It's actually change your mind but then I thought change your 'head' would be refreshing but merely impossible unless you undergo some surgery. That's crazy, really.

I came back from a public lecture entitled Climate Changes, Disasters and Wars: How can our next generations solve? by Datuk Dr. Jemilah, the founder of MERCY Malaysia (a humanitarian NGO). It was an awesome talk. Though simple but very enriching because we get to listen first hand experience. Albeit its seriousness we still got moments to laugh at funny scenes but overall it was just painful to continue listening to the events should Dr. Jemilah continue telling her stories; remember this person has gone into warzones and witnessed terrifying things you and I may not withstand.

As I was listening to the talk, I realised I have been a hypocrite and a procrastinator. I always tell people to help this and that and bla bla but I never seem to do the same thing. Even if I did, I did it at a very slow pace. I should have make things happening faster... Another thing is I always say I want to contribute back to the society and I don't seem to be doing anything at all. It was just all talks. So I really salute to this woman who really made things happen.

So now I'm reorganizing my priorities as in what I really want to do in giving back to society and what social activities I want to be active in and such. And I really thought of thinking of volunteering with MERCY because it's really close with what I wanted to contribute. I wanted to save lives and also improve people's environment as in ENVIRONMENT at the same time and MERCY does seem to fit in nicely but here I am ... being diffident ... always thinking I'm not qualified. Whatever ... I should just do it.

I'm going to email to one of the coordinators about their disaster education in schools since I'm interested in volunteering in environmental education. Cross finger.

Life is just to short to be ordinary, you know.

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Recalling the earlier incident in the train today on my way home must have really given a bad impression about myself to everyone surrounding me. Before that, everyone in the train was pretty shock when there was this 3-4 year old girl out of the blue snaked her away passed everyone and stopped right in front of an elder couple. Can you guess what she did? She swished her right hand as if she was shooing flies of the space in the middle of the old couple while mumbling something. We guessed she was asking the old couple to give up the seat. And then later her father came and whisked her away but only resulted in tantrums and screaming. Her mother told her to keep quiet but because she was tired and pregnant so she was not in the mood to attend to her daughter ... and so luckily there was this young lady giving up her seat for the little girl and she sat with an impression like a little gangster. I could see the father having problems in handling her too.

Because I was not feeling well since morning till I got on board... in fact, it was so quite bad until I went up to my HQ to ask for biscuit so I could take medicine and then fixed to the root for a shortwhile. So I eagerly sat when there was a space in the train. It happened to beside the little girl. I was crunching my stomach because of the pain and I don't know what was wrong with her... she was trying to take off her socks and shoes and because she doesn't really know how to take them off, her foot kept on kicking me!!! It was quite annoying because I was already trying to relax my stomach muscle and then there was this uninviting kicking. So I told to stop kicking. And of course I received a gangster reply. Luckily there was this kind lady sititng beside her helped her out. And luckily her family reached her destination soon ...

Gosh ... what's up with kids nowadays...

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I was listening to a person explaining about life protection product and she was telling the audience that her wedding gift on the most special day of her life is insurance. And she was joking why her husband bought the insurance under her name not naming her as the beneficiary. We all laughed and the guys were complimenting her husband who was sitting behind us as SMART.

My mind started to trail relationship issue. As I'm sitting in front of my laptop, I started to wonder why people sometimes could just stop talking to another person be it friend or family members in a blink of an eye. If you knew the reason that provoked this awkward situation is one thing but if you don't know at all is a SERIOUS thing because depriving the victim the very simple reason of WHY causes permanent injury to the heart until he or she forgets you. I guess that's why some people have time capsule to stop time even after death.

If you really follows my blog closely, I mentioned about a friend who failed to return my money... I wanted to jeopardise his life and another friend stopped me. by explaining to me it was not worth it. He added is it worth to jeopardise a relationship, friendship in this case, over such matter? I thought of the same thing to all kinds of relationship especially within the family web. Is it necessary to jeopardise the family relationship just because a member is not acting according to what you like? And you tell him/her "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE" And in movies, we could see how parents disown their kids and I have even read it in biographies how a mother disown her daughter just because her beautiful daughter's social status has ranked higher than her.

I find it childish in a way. Everyone has his or her own personality; if you don't like just reduce your interaction with that person even though he or she is related to you. Because within the family context, you and the person you dislike is related no matter what. It can't be erased until the day you cradle in the grave. But if you are the person who decided to stop all interaction with the person don't you feel anything towards that person? Do you feel it's a waste to see it ended? Do you feel sad.. remorse... anything? Or elated? A movie I might watch is Definitely, Maybe. The storyline is running in line with this pertubing issue of mine.

I was thinking more to what happen when you really need help from the person you have stop talking to? What if that is the only person in the whole world that could help you? Would you brush your pride away and start talking to the person as though nothing happen? Won't it be too late to heal when the injury is already scarred? I just feel it brings a lot of inconvieniences to yourself and also to the other party. Have you thought of the consequences before doing so?

Maybe I should just get a time capsule to be buried beside my grave. Good idea. I need to remember to write that in my will. Wait .. I need to get thinking what I should include ... and the number 1 in my list is Orochimaru and number 2 is Eiji Wentz. I mean pictures certainly!

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I finally managed to do something to my blank layout to something not glaring. Yatta ne! I have always wanted to have a simple layout like crz4manga even before she became a member (hehe). But today I have been stalking her blog just to check on her CSS code (hehehe). I changed the picture a few times to my liking and it was weird. I coded the picture to 'bottom-right' it came out on the left. And I'm finally happy with the current picture and I don't want to move it anymore because it will surely move to the left again! And I managed to change the colour links, thanks to Jolenesiah.

So now I just need to find out how to credit animeartbooks for the picture. This artist Tukiji Nao has a lot of nice drawings. I downloaded a few and thought of playing with all the images but after witnessing how the pictures can move from right to left without instructing it... NO WAY. I'm DONE!

So I'm happy for now.

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You guys must be thinking Renaye's blog must be corrupted and such since it's very something wrong isn't it? The blog is not corrupted but just in the process of experimentation. I have been yenning to play with the layout css code and finally got to do it after Jolenesiah get rid of the entry boxes for me. But then I don't know what to play next. So I played with the colour while I was in the office. I even tried putting a graphic as part of the background. That picture really made my blog as beautiful but then I somehow got pissed off when the toolbar that contains profile, gallery, guestbook, etc, blocked her beautiful face. I found it such a waste to have quarter of her face been blocked. I might try to do something with it because that picture is really cool. But I don't really need to fret since there are many more beautiful graphics by the same artists.

So please bear with me with this horrid mutated layout. The contents would still as interesting as always.

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My Coconut land is finally evaporated and I managed to come back to Reality in one piece. Glad I was I came back without any holes since recently there are many bus accidents on highways throughout the country.

Oh well, back to reality means back to work and other activities.

So welcome back, Renaye. And don't forget to post the activities... oh by the way ... if you guys can't wait ... just visit Jolenesiah

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