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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 201:

1. Angelopolis - Danielle Trussoni
2. The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Eid Aidilfitri
Thursday. 7.16.15 11:43 pm
It's the Eid Aidilfitri celebration and I am not invited to any open house this year?!

This is bad. I usually have invitations to open house but this year is ZERO! Did people not having open house due to the higher standard of living? Yea, I understand. I only have some meagre money to survive until next payday which is like 10 days away.

Gulp. I wonder how is everyone else's doing. Especially the ones with family. If a single girl like me can barely survive until the next payday... imagine those with kids. And what's worse... it's the Muslim's new year. People would want to spend on new clothes and what not for the new year.

What's life if we can't live freely?

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin, nonetheless.

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Soppy good characters vs bloodthirst
Wednesday. 7.8.15 9:47 am
Ok. Do you guys like reading books... manga or watching anime?

If yes, you may understand how I feel, because this post is going to be a rant.

I suddenly got hooked to a Korean manhwa. Drawing is quite pleasant to my eyes so is the plot to my brain.

But one thing just got to stop.

Attention to character builders.

STOP HAVING A WEAK AND INNOCENT AND DUMB FEMALE OR MALE CHARACTER. There is no such thing purely as such mentioned character is able to survive a streak of malice challenges with a streak of luck.

Get real. There are times such described people need to evolve to survive.

It's like I am watching Cruel Romance or some drama where suddenly an extremely poor girl bumps into not one but four handsome and filthy rich guys. Err... if she walked into some high-end party, yes that's highly possible. But just one the street? And out of the blue?

That doesn't reflect reality because being a pretty girl for over XX years, I have never had such luck in bumping into not even one rich guys. I do have such friends but they are not as kind as what the drama, manga, anime portray.

I think I just want to see some realistic characteristics instead of some simple minded people. I am aware there are some people like that in the world. But I could not relate to those characters... I think that's why there's a genre called FANTASY. All those dumb and innocent characters perhaps should be stored in fantasy genre for they rarely exist.

Ugh. I can write my own story, but why am I not? Coz I am lazy and tired. I don't mind telling someone the storyline but not to write or draw.

Ok. Ranting is up. I need to take action. I need to complete my crazy story on Nanowrimo.

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Not so cruel romance
Thursday. 6.25.15 9:18 am
My family and I are chasing a mainland drama called Cruel Romance. We didn't watch it from the first episodes but we got hooked by the following series. And I was itchy...

I read the whole spoilers.

And I found some parts were touching that I feel like hugging someone and just cry off whatever is tugging in my heart.

And.. why some parts have to be so predictable? Sigh...

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A close range beep
Saturday. 6.20.15 10:16 pm
Ok. I accidentally played this Japanese drama on youtube while I was searching for some Japanese songs.

Ok. That drama has my favourite cool looking actor: Yamashita Tomohisa. Ok. And so I continued playing it la...

And then... I realised why those Japanese love to have those forbidden love. The title of the drama is above and of course I censored the last word: Love.

This drama is about the English homeroom teacher giving extra English classes to a female prodigy. And then the love blooms..

The actions the teacher took were like.... very... misunderstanding.

I cannot continue watching it because we predictably know what's going to happen next...

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Deadline, enough!
Sunday. 6.14.15 11:36 am
I am working on my last assignment for the semester. My coursemate has kindly requested for an extension and we were granted.

But I am extremely pissed off here. I work my ass here to finish the assignment on time because the deadline is tomorrow and my coursemates were telling me that they are not submitting because they are 'confused' and don't know what to do with the assignment.

You started the fcuking assignment late, you do not demand for addition deadline! I have given you a sample of the assignment of how it should be done. There is no excuse that you are confused! You didn't even share your sources with me!

What do I do now? This is simply injustice!

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Reduction
Thursday, June 4, 2015
This reduction is not about my size it's about my self-worth.

As you all know, I am back to studying a paper on research and methodology as preparation or insight to doing thesis at Masters or PhD level. Because I enrolled in a business school, my topic has to be associated with business theory in which my ex-colleague helped me to design it in a way.

My supervisor never meant to take me in but because he was talked into doing so by this ex-colleague that I felt recently he didn't want to see me nor take the initiative to reply my email.

Yesterday was the deadline for my research proposal. I gave the crappy draft 5 days ago, which I had signposted earlier with a SOS email that I think my research intro and objectives are wrong, so please go through. The reply I got back was 'I don't know what kind of help do you need." After hearing that, I decided not to pursue because I think he meant is 'give me your whole draft so I know what's about.' And so... I have been trying to chase him about the draft... and I mentioned the deadline in the email. And yesterday, he said he got no freaking idea the deadline was yesterday.

I was very unhappy after seeing him. I understand he was giving me constructive feedback, but I was not there to be reduced to tears, to be reduced self-worthless. All those hard work I put in in terms of the sleep reduction and my medical bills are gone to waste when he said my work is crap. Wait, he said "What the hell?!" Yup, that was the expression. I understand I have given him crappy work, but hey, I am here to learn not to be reduced to tears. I can always do that when I see my own bank account.

I am currently learning about value co-creation. What I am seeing here is a co-defective relationship that is heading the path to co-destruction.

Talking to the program director is also something I don't fancy for everyone in my school seems to be cold and emotionless. I don't expect people to be like me: Crazy and funny, but I expected some emotions when come talking to me. Can you imagine my supervisor said "I don't want to know about your personal issues?" when I told him I am anaemic and I get sick often but I am trying my best to complete those assignment.

The whole scene begs the question: Why do I subject myself to such torment? All I want is to learn in the name of knowledge pursuit. Not to be scolded "What the hell?!" at 0730. He complained I dropped by at 0730 always, but it's because he didn't reply my email for appointment. And I am proactive type.

So what do I do next? Do I continue or give up? My background is politics and I am trying to conceptualise a topic with a business theory. And it seems I am not grasping it because I don't feel the connection. Like right now, I don't feel like doing the assignment.

If I gave up, where can I do similar program? None. It's solely offered in my university. I am stuck. I need to reassess my goals.

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