black aura for some time... Oh well, luckily now is not black but not a healthy one either.

I shall visit my teacher as frequently my schedule allows.

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