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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Eggs and Baskets
Saturday, December 1, 2007
I think I'm recently very stress. Not the typical stress like from work or pressure. But simply from interactions. I'm sick of interacting with stalkers. I always need to tell them repeatedly to shake their shadows off me. And them replying me "it was an excruciating pain of hearing that." Then what about my pain of suffering being hounded? Sometimes I don't know if the stalkers realise the pain of being rejected is also a deep cut to the rejectors like me because I'm seriously fed up of telling guys to give up on me repeatedly. They don't leave you after you tell them once. They come again and again. They just love torturing you. And then when you finally blow up in a polite way. They tell you "don't be mad because you are not cute in that form." I'm simply wordless.

Why am I so mad? And why is my entry always about stalkers? Nothing else to talk about? Actually I have a wonderful day today until I got into a fight with my sister. I went shopping for punjabi suit at Masjid India today. Holycow the most colourful market I have ever seen! But back to my question. I'm mad because I was in a hurry to buy a punjabi suit just because I want to avoid 'collateral damage' in any form and way. The objective of getting that is to wear to a friend's wedding next week. I wanted to wear baju kurung but thinking of the effect... I cringed and I want to cry but no tears. You imagine you can't wear that because a stalker likes to see you in that costume... And what does a stalker do? Their eyes never left you. I don't want to be spied. And worse still I don't want my costume to excite him. Imagine I have to take all precautions and asking my friends to sit beside me at all times. My friend even offered me to sit beside her husband. How sweet. But of course I said I will sit beside her. My current question is why the hell am I suffering?

Can you imagine this suffering is just cause by one guy? And I'm tired of people of not understand other people's feelings and respecting people's decision. Yes I know I sometimes brush people's feelings and sometimes aggresively sideline their decision but that's a different story. (Yes I know some of the readers are groaning about it). What I want to say in this context is similar to this scenario: You don't like vegetable and I know you don't. So when I see you not eating, I don't force you. Is that fair? The same concept. That was what got me into a fight with my sister. The same thing to guys who don't get off my tails.

Maybe that explains a lot why I want solitude. The lesson you can learn from this entry is if you like someone and want to be his/her partner, please don't make yourself irritating and annoying. Try doing it 'professionally' which means don't be pushy and please choose your words properly when talking. If the potental partner keeps declining stop pouring words like "you don't need to work so hard if you have a boyfriend" or "you will have someone to take care of you". If you just did even you say it casually you, you have just irritated the person. Congratulations. And please remember that since you want to give a good impression on people. You want a good name.

One more thing is to someone named C.C.Ho. Thank you for reading my blog but I have been freaking out since you told me you are reading my blog "very closely" last night. Nothing wrong with it but I just don't know why the way you said it really made me insecure like I have been a prime target.... I'm sorry to have to pass the message like this. I'm not a coward and I will tell you that again when we chat. So the song "Don't go breaking my heart" sang by Elton John and Olivia Newton John is highly dedicated to you.

Oh well thank you for supporting my blog. The website (http://books2sell.nutang.com) to sell books is already up some time ago and it will be always be updated.

Happy ranting about my useless entry.

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Draw me a tree!!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Someone in a forum asked the members to draw her a tree. And I did. This is my tree...



Her analysis is as the following:

Hahaha!!! Rennyy-aye somehow I feel special about it

WOW!!! I must say, that is amazing

Overall, I feel warmth from you. You¡¦re a person that most people will like as soon as they meet you.

Let¡¦s start with the roots. I can¡¦t see any! Usually when there are no roots, it means the person is disconnected from his/her family. But I can¡¦t say that about yours because yours is actually covered up by the grass and flowers. You have surrounded yourself with lots of other people and things. Very bubbly on the outside, but are you hurting? Lonely? Or do you feel the need to gather people up around you in order to make them feel loved? not sure I can¡¦t answer that

The stump is typical. The stump shows the kind of life you¡¦ve lived up to now ƒº You have some major issues that have been there constantly. It seems as though it has become a part of your routine. Those lines are thin and do not take up room in your life. So you have other priorities.

The branches are covered with leaves. Many many many leaves and.. yellow ..?? fruits? You have many friends and many relationships. They all mean a lot to you. Most of your branches are open. So you have a very laid back personality. You¡¦re very open. What we see is what we get You are also very detail oriented. You notice everything and everyone. Even people who you do not know. The birds to the sky. You see things and you take it in. You are a lot like a gravitational force. I¡¦m not sure people can walk by you and now get to know you.

That¡¦s all for this tree. I¡¦m sure I can read into it more thank you for the lovely tree.

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Food tasting
Sunday, November 25, 2007
One thing I like about Jaya Jusco supermarket is you get to try out food sampling, be it yoghurt drink, juices or instant noodle. Yesterday I was in that supermarket with my family to do grocery shopping and since I'm a freeloader, those food sampling counters are something very pleasant to my eyes. Don't forget it's also one of the ways for me to kill my boredom while waiting my mum picking vegetables and fish.

The first counter I went was a newly produced soft drink. Eew... the lychee taste is so fake.

Second counter is a juice counter. The mango juice tasted awful! I squirmed on the spot.

Next ... I think it was a yoghurt drink counter. I always buy that brand but no harm in drinking right? So I pretended I haven't tried and I was offered one flavour. I drank happily.

I went to the next one which is a competitor to my previous stop. I also drank it and they taste the same. I don't know what's not but can feel the competitor's quality is a little higher than my previous yoghurt drink but it's also more expensive.

The next one I gave a cold glare to the counter guy. It was an ice cream counter. The ice cream was good but it reminded me how much I miss NZ's ice cream. And suddenly he said "Buy one of these for your children." I glared at him and lifted my eyebrow. "What..." I replied "did you say just now?" Looking at my impression must have scared him so he just said "Nothing" a few times repeatedly.

Later my sister and I went to every counter - for me, again - for food sampling. Haha. And at the same ice cream counter, I was given the second time to taste the ice cream. Haha.

While my mum and sister busy fiddling something at a shelf, I went over to the Milo counter and tried their latest less-sugar drink. Not much difference in taste, just the colour is darker since they have added more cocoa.

My last stop is the Kellog's counter. Wow... I have not eaten cocoa pops for ages...

And then I went home satisfactorily. And I think I would frequent these counters again if I'm ever bored.

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Shopping mania
Friday, November 23, 2007
I'm dead tired. It's not from work but just the walks you took when you go for shopping. My mother was invited to a shopping premier but turned out to be disappointment: nothing to shop and extremely limited despite the Breakfast Crew of a local radio station is invited to pull the crowd.

My sister got some free goodies but I didn't bother because it's not suitable for me. I was at this Synergy counter and was dying of thirst. I saw some drink samples. There were 2 black and one white solution. I was about to take the white one thinking it was water-like but it was not. Thank god I didn't. It was an anti-ageing drink for all people except people with hormone problems in the womb, thyroid ... and some other places. Wow. I was saved by the bell. I can't drink because I'm still on the monitor screen for thyroid problems.

Before that I was walking aimlessly and bumped into a latest fitness centre called Myoga something like that. The consultant was asking me if I like dancing and I replied him "I like punching people." He introduced me to their "punching" programmes. I dislike kickboxing because I had bad experience where my friend who has ample of energy landed her punches on me like I was her rapist. And the other friend keep on hitting my chest because she's 5'9 and I'm just 161 cm. Duh. Tae bo sounds ok but body combat sounds more fun!

My sister and I went back to Isetan hoping to get some bread but we didn't because we don't feel like having bread so we did window shopping. And guess what. There was this salesgirl who ran 180 degrees and on emergency brake to stop right in front of us just to ask us to buy some nail file. The nail file is attractive ... you just brush it on your nails and they go shiny in seconds... no manicure or varnish is needed. And it's just RM 12.90. I would love buying it since my nails are so dull but I'm on tight budget. I only have RM 50 till my next payday which is in a week. I said no. My sister is also in the same boat but she wanted to buy and I discourage her to buy until she gets her pay. If not what's the point of buying when you tell yourself 'you're on a budget'? The salesgirl repeatedly told my sister to ignore my financial advice. In the end my sister didn't buy. We thought of buying next week....

What a day. That's why I'm determined to stay at home for the weekends to spend time with my idiot box although yay jolenesiah has cancelled tomorrow's appointment and poor worm worm for declining his movie date.

Yay!! My beauty sleeps here I come!

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My heart will go on and sink...
Thursday, November 22, 2007
It was a rare event for me to have lunch with my workmates because I usually eat in office followed by an hour nap. But today I decided to join 2 workmates for lunch and we were bitching about people as usual. I found out both of my workmates are looking for job. In fact, according to them the workmate in front of me got a job offer but she was extremely undecided and somehow declined and placed the blame on my 2 workmates. How and why I got no idea but this workmate of mine loves doing so. That is why we like to tease her...

I have also thought of switching job too since I have worked for one year and in need of new environment. I saw a similar job opportunity but I didn't apply because I seriously want to establish in the environmental field not politics or economics. And that was what the job opportunity was about. I decided to forego knowing opportunities come once.

I think back to search for what I really want. And I really want to do research work especially going out of office. I know it's boring stuff especially when comes to writing... But I like it. It somehow gives me a sense of achievement. *Grin*. And I could tell people "that's my writing" and it would last for ages: the mark of me on this earth. I'm so full of myself isn't it? I like to do field research. It sounds like working in excellence centres of universities are the best spot for me.

I could change jobs... but I'm trying to get scholarship to study masters. So undecided... If yes I need a better paid job. Haha...

Speaking of switching jobs, I'm resigning from my part time job next week. I'm now going to type my resignation letter...

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Nostalgia
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
My revenge mood from yesterday not subsided and I'm now declaring war because I'm sick of keeping quiet and receiving all damages. Thanks for all the comments of yesterday's entry.

I was browsing alone in Kinokuniya in the afternoon. I don't seem to get books with stories that I want to read. This time I really take each book out to read the synopsis not only judging by its cover. Most of the stories nowadays are overlapping and similar. Is it so hard to have something different? I want to read chic-lit but with a twist. Or should say I have had enough? Because the plot is now so predictable to me after reading 3 chic-lit books? I want to read something sad but it won't be chic-lit anymore.

I went over to the spooky genre section. Books on vampire stole all the spaces. And I don't want to read anymore vampire stories unless it has sad ending or something really different. But it would be nice to read vampire stories with humour for a change.

I went over to the fantasy section and nothing interest me. The books on the shelves as though spelled BORING to me. I feel so sad.

Then suddenly I recalled back an essay I wrote during high school for an English exam. I started the story with a given sentence and completed it sadly. It was a story of 5 girlfriends who are best friends. They lived together in a house apparently. (I don't remember much ...). But there were only 2 main characters. This girl who was me and one of the girlfriends, A, had a fight and somehow I ran away from the problem and ran to Holland but I died because the ship sunk. Yes yes to Holland is by air but somehow I was just on a ship. So I came back to the house after a few months to visit the 4 girls. And if I'm not mistaken I was supposed to marry someone or marry someone for A because she dislike the groom or something like that. Complicated huh? So when I came back the girls welcomed me and we chatted like the normal days though there was a conflict between me and A. We chatting and I almost said I died! Haha but no it was just trailed off. Somehow we decided to drop the topic for good ol' time sake. While they were cooking downstairs, I was upstairs playing videos of us having good times. I actually already indicated in the story that I was a spirit by saying "I used my new found powers of elevation." Later we had dinner together and I left the house for good. My death angel was outside waiting for me, waiting for me to fulfil my last wish and poof I went.

What a complicated story I have written. I wondered what my teacher thought about it. And I miss creative writing classes. Maybe I should just transform my weird dreams into some stories. Oh I just had one last night. It was pretty awful...

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