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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
The last laughter
Monday, January 9, 2012

In the evening of 4 December 2011 ...

Vietnam is the PY's last destination and also for our contingent performance. The head of culture decided to merge Indian and Chinese dance together when initially it is supposed to be stand alone. Majority of my team members were involved in this performance and we decided to give all out, to make this the most memorable performance... the most memorable indeed.

Although I performed Chinese fan dance, I was told to wear to Punjabi suit. The funniest thing is I have unloaded my Punjabi suit in Malaysia, and I need to borrow a set from my cabin mate. Luckily I bought Punjabi suits for my cabin mates. Phew~ If not, I will have to wear my modern Kebaya top, which I don't fancy.

The Chinese dancers watched over our team members dancing the Indian dance. They were full with smiles and joy, and we finally danced like there's no tomorrow. And we, at backstage, sang along with the song chorus. We just love doing it - to mock I guess. HAHA.

The girls awaited our cue for the Chinese dance, meanwhile the guys were already on stage. Because we need to wait for one of the Indian dance member to join us. The stage is huge! I had to run fast to my position. And my scarf is annoying! I was so worried it got hook on my fan. And just dance as graceful as I can (which I know it is not since my hands are stiff!)

I don't really know the plan the head of culture stored for this performance. I only know the scanty details, which is a few team members will also be joining us at the ending.

And so ... the Chinese music faded out.

I was in my closing position, waiting for the cue to disperse, but no cue? I stood there for ever frozen with a smile. Everyone beside me was also not moving an inch.

I was relieved to hear the cue. I shut my fans and walked out quickly, followed by a chorus of laughter till we were to decrease our volume. I have the faintest idea what happened. But they were just too busy laughing to tell me. I was just simply happy to see them frolicking.

I finally found out what happened. My team members were supposed to pop some graffiti behind the performers, but it was an epic failure, because they could not, or rather don't know how to release it. Later, the owner of the poppers tried it out, and POP! the graffiti was shot into the air where we were sitting. Not wanting any of it to reach me, I quickly fanned it away. BWAHAHAH.

It IS no doubt the most memorable performance for us. We were glad to have such an epic performance to store in our memory, and to end our last performance ...

Spinoff: It is extremely hilarious! But I don't know why I could not bring myself to laugh like usual. I could only afford a smile. It's more than one month now, and I still could not figure out why. Maybe I was trying to warm myself up to the truth that my holiday is going to end ...

I think the truth is I was trying to record my feelings. Because the stark truth is I will forget what I have seen and experienced, and the only thing I can only bring with me is the feelings I was having at that moment. And sometimes, I don't even remember what feelings I had at that point of time ...

I didn't realised I was blocking my friend on stage until I saw this photo. I have mentioned many times to the guys behind me to advise on my closing position, but they never did. They assured me they will find space for themselves. And this is the result. Anyways... they will have something to share with their kids in the future!

Oh by the way, I gave away my instant noodles to a friend. It's amazing that I broke my record of not consuming instant noodles for almost one year.

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Moon light
Monday, January 9, 2012
yellow moon
behind the threatening clouds
reminds me of someone

P.S: Coincidentally my friend posted this: You Can Try To Hide Your Feeling To keep Yourself Controlled..But Somehow You Can't Deny What's Deep Inside Your Soul. What do you think of that statement?

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Sunday, January 8, 2012
I finally found her!

I was extremely sad when I lose her email address especially I could not keep to my promise that I will email her once I return to Malaysia safely. I must have disappoint her ... I did email her but to her old email despite knowing she has changed her email add. But I have tried my best to hunt her down via facebook. Maybe I should have just send her a postcard to my organisation centre in New Zealand. I should have done it earlier!

Our last moment together is eating gelato watching over the sea before chanting together. We were sitting there under the sun exchanging life stories. We were close. And I promised to email her. Yea ... that is only 7 years later...

I didn't see this coming because while I was praying to God just now, I was actually thinking if only I could talk to BB and her husband about my predicament now. If only I could really talk to them ... I really want to know what wisdom they would share with me. I really miss talking to them. In retrospect, I was really fortunate to have so many people supporting me in Wellington.

If only I can meet amazing people like them here. But I guess there is a reason why I found MP! Please remember me darling! You promise to visit me in Kuala Lumpur!!

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I want it la~
Saturday, January 7, 2012
On 11 December 2011 ...

Today's pre-Christmas theme is something long.

I sighed. I was indecisive. Many questions were running in my mind. I have given a facial mask yesterday. What would he think of the gifts? Weird? Fear of receiving today's gift? Or ... plain silly?

I consulted my cabin mate for some advise. I have actually bought an item for today's theme, but I thought of switching to something else ... to something more normal. After a long consultation session, she assured me that the gift idea is normal. She in fact encouraged me to proceed with the item. With the assurance, my confidence returned. So I typed:

Something long will find you!

and dropped the message into the mailbox in the afternoon.

I looked at the comb longingly as I wanted to keep it for myself since I like the buttercups print on it. I battled with myself for a moment to not change my mind - again, and quickly wrap it with recycled papers from the printing room.

I then approached a mutual friend to help me pass the gift after dinner. I was still battling with myself, but it was a battle of not laughing out loud in front of the PYs!

Spinoff: renaye did it ... AGAIN! It seems renaye never learn the lesson to be a normal person. After yesterday, I felt regret kinda lingered in me ... Maybe I should not have given the mask? What the hell was I thinking in the first place?!

That explained why I asked my cabin mate for a second opinion, because I really thought of changing from comb to Oreo biscuits since the receiver seems to be always asking me for food. But somehow I was glad that my cabin mate was supportive of my idea in giving the comb. Personally, I love buying gifts for people, but I don't work well with themes, because I felt trapped with choices. Therefore, I had a hard time in deciding the items especially when the gender is unknown. Each item I decide must be useful for all genders.

The idea of giving comb came during my homestay in Vietnam. I remember sitting akimbo on the bed, thinking very loudly what to buy, for while my eyes were surveying my new environment to catch some idea, I saw a toothbrush in a box in front of me. I suddenly exploded "OMG I know what to buy!" to my homestay buddy who was sitting beside me. She cast about a curious look and I said "Toothbrush will suit the theme!". Haha. The first reply she bombed me was "WHAT?!" and a seriatim of justification that it is a bad idea, or rather an explanation why I'm crazy. At that moment, I was adamant in buying toothbrush until it strike me that I don't know the preferable brush size. Then I moved on to toothpaste ... (in the background my homestay buddy continued calling me insane) but it is still not a good idea since it will add weight to the luggage. Moreover, there is a chance the receiver will discard it if she/he dislike the taste. Headache came again ... and then BINGO. I will settle for a comb, a long long comb. (and yes, she was still barking how crazy I were, HAHA).

The comb I envisioned was plain - no print whatsoever to suit all genders. However, it's on the contrary when I visited the local supermarket. The combs I found were all so adorable! And there were no combs for guys! Only for girls! Another round for headache. I stood in front of the comb column and took for ever to choose one that is the closest to 'genderless' and suits my preference. So in the end, I settled for a brown buttercup comb. My homestay buddy was speechless when she saw me paying for the comb, and asked me for the last time if I were sure of it. I simply grinned and replied "Yea?".

So.. it's actually a surprise to see myself flickering between the comb and oreo, for I always make decision after taking into account all factors. I guess I was feeling guilty of giving the facial mask. But if I were to switch to oreo, I would seriously feel I am undermining myself; I would be untrue to myself; I might even somewhat feel regret... But somehow I wanted that comb for myself too! Tsk tsk .. renaye already has 3 combs ...

I was really glad when my cabin mate supported my comb idea. In fact, she said why stop being funny? (Since I was brave in giving something funny in the first place).

Yea... so why should I stop being myself? (after considering the comb is harmless... In fact, it might be a good thing to spoil myself with thunderous laughter).

The fourth present is up to us decide because it is the final gift! Hmm.. check out the next post for my final gift!

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Friday, January 6, 2012
On 10 December 2011...

Today's pre-Christmas theme is something soft.

I looked into my food storage box, and my eyes met with a box of chocolate cakes. Its red glossy wrapper stared back at me. I sighed. The cake is supposed to be given as today's gift, but I have to improvise my plan now, for the receiver's mailbox is too small for the cake, and the words "Buatan Malaysia" (Products made in Malaysia) will give away my identity.

I craned my neck over the messy coffee table to look for the next best alternative item. What else do I possess that is soft? I wade through my stuff: papers, food, stickers, paper cup, locks, and more food. The dark blue bundle at the corner of my table caught my eye and my fingers ran through the packet, and a smile grew on my face ...

In the afternoon ...

After my presentation on stage (refer to Kicking A**), I rushed to the computer room to type a message to accompany the gift. I typed:

Something soft?

Check out under your room door.

I grabbed a few pieces of recycled paper as wrapper. I was about to leave ... but I froze on the spot realising he may have never seen such item. So my eyes averted back to the laptop and I typed:

Facial mask


1. Please ask for instructions during Christmas party.

I then ran to my room for the clock in my mobile phone indicated the club activity is going to end soon. I quickly wrapped and labeled the gift and slid it under the door before running back to the presentation venue. I breathed in relief to found the activity has not ended and no one was aware of my disappearance.

As everyone - so was the receiver - was glued to the presentation, I took that opportunity to drop the message in the receiver's mailbox...

Spinoff: Yes. I. Did. It. I used my sponsor's facial mask as the gift for that theme. And. Yes. The receiver is a GUY.

Why a mask? It's because it was the only thing that I have in my room that is soft and warrant he won't be able identify his giver. It never come across to my mind what would his reaction be since I was so occupied with my own concern that I don't have a gift! Besides, I thought the gift would be very funny and memorable for him. See how thoughtful I were!

I told one of my cabin mates about this story, and we both ended up laughing and rolling on the floor. We dare not imagine how he'd reacted especially reading the instructions. I actually wanted to type out the instructions, but I'm never good in instructing (I had been deleting and retyping sentences on the laptop). I simply fear my instructions would confuse him instead. And... the waves were really rough. I was already developing prodromal symptoms of seasickness since I had been looking at the screen for a substantial amount of minutes. The lesson I learned on board is to never read and write when the sea is rough!

Seriously, I was burning with curiosity. I was dying to ask when I saw him the next day, but I had to refrain. I have to save it for the Christmas Party on the 12th of December. Ugh. How much I hated to torture myself! Who ask renaye to be funny and cheeky in the first place?! Served her right!


By the way, tembak means shoot in Malay. We use this word when we are telling others that we are trying our luck in choosing something or answering objective questions without considering much of the outcome.

Anyways, here is a picture of the mask I gave away. Maybe I should share this story with my sponsor too, for she was a participant of this program too. =)

Don't forget to check out what item I gave on the next day!

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Just for u~
Thursday, January 5, 2012
On 9 December 2011 ...

Ah... I thought to myself ... luckily I bought extra Malaysian pins when I was back in Malaysia on 28 November 2011, as they come in handy now since I have to prepare a pre-Christmas gift that suits today's theme: Something small. The blue Malaysian pin with KL tower in the background is really small... to fit in the receiver's mailbox...

I found a small plastic on my coffee table for the pin and hastily insert it in. I then tore a small piece of paper and was about to ink it, but my hand paused. I have written to the receiver before ... and writing with left hand is not a great idea for I worry the message will look like some kind of Halloween title instead. The only solution is to print the message to accompany the gift.

What message should I write? I kneeled in front of the computer and played with the keyboards... Suddenly ... an idea thundered! I shall play with punctuation marks! Thus I typed

Something small ...

with the pin clipped on the message.

I looked around and relieved for there were no one in the walkway. I walked up to his mailbox and placed the gift inside it at 11.40pm-ish, hoping he will not guess who the giver is ...

Spinoff: The first thought I had is ... AIYA .. why la didn't I get a girl to be my Christmas buddy. It would be so much easier for me to choose a gift! Don't you agree?!

However, the truth is I already knew it would be a guy ... in fact I even knew who it were!!! But as usual, I ignore the premonition... and continue wishing it would be a girl!

There was a voluntary Christmas gift exchange with themes that lasted for four days. I signed up just for the fun of it. I don't remember when I got the premonition, but most likely it would be during one of my reveries. When I found out it was a guy who know me ... I had a headache in preparing the gifts since my items will give out my identity! So do you wanna know what I have given him the next day? Check out the tembak! post then!

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