For the past few months, I'm quite piss off with myself for not being able to participate in any major events because I could not get team members and were extremely annoyed when friends didn't give me an answer and expected me to read their minds. Buzz off. I'm not going to share good things with you guys anymore. I'm tired of always giving, giving, giving. You guys are just suckers by the way. OH SHUT UP RENAYE... STOP PUTTING ANGER IN YOUR ENTRY.

Right., you are right, Renaye. Yesterday, I committed myself to participate a scrabble marathon next month. I'm just so excited. I was procrastinating for the past 2 years and I finally I committed myself. I'm so glad. This is the best thing I could do for myself. I'm so excited that I went to get the scrabble dictionary and the board game today. I got them both ... but they were somewhere in my old house back in Penang. But anyway ... I'm going to start reading the dictionary before I go to sleep! I might be amateur but I'm not going to lose to the others just because I have not played for the past five years!!! Just to buy myself in to the marathon registration -impromptu- I need to say 'I have played with this and that back in Penang.'

Woohoo... here comes my brain sucking new vocab!!

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I'm gonna write here randomly and it's quite disrespectful to someone but I can't help it. And this entry is by no means to belittle anyone's capability and ability. It's just something I want think out loud.

I was very hardworking among my workmates because all of them are not really working on a stale project; I'm the only one working on it. At the beginning, I dreaded this project because we work on it until we nauseate. But now I'm really excited about mending the changes. A good wind of change.

As I said I was working on the project, I took over an ex-colleague's project and I was relieved to hear him telling me all those projects already have important data or somethin like that and got some completed. I was damn happy, believe me, coz I thought work load will be lighter. However it is not. There were only 2 projects completed and somehow the rest was untouched. My god. I said so because ... hang on... let me pause here because I need to respect a person's individuality...

Ok I stop here. End. Period.

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A lot of things running through my head at the moment from politics and elections to environmental issues to life itself.

So let me cover everything at one go.

I'm going to vote for the first time this coming Saturday. Everyone in my office is so damn excited about the voting. One of my colleagues has been giving 'speeches' about the party her whole family is supporting. Damn hilarious because her computer was covered with the party's logo and been talking about it for days already. And so it seems Pakcik was a committe member of the supporting member of the government. He was extremely angry [we guess through his body language] when he heard my friend kept on telling us to vote for her favourite party. For me ... it's hard to make a decision. I admit that there are many things I'm not happy with. There are many things could be improved but the talk is never walked or even surface. And I seriously want to see changes in this country for the better. Can we do it? Yes of course but not with the current generation of leaders. Who am I going to vote? Have you seen the Chinese movie called Hero? If yes, you will know the answer already.

I read in the Sun yesterday about a group of scientists detecting an iceberg of the size of Texas floating in the sea. Do you guys have any idea what does that mean? I'm already extremely tired of announcing this kind of news to the person next to me because the reply would be 'So?'. I'm tired. And then I recalled Wormx2's word "It's your job" when we were having dinner together on Saturday. Let me guess... it's the environmentalists job to save the earth? I somehow felt very tired. As Jolenesiah and I came to an agreement, this world needs to be reformatted like what we do to computers. Oh well, I'm just too sick to continue pouring thoughts from my heart because whatever I say ... the reply would be "So?" or "It's not my problem" and "It's your job" from some people [I'm not referring to you Worm]. Well since the world looks so gloomy and doomy especially with the idiotic war of lies, I don't see how everyone on this world can be safe. Why don't we just embrace doomsday with open heart? If not, start saving the environment! Don't say you can't! Don't tell me you can't even put a can into the tin bin?!

I was thinking of life too. But I don't remember already but most likely is about starvation and myself and that's why the title is 'Stuff me' as in starve me. I will write that next time. I'm just too sick and tired of all these lies, dishonesty and ignorance to continue recording my thoughts here.

Hopefully I havea good dream but not as wild as Sunday's. You remember that, Jolenesiah?

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I went to a high school today to take my insurance exam because it's a compulsory exam by my investment employer. I was the entrance to the school hall and there was a girl blocking my way because she was sitting right in the middle of the staircase. She was busy reading the insurance booklet. She looked familiar. I immediately recognize her as my senior back in high school whom I have not seen since 2001! I said hi to her and she couldn't recognize me at all. I'm not surprise because we were not close at all. We just engaged in a talk or two. That's all.

But this world is just so small. Both of us studied in Penang and yet we bumped into each other in Kuala Lumpur. I even bumped my high school friend in Wellington, in the same bus across the road! Small world isn't it?

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I think the international food court in KLCC (the shopping mall in the tallest twin building in the world) is a jinx. On Valentine Day, my lunch date was abruptly cancelled and I don't want to mention it any further... Last Friday, I was abandoned by my idiotic colleagues. Here goes the story.

Last Friday, I planned to busy body at the MAS air fare at KL Convention Centre since papers have been splashed with cheap dirt air tickets. And I thought I could get free tickets through lucky draw. And drop by at Estee Lauder counter to get samples. This were my plans. And my colleagues asked me to join them for lunch. Since I got no lunchbox from home, I agreed.

We arrived in KLCC separately because I went to the bank and to my dismay it was packed so I skipped. And met up with one of the colleagues at another bank whom she was waiting for one girl withdrawing money and the other on the way to meet them. It was 12.40 p.m. I was kinda surprised to see her standing there because it's lunch time and food courts will be extremely packed at this hour. And utterly impossible to get a place to sit if you go after 12.30 p.m. Since I got nothing to do... I volunteered to get a place at the international food court. I said that clearly to the girl standing.

I went up and got a place after waiting for 5 minutes. It was packed. I walked one round just to get a place not mentioning waiting for people to leave their seats. And I got a nice place for 4 and so I waited for them. I called another girl who went withdrawing cash that I got a place in front of Sushi King. And later, she called me telling me they were at this place called Deli-something ... and then she hanged up. I could hear my stomach growling and my inner self keeps on wanting to give up the seat but I insisted on waiting. I thought they could not spot me since I was quite far away from the escalator. And so I waited until my patience is running on oil. I called up again.

Me: Hey... I'm in front of Sushi King... where are you guys?
A: We are in front of Deli-something... ordering food already... come and join us la
Me: BUT I TOLD U I GOT A PLACE IN FRONT OF SUSHI KING RIGHT? SO I WAITED FOR U GUYS FOR NOTHING?! AND U GUYS R ORDERING ALREADY?
A: But I already told you we are in front of Deli-something ma
Me: BUT I SAID I'M IN FRONT OF SUSHI KING.
A: Never mind la.. you join us la.
Me: FORGET IT... I'M NOT HAVING LUNCH WITH YOU ALL!

And off I left the place with a growling stomach. Idiotic people. I left the place and packed some pizza and ate at a bench. I kinda enjoyed eating at the bench because I'm used to it since college. But still my plans were in ruin by these idiots. As I ate pizza, I kept on recalling back our conversation... I was thinking where did our conversation went wrong. Where went wrong in the first place??!! I told the standing-girl I would get us a place to sit and then I called the withdrawing-cash-girl about me sitting somewhere...

When we headed back to office, the standing-girl apologize to me and I shot back "I DON'T KNOW WHAT U GUYS R DOING!"

And I headed back to my seat to finish my pizza. Then I received MSN messages about the whole incident. The standing-girl told me the cash-girl didn't inform her about me getting a place. But excuse me? I told you first and could not you ask the cash-girl to ask my whereabout? And why the heck the stupid cash-girl ending the call after telling me their whereabout? I mean 'Hello You Guys Got Brain Right?'

If you think I'm harsh for calling them brainless, I won't apologize to that statement because they are at times although the standing-girl is much better with her brains. In fact, two people in fact should make this whole incident clear... the stupid cash-girl should also make a statement to clear things out because in fact she's the one that should be wronged. I told her a clear message and poor the other girl to admit all was her fault. And that cash-girl just kept quiet. How can you just see a colleague admitting all wrong just like that?! Man .. don't play innocent with me because everyone is not innocent and pure [and those people only exist in anime like Fruit Basket].

And yea I admit that I'm also very brainless but only to certain things and time. Of course I'm also brainless la... where got people 100% correct one??!! As the saying goes ... no one is perfect.

I was actually not angry with them but I put it up because if I just say 'Oh it's ok' they won't get the message to use their brain. My mum concluded them as budak kampung [rural kids because of the lifestyle difference with urbanites]. Technically the cash-girl is very budak kampung... This incident won't ever repeat again because I decided not to have lunch with them anymore. I know this incident is too minor to have this kind of effect on me but I just couldn't put up with people who don't use their wisdom. And I certainly don't want a repetition...

Lesson learned = Always listen to instinct.

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I have just recovered an overjoyed moment. I just finished my scholarship interview over the phone. And it's so nice of the Professor of the department I applied to repeatedly called me just because my stupid line sucks. He called me like 6 times just to interview me. And he kept on reassuring me that he would call me no matter what just to resume our interview.

I almost cried when he asked me the last and final question: Why don't want to study again in NZ? I didn't answer eloquently but my main point was conveyed.

My last question to the Professor "How many people were shortlisted?" His reply was "OUT OF 800 APPLICANTS, ONLY 30 WERE SHORTLISTED" I almost cried out on the phone. I was emotionally drained. I cannot hear myself telling myself that I was one of the 30 shortlisted. I dashed into the kitchen and kept myself busy washing the dishes but in the end I cried out of joy. It's just so unbelievable. The last time I only need to compete with 40 people to be shortlisted. But this is 20 times more.

I just could not stop thanking and apolgizing profusely to God for giving me this opportunity and also being selfish for my dreams.

Oh the course I'm applying is Masters of Environmental Management, Policy and Planning in Central European University in Hungary.

I will update myself and you guys about the final result.

LMQ, YOU CAN DO IT!

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