Speak to My Finger

I think I would be a happier person if I am dead. Maybe that person would be my mother not me. I really feel like throwing everything surrounding me. I really want to try throwing out my mother's things from her cupboard. It must be so relieving. Because that was what she like to do to me when I was younger whenever I said some facts about her. I hope everyone like me dies before her so she can be a happier person.

I am tired of this conversation with my friend. I have said three times to date about having planning in detail as opposed to none. I have enough of listening of various reasons like my dressing, my shoe, my pose for not getting the photo that I don't know what the end result is to begin with. All I know is these are my resources and I will make do with them on the spot. Otherwise I imagine the result that I want that I plan ahead of my dressing. I have scouted on those online shopping platform but some of the materials are horrible and so were the feedback. I don't want to hear 'buy those cheap ones from China and just wear once for IG." It's my money so it's my management plan. I may have to go on a hermit traveling just for photography.

My sis bought so many collagen products and yet she once said she has no money to contribute to the house coffer. And she doesn't do any housework chores regularly and I didn't heal completely to be called off as healthy and yet I am contributing to the house and chores and my medical bills. She is definitely going to stay young at the expense of my youth and health. Why is God so unfair? She prays like crazy daily and God still treats her so kind. Yea... she is the apple of my mother's eye. Because of this I don't want to hangout with my mother anymore. I feel so stupid for being nice when my sis doesn't give a damn about her and yet she sticks to her like a moth to light. Very toxic family.

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