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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2017:

1. Angelopolis - Danielle Trussoni
2. The Magicians - Lev Grossman
3. The Magic Circle - Jenny Davidson
4. Memories - Lang Leav
Whose innerself?
Tuesday. 3.4.14 5:36 am
He is the third Japanese celebrity that I dreamed of.

We both were lying down on a single bed in a dormitory like. In front of us was a tv. There was a third female person in the room with us and she was lying on his bed end. The earlier part was a little fuzzy but I think she and I were talking something which I exhibited my maturity. That's because he suddenly said he could then asked me for advise. I looked at him with a puzzle look because I did not realise he was listening to our conversation. He suddenly asked what do I think of him having a simple straight shoulder length hair cut like the female on tv. I went gag. What? You were asking me such nonsensical question? I replied didn't you have such hairstyle before? He said he had but what about again. I actually wanted to reply him that he looks just fine with his current hairstyle. Why the change? I also wanted to shoot him to ask someone else or ask his hairdresser but I clammed up.

He seemed to be quite comfortable talking to me that he was now hugging like a bolster as he lied on the pillow, facing me, talking to me like how a couple having bed talk. Yea, that was what I felt.... Then he asked why was my sister single for a long time... I was really confused. But I answered diplomatically that she is now going steady with someone. He actually mumbled that he could not because he could not leave the house. Then he suddenly switched to why was I single for a long time.

I looked at him across from my bed in silence. I did not know what to answer, but as if I could feel his feelings, and I feel sorry for him because no matter how much he yearns for a life partner, I am not the one he is looking for. Even if I said yes because I am a great fan of him, he will definitely feel it is not the love he is looking for from the relationship. We will be good friends who are connected in spirit. We are never meant to be lovers.

And later... I realised his former group member mates were also in the dormitory and I just missed them coming out from the toilet!

*GASP*

And they just finished showering!

Anyways, it was a sad dream. I think I have to control my dreams as I think I am entering people's consciousness. I think why I dreamed of him is because one of his besties left the entertainmeng agency that he is affiliated with yesterday. It must be a shock to him.

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Security
Thursday. 2.27.14 6:55 pm
I remember asking around my friends if they are interested to take up some part time jobs when I have a bunch in my hand, and all of them decline with the excuses busy here and there.

And recently one of them came up to me and asked if I knew any. He simply explained that he now has another mouth to feed so hence the need of extra money.

Why after not before having a baby? He again explained he was busy making baby. My god. It's the other way round, honey.

By the way, I don't really like people declining my offers without having the courtesy to reply me. And busy is not the appropriate reply. There are many jobs out there that are one-off. You have the right to be choosy but do not tell me you are busy making baby. I don't buy that..

Anyways, they will have their own way to get money...

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For ever!
Sunday. 2.23.14 7:22 pm
Wow!

I learnt that my collegemate from New Zealand just got married to her college sweetheart yesterday. They both are so sweet!

They are both Japanese but from different city and I knew a long time ago that she relocated herself to be near to her boyfriend.

I'm glad they are still together and now married!!!

I'm so happy for him and for her!

I think my college is a real love nest because it has already matched so many couples!!!

We should really have a reunion. It will be so cool to everyone with their little versions. I truly miss my college life. Some of them may not play an important role, but I was glad to have met them.

I am for what I am today...

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Postcard
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I think this is a nice sentence to be written by a couple:

"Let's learn together to love and be loved."

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Caught in a moment
Monday, February 17, 2014
Someone asked me why I never had a boyfriend as of to date. Actually I didn't know how to answer on the spot. I was caught on the spot. I think I answered stupidly and nervously...

But after much thoughts after that conversation, I reflected for the whole night and realised it's because whenever I looked for a relationship, my heart always says wait, wait a little longer. Although I have lots of proposal, some of these nice guys turned out not what they are. I saw their true colours every time I almost gave in to their persistence, and I have to thank myself for being patient. I have to thank my heart.

And so now I was wondering did my patience pay off? I think so. I think I'm more mature now but still very blur when someone mentioned something about relationship. I think the person who asked me that question knows that very well. I didn't change from the first time you asked me in 2011. Haha. That's so renaye.

renaye - mental note: CHILL.

I think also my parents marital status influenced my thinking a lot on relationship. No doubt I said I don't wanna married or I wanna be alone. But that does not mean I mean it. I'm flexible. If I found the right person, I don't mind giving up being alone. But I know mainly that I have happiness within me. Hence, I don't need my partner to give me happiness. In fact, I will contribute this happiness to the relationship. That is what relationship is about - creating happiness together, not relying a battery to do so.

I want a happy relationship that is full of laughter and joy. I didn't really bother to look for relationship because I was waiting. Waiting for the one to come my door step because I am lazy to hunt. Waiting to see if my faith proves me wrongly.

For all these years, my heart keeps saying no but now it has finally says yes. Most probably I have disinfect my parent's woes off my system that I'm trying to learn to love and be loved.

Recently, in a meditation, I had a message. It was short and confusing. They are Love him & Love her. It took me days to understand it. A way to heal two emotionally-scared people is to learn to love each other.

Good things will come to people who wait. hmm..

I read somewhere on FB that it is easy to say I love you, but it is not when comes to waiting and being patience. True love is about being patient and never stop loving the person during the waiting period. It makes sense. Of course, don't let her/his hair turn white la.

I hope the person will appreciate my patience and my nonsensical topics. Aww... I will try to be a better listener...

Happy day, humans!

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Smiley
Sunday. 2.16.14 7:30 pm
Aww... I'm the lucky girl to receive this!



I hope this won't be the last gift!

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