Speak to My Finger

I'm officially pissed because my superior in the youth camp said I was giving excuses and not taking ownership of the paper I'm supposed to prepare for the camp, just because I was waiting for another team mate to pass me his layout for the paper to work on.

I'm so pissed that I feel like PULLING OUT NOW and NOT submitting any of my earlier papers that I have prepared.

In retrospect, am I giving excuses? Am I not taking ownership? I may be giving excuses but seriously I'm waiting for my team mate to get back to me on his part, because I'm so going to complete the paper overall.

I feel like crying when I read I WAS GIVING EXCUSES AND NOT TAKING OWNERSHIP. (I think I'm already crying in my heart).

Not starting a blaming game, but the coordinator of the camp has been informing committee members so last minute that it clashed with my made appointments. And on the other hand, I can't be sitting and waiting for the email to tell me when the meeting is. Time is money. My appointments are consisted of discussions involving MONEY and TIME.

One morning, my mum said I'm ARROGANT. In retrospect, am I arrogant? Did I 'show off' too much just because I have lots of experience in some things? I think my mum said I am because I keep on saying other people being stupid or commenting my ideas are better and this and that. I don't remember, but it hurts like HELL, when I was called arrogant. Is it just because you all feel inferior? And all I wanted was just to help?! Did my current boss think like that too?

I think it was extremely unfair to say blatantly and brutally that I'm giving excuses and not taking ownership of the paper I'm supposed to work on.

I called up my team mate about this matter. I told him how unhappy I were to hear this coming out from the head facilitator. We both felt it was unprofessional when ding dong among team members is common, and the coordinator was just asking about updates on the paper, which I updated the coordinator and the head. And we both felt the head was just making us his punching bag since he is now extremely busy organising three events and he had informed everyone that he is organising it alone since the people who promised to assist him are not doing so. Well ... it's none of my business if you have nowhere to throw out your frustration. Don't inflict on me. Damn you!

The arrogant part... I don't know ... but I know I'm more vocal now but also I reflect on my own actions and I don't inflict my sufferings on other people now. I have tried my best to reduce my story-telling about my problems in the house with my friends because they would get tired (or already tired) of listening to me... I'm trying my best to change myself for the better and yet people think I'm arrogant. For god sake, I work my ass off to gain knowledge and experience unlike some people who just bitch about people's capability.

And seriously, I don't take 'idiotic people as leaders' matter very well. I noticed there are so many idiotic people sitting in the leadership position. I have nothing against them but I don't look up to stupid people because it makes me look stupid. I'm not proud to be an underling of a stupid person. If the staff can notice that the boss is a stupid person, what about the public?! I don't mind wearing masks to office. And why not? Masks can be a nice accessory.

That is all for my rant.