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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Friday. 3.21.14 4:33 am
I realised I'm living with a psychotic mother. She starts her day with complaints as early as 6 am. And she will continue until she drops me off at the train station. I take it that she is just complaining for the sake of complaining but I hate the content because it is always about me. For example, because of you I will be late for work. The truth is she IS always late for work regardless she fetches me or not to the train station. This is what I have been observing. On the days she doesn't need to fetch me she wakes up at 7 am and then leaves house around 8 am. The same timing on the days she fetches me.

So do I think it is fair?

Absolutely not. Today at 6 am, she asked me something and I answered with a higher pitch, and she shot me back that why I am always rude. The truth is she was complaining AGAIN before she asked me. My patience has reached its limit. It's the 5th day I have been listening to her complaining. When I confronted that she has been complaining about me EVERYDAY, she said she was just commenting and she got the cheek to tell me she was not scolding me. What I feel is she IS cursing me everyday.

No wonder her face looks gaunt. Good on her. And the best part is she ends her day with some silent mumbles. No joke. I could see her always biting or moving her whole lips every evening as she does her chores in the kitchen. I pity those souls she is thinking about. She must be cursing them.

She doesn't realise that she is making my sister and I suffering. She only knows her pain. She keeps blaming my nocturnal habits for my poor health.

The truth is living with a psychotic is the reason and that she is the one.

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September 2011
Wednesday. 3.19.14 11:56 am
I miss this moment very much.

And I cannot stop looking at my pretty face. I am so vain.

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Sing... sing
Wednesday. 3.12.14 4:46 am
I don't really like how I could hear the transition of my voice to higher pitch during singing. And I finally realised I could hear the transition of Utada Hikaru's voice too.

So why am I so work out?


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A new possession
Monday. 3.10.14 12:03 am
I bought myself a new laptop over the weekend. Despite that, I don't have time to play around with it. How sad.

But on the bright side, I have gotten free coffees in conjunction with International Women's day!

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What do people regret the most?
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I read on a blog and these are The Top Five Regrets of the Dying:

1. I wish Id had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didnt work so hard.
3. I wish Id had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

It's from a book written by Bronnie Ware. I'm not going to tell much about the writer because if you are interested you will need to do your research. You will remember the details much better later. =)

I had done number 3 recently. To a guy. With my thoughts conquering only 3 quarter of the page. And he replied me in similar length.

I did that because I want to make myself happy. So I can die with a peace of mind. I have nothing to lose and I certainly do not want to lose him.

We all know we can't escape from death but we are still twirling with time as if we live for eternity.

Why not do something today that won't add on to your regret list? Like dancing in the rain? Oh well, perhaps dancing in the sun?

I used to have a list of things I wanna do and try... but I was recently overwhelmed with emotions and work, it's high time to get back my creativity.

Everyone, live life to the fullest!

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Whose innerself?
Tuesday. 3.4.14 5:36 am
He is the third Japanese celebrity that I dreamed of.

We both were lying down on a single bed in a dormitory like. In front of us was a tv. There was a third female person in the room with us and she was lying on his bed end. The earlier part was a little fuzzy but I think she and I were talking something which I exhibited my maturity. That's because he suddenly said he could then asked me for advise. I looked at him with a puzzle look because I did not realise he was listening to our conversation. He suddenly asked what do I think of him having a simple straight shoulder length hair cut like the female on tv. I went gag. What? You were asking me such nonsensical question? I replied didn't you have such hairstyle before? He said he had but what about again. I actually wanted to reply him that he looks just fine with his current hairstyle. Why the change? I also wanted to shoot him to ask someone else or ask his hairdresser but I clammed up.

He seemed to be quite comfortable talking to me that he was now hugging like a bolster as he lied on the pillow, facing me, talking to me like how a couple having bed talk. Yea, that was what I felt.... Then he asked why was my sister single for a long time... I was really confused. But I answered diplomatically that she is now going steady with someone. He actually mumbled that he could not because he could not leave the house. Then he suddenly switched to why was I single for a long time.

I looked at him across from my bed in silence. I did not know what to answer, but as if I could feel his feelings, and I feel sorry for him because no matter how much he yearns for a life partner, I am not the one he is looking for. Even if I said yes because I am a great fan of him, he will definitely feel it is not the love he is looking for from the relationship. We will be good friends who are connected in spirit. We are never meant to be lovers.

And later... I realised his former group member mates were also in the dormitory and I just missed them coming out from the toilet!


And they just finished showering!

Anyways, it was a sad dream. I think I have to control my dreams as I think I am entering people's consciousness. I think why I dreamed of him is because one of his besties left the entertainmeng agency that he is affiliated with yesterday. It must be a shock to him.

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