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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Don't stalk me because I'm smart!
Thursday. 2.8.07 10.20 p.m.
The last day of the peace conference was good with the closing of Tun Dr. Mahathir's closing remark because he just could make the audience laugh in the curtain of the world in a precarious situation. I send my salutation to him.

I went to the War and Crimes exhibition as well. The decoration was great though the area was small but the effort of putting it up is brightly shone in the exhibition. There were many interesting facts as well. I really enjoy my visit there.

But sigh, on the last day, I got to know this guy from the media who happened to have the same family name as me. No big deal. But with one problem. He kept on coming nearer to me as I moved myself away from him. This was repeated 3 times within don't-know-how many minutes. My male workmate didn't notice at all. Fine. So this guy and I were chatting about life and he told me he knew my boss. No big deal again because my company organizes seminars/conferences so he might have attended one of them. Because he has his own magazine publishing company so I asked him about the magazine market since I'm interested in doing some publishing/translating business. Bla bla there we go... and later I don't feel comfortable talking to him because I predicted our topic will sway to somewhere I'm not comfortable to discuss about. So thank god, my workmate and I saw a Prof from Ottaw so we headed to him. And left that guy. How happy and relieved I was.

But not for long. During the exhibition, I met him again. Aiya ... We talked again because I'm representing my company. No way. I could turn away this guy rudely. So we talked again about life and bla and bla... [I don't really remember what we really talked] and then I just feel extremely not comfortable talking to him because he kept on coming nearer to me. Come on, jolenesiah could tell you that I speak very loud - as loud as the lion roar. Don't joke with me that you can't hear me. I was hoping that my male workmate will come to my rescue but ended up not doing anything.

So when we left that media guy to meet the Lebanses guest of the conference, I gave a long lecture to this male workmate of mine to rescue any of your female workmate that looks like in trouble especially when you see a girl like me trying to get away from me. He got the guts to tell me that I looked like I'm enjoying the whole situation or maybe I like the flirtation. Puhleeze. Do I look that cheap? I don't need to get a guy like that. I wasn't even flirting with him. And don't tell me it's my fault should anything happen to me.

I was extremely happy and free when I came home. Not for long - again. He called me and we were just talking about the same thing. This really freaks me out. But again I was nice to him and ended the conversation as soon as I can. My god... I hope I have not met a stalker.

But you know what? Speak of the devil ... he just called me ... but to inform me of a manga drawing competition in the newspaper ... not so bad ...

But I will take action should he call me everyday.

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Open your eyes, sleepyhead!
Tuesday. 2.6.07 9.41 p.m.
To tell you the truth, I actually slept in the first session of today's peace conference organized by Global Perdana Peace Organization because the speeches were extremely boring. They might not be to the scientists in the hall but they were to me. The first speaker was a Japanese physicist so basically he was explaining some interesting facts about how nuclear fissures were released and so on but one flaw. He has difficulties in expressing himself in English so he should get a translator but he didn't so we ended up not understanding a single thing despite showing us impressive diagrams about nuclear energy.

The second speaker was a UK environmental scientist and environmentalist for the gree politic party in the UK. He was the most sporting speaker because he sang a song while playing a guitar before he ended his speech. And I understand a little of his speech. And unfortunately, the song's tune was not catchy, so again, I slept.

The third speaker was a genetic expert with a heavy Italian accent. No big deal with me but her skills in making presentation with powerpoint sucks. She should know that never ever make the fonts into purple colour and with some pink fonts. In presentation slides, you should only put bullet points. So again, I slept through some parts because she was just dragging. But there are some slides, I was very wide awake. Luckily, I don't feel like puking. Imagine, she put some horrible pictures of nuclear victims like their bodies turned black without being burned, their bodies bled even without even having any wounds and so on. But it's good to have her putting these pictures because they are real. How long can I hide myself from not seeing these kinds of pictures? These victims were Lebanons and she was suspecting Israelis developing new atomic weapons.

The most interesting of all is the testimony of the Iraqi victim of the U.S occupation. He was explaining to the participants about how he was tortured in Abu Ghraib prison. And I was actually sitting at the wrong spot during his speech because I was squeezed between by two Iraqi women; one at the right and one at the left. They were crying. I wanted to console them by patting their shoulder. If I do that to my left, then I have to do that right as well. So I ended up not consoling them for just reasons. The pictures depicted the cruelty of the U.S occupation; 2 soldiers were shown in the picture torturing their prisoners. And the 2 of them had been sentenced to jail a few years ago. And I actually cannot comprehend how could a woman soldier torture another person. Would she like her children to be tortured the way she did to the prisoners? Unbelievable people.

Hmm... I think I so far slept that much. I would love to continue sleeping in the later session but I can't because it was my turn to take notes. And another thing is I cannot understand is when you see some very famous intellectual person, please don't try taking autographs from he or she or pictures. When you see these people, you exchange your knowledge or comments with them. Please don't flock around this people until not giving chances to other people like me who wanted to tell them how much their speeches inspire people and how much the public needs this kind of information. Don't flock around them just because you want them to know of your existence. If you want them to know of your existence, please give them some impacted comments.

Thank you and good night.

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Criminalise war, people
Monday. 2.5.07 10.16 p.m.
I attended Tun Dr. Mahathir's war and crime conference and exhibition. The speeches and video were an eye opener for me though I'm aware of the consequences of war and effects of nuclear weapons. But this time, the speeches were inspiring and full of vigour of people that wanted changes in the world; the strong desire to have peace; the strong desire to have absolute freedom; the strong desire and determination to live in a world that's free of global conquest by the current superpower. I was inspired by their speeches. My heart was touched by the video I have seen today; the effects nuclear weapon that took their toll on children; how Iraqis were tortured in their prison. The pictures were disgusting but I cannot escape from the fact that they happened. I cannot console myself that 'Thank God, it didn't happen to me' but it keeps on bugging me to think of what I can do as an individual that is so small in the world that I could just be flattened just like an ant being stampede by elephants. What can I do to maintain peace in my community? This is something critical. We all need to address..

Another scary thing that we all participants discover during the conference was we all are exposed to nuclear radiation. Yes, we all are now breathing in nuclear particles. One of the speakers, a Geoscientist, explained this to us. We are horrified but what can we do? It is already too late. Even World Health Organization acknolwedge that we all are inhaling nuclear particles. This is a fact that we all don't want to know, much less being slap by the fact to our face. My heart cried silently when I see the pictures of children being exposed to nuclear radiation. My heart cried how could these children live a normal life like me. I admit that I wail and whine of how hard my life is at times but I cannot imagine these kids living a life with permanent defects. No games, no boyfriend or girlfriend to go steady with, no eyes to see, no brain to synthesis the information, etc... It's nothing. It's like living in a black hole. All hopes and dreams have been robbed by the nuclear radiation. No their future has been sucked out of these children by the warmongers. They should be labelled as war criminals. They should be sent to courts to seek justice. Nothing can justify as to rob the future of this kids.

No not only that, what about the war victims? War victims that have done no wrong to the aggressors. They too have family. They too have kids. I cannot imagine the sadness of parents burying their own kids. Growing up their kids but shortly after that parents just lose their kids to war. So sad. Now I could imagine my Iraqi friend's childhood time when I asked him about his growing up time during the sanction. He didn't say anything much but his eyes were looking afar and sadness reflected in his eyes. It was a silence sadness. I now could imagine how did my Iraqi friend survive. The economic sanction was so absurd that kids have no normal childhood life. I cannot empathy myself with them. I had a hard life as a child as well but I cannot imagine myself being denied health care service; no sharpener; no pencil; no clothe; etc.

I will do my very best as an individual to promote peace in my community no matter how powerless I am. An individual can make changes if only I want to ...

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The courage of one woman ...
Sunday. 2.4.07 10.15 p.m.
I knew you guys miss me. I'm glad to announce that I'm back. Oh yea .. the title says it all.

I was absent for quite some time because I was exhausted returning from some environmental conference and then work load has been piling for the 2 days that I was gone from the office. Not only that, I even need to bring home office work and finally I have finished the environmental report for my boss to read. It was supposed to be a 2 page report but I have already written in like a 6 page report and can't be cut short because there were like 15 speakers. Don't tell me you just want me to put one liner for each speaker? I know someone in my office would do that. I also pity her because we are mortal enemies in the office; we like to debate everything in the office - from food to lifestyle. It's not like we hate each other whatever, we are just teasing each other almost every day. Cherish every moment ...

Another reason attribute to my absence is I don't know how to setup the correct internet settings in my brand new laptop. But I'm happy to say that I managed to get it right with my courage. That's why I named this entry like above. It sounds good right. Furthermore, I'm a genius. XD Anyway the problem was quite simple but it is not for an idiotic computer user like me. It happened that the network key/password was wrongly entered at 2 different place. This disabled me from surfing the internet despite the internet icon indicating excellent signal. I got it right also with the help of aizat1900 and the rest is my brain. When aizat1900 told me to open one of the tabs, I just suddenly saw an image of myself entering my internet password. I saw this image playing in my head a few times and I know it's my inner self giving me the remedy to my problem. But it also requires courage to do that because I absolutely got no idea how to troubleshoot computer problems. But I was glad that I made the move, if not I won't be able to surf internet until today.

Thank god ... I saw the image in my head ...



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Frustrating!!!
Thursday. 2.1.07 9.22 p.m.
I'm so frustrated. So frustrated until I feel like killing people; maybe stabbing would come me down - a lot. I just bought a new laptop and was eager to go on the internet. Not because I want to download, it's just that I want to go onto the internet for heaven's sake!!!! I configured everything and I don't know why I can't surf the internet. I entered the IP, DNS and I think mistook the internet password as the network key, whatever.... So I called up Streamyx, the broadband provider, and they told me that it is not their problem if my laptop can't surf the internet just because the internet connection in my house is good and the internet in my house is connected. Hey .. isn't that a technical section suppose to help me to troubleshoot why I can't go onto the internet? If yes, why Streamyx need to employ so many operators just to hear people informing them that there's something wrong with the connection in their areas? People have more problems with the configuration of internet than the the connection in the house. Oh yes, Streamyx has forgotten to fix a jumper in my office and they blamed the upgrades in Klang Valley for the internet downtime. And poor the operator because I was shouting at her for not telling me that it is not Streamyx concern if my laptop can't surf the internet as long they have done their part. So mad that I'm sure you guys can hear me shouting virtually. So mad !!!!!!!!!!!! If I know I have someone to ask about this question, do you think I would try asking Streamyx???!! Arghh ... can I just kill someone??

Thank god, there's no Naruto latest chapter this week. If not, I would be screaming top of my lungs to get hold of it... Thank god .... there's none. If not I would scream the whole night.

Whatever... I was missing for the past few days because I was participating in a Sustainable Development conference.

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Can't remember ....
Sunday. 1.28.07 7.45 p.m.
I seriously can't remember what I wanted to put into my blog but all I know is sh*t I'm being busted. Yes I'm being busted. Yes somebody I thought I could prevent from reading my blog has been visiting my blog. I wonder how long has my sister been visiting my blog? Oh well, whatever, do whatever you want. You can tell mum about my thoughts whatsoever because I don't care. I don't care if mum is happy about how I think. All I know is I want justice and equality in the family; that's why I don't care about positions in the family. I'm sure many of us questioned why parents could beat and scold us for no apparent reason but children can't do otherwise. Oh come on, don't give me a lame excuse such as 'I'm your Dad/Mum/Cat...' as if I buy that reason. I want justice.

Like today, my mum threw out her tantrum just because I just told her to not disturb me while doing office work in my room. She just wanted me to remove some things on my side table and I refused to do because it is a disturbance. And I pity myself for not having the freedom of movement and thoughts and speak even in my own room especially when I want to be alone/solitary. I know aizat1900 is going to say something about this; yea you will be advising me to be patient and tolerance. All I'm asking is to have some time for myself and my only self.

Are my wishes just a dream?

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