Books I have completed reading since January 2018:
1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Friends and Enemies
Akatsuki: Nightmares & Dreamscapes
-beats in my head-
Chika-Chin's Anime Mania!
empty white space
In My World
My Blah blah Bulogu
My Little World
Sdovelly~ c'est la vie
Serene's Silent Secrets
Shuffle and Repear
Tolanic's Travel Blog
Marriage is not all about Love
Friday, January 8, 2010
OK. I woke up one day after a few days of New Year, I realised I'm already older and my bank account has shrunk further than I have expected. And then suddenly myself said I'm screwed up. Never mind because it's never too late. So on a high energy level, I started off my day with enthusiasm to fix my bank account and hypnotize myself that I'm sweet 18 until....
My vocal teacher and I had dinner together last night. She looked like a zombie whose fun has grew out of attacking living beings. I almost could not recognise her. She just looked so much older than her age. During dinner, she told me that she has nothing to look forward to in 2010. She simply has lost inspiration to do anything, which explained her moodiness. I suggested her to read some romance books or sing more sad songs to listing her dreams in a book. She said these won't help. Looking at her so down, I shared with her that 2 days ago I told my Brazilian friend over MSN that I have no longer have joy in living. That's because every morning the first thing crosses my mind is MONEY. I hate to admit but the truth is I'm now a money slave. I work for money.
We continued eating.
Then she brought up the question: When is your turn to get married? I didn't choke on my food but irritated. I have been given lecture on marriage since Xmas 2009 till yesterday. My friends keep giving me tips on marriage, which simply is marry a rich man and learn the flirtatious personality of my very good friend. Why? Because the man's wealth will be shared with me. If that is the case, why am I reading a case of a royal family in Malaysia requesting his wife to return the money she borrowed through court? Never mind that. I just replied that I have not found happiness and I don't want to rely on the guy for happiness. Because it would be unfair. And I don't think I'm ready for marriage or even settling down.
And the most irritating statement of all: You are already 24-ish, and yet you are still nowhere; not even successful. Everything you do is incomplete. To be frank, I don't need to be reminded of my age and my status. My mind is pulled into somewhat depression because of the word SUCCESSFUL. My mother was the first person to throw that word to me and then my bosses and now my vocal teacher. I kept asking myself What is the meaning of being successful as I sat in the train for 40 minutes. To be precised: What is YOUR definition of successful? Would your definition be the same as mine? I wanted to tell her off to not cleanse my belief just because my way of thinking is different than the normal society thinking. A lecturer has even told me to stop being different from the others. Is that what you call critical thinking?
Actually who cares about success? Actually what is success? There are some singers who are very successful but they don't have much money in their bank account (yes I do know who). Does successful mean you need to be a director of a company and your name must be in every magazine? If yes so? At the end of the day, you will still go home and be yourself, and yet still feeling EMPTY. OK. Empty or not could be my assumption but my point is what is the meaning of success? This is what my friend wrote in an email:
What is the meaning of life?
For some it is a successful career.
But one day they have to retire,
For some it is to obtain lots of money,
But once he has amassed mountains - it becomes nothing more than dirt,
For some it is to continue his pursuits of knowledge,
But after he becomes a scholar - he soon starts to forgets,
For some it is to wield power,
But he will always be afraid it may be lost,
For some it is to be famous,
But he will desperately seek intervals of solitude,
For some is to seize the day,
But no matter how hard he tries - the day still leaves him,
For some it is to nurture his children,
But one day his children will no longer need him,
For some it is to fight for a right cause,
But some day his cause maybe replaced with a sense of self righteous,
For some it is to be a spiritual being,
But one day his spirit becomes self centred,
It is the unfortunate curse of being,
Sometimes delusions that would take us over,
Sometimes a cover-up we are unwilling to face,
It is the human 'being',
From 'not being' to 'no longer being',
No need for high ambitions,
For there is no ambition for a destiny known,
For there can be no new destination in a cycle,
There is no reason for planning for a result predetermined,
The answer is often near us,
As close as our veins that keeps us alive,
But we are unable to uncover its secrets,
To be quite - so as to listen to its melody,
To be calm - so as to feel its softness,
To be sensitive - so as to absorb its sweet aroma,
To be still - so as to see its beauty,
To be aware - so as to feel its presence,
To be content - so as to return to its being,
But alas we are too busy with our search for meanings,
Often not realizing it has always been with us.
I didn't reply anything to my teacher's statement because I want to be polite. So I kept quiet and smiled with a pain in the heart. Suddenly, she said 'You know marriage is also a success in terms of keeping your marriage together.' Huh?!! I continued to smile because still she doesn't get it: That is her definition of success. Just because I'm not married, don't go talking me into marrying one. Don't go asking me 'Don't you want to have someone in your life? ' Don't go asking me 'How come you are so abnormal for not wanting to be kissed?'
Simply put: I don't owe anyone any explanation except to my own sanity. Is success that important? What if I have become a director of an environmental NGO? You consider that as a success? OK. Fine. But you all will definitely criticize my NGO for not having any money! But you also labeled my position as a success! So... screw SUCCESS! And are you all blind to my diligence in being successful?!
In a workshop I attended in 2007, T. Harv Eker considered SUCCESS as things you have completed TODAY regardless of how unimportant or minuscule the task is. Don't be afraid to say it out because it is your success! This practice was very moral uplifting!
Why are we so afraid to be different from society?? I'm not gay and yet I have been labeled as Abnormal (not outcast - yet) by society. Don't you think there is something wrong with the society?
Screw success... Money is more important.
My success for yesterday: Sang Hot and Cold by Kate Perry with correct tune! Yes! So now I can go to Karaoke to show off!
Happy New Year!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I don't remember if I have ever share with you this story but I really like this poignant story I read somewhere in an otaku forum, which I don't frequent anymore. But I have googled my own blog and didn't find the desire post. So I guess I haven't.
It was a story written by a fellow otaku from that forum. It goes like this:
In a class of a high school, there was this boy who tries to sleep with every girl in his class.That is because he can since he is good looking and a sweet talker. He knows most girls will fall in love with him. Using this weakness off the girls, he managed to have sex with the girls. But he could never understand why his courting skills could never win the heart of a particular classmate. The reason he gave to his guyfriends that she was just too plain looking to his taste, therefore, he is not interested. However, the truth is, she resisted his charm no matter how sweet his talks were. He thought he could win her over before graduation but he never did. And it went down in his history that she was the only girl he never succeeded to sleep with.
Many years passed after graduation and he totally has forgotten about this girl. Until one day, he bumped into his old schoolmate and they relished over the good times back in high school. He suddenly remembered about that girl. So he asked. The friend was shocked that he still remember her, maybe because she was the only that resisted his charm! The friend informed him that she died a few days after graduation because of an illness. Later, he learned that the girl was born with AIDS, and her only wish was to graduate from school.
Sorry ... I don't remember what was his reactions in the story. That was all I could remember.
His reactions would be left to your imagination!
Monday, December 28, 2009
I can't believe my friend, SozzySoran, coloured my toothless Naruto and gave the ninja a hair extension! Thank you!
Xmas is over!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Christmas is gone in a blink of an eye!! Have you all had a good Christmas celebration?? Received lots of presents? Eat lots of turkeys?? I hope you all had a good Christmas celebration.
But speaking of Christmas, I had a quiet celebration with watching anime on laptop. Astro sucks: they played old and repetitive movies on Christmas. Not forgivable. I had ... fried rice at a nearby restaurant because need to go home early for the Chinese drama! Haha.
But speaking of Christmas, I'm astounded to the amount of money spent by the Aussies on Christmas presents. Read this article: Aussie say 'no thanks' to 20 million Xmas gifts. It's just crazy to see how much people would spend on Xmas presents. With this amount of money, poor people can live for another few more days. The worse thing is people have been buying useless and not practical gifts for the receivers. According to the article, people bought turkey for vegetarians, dog bowls for not-dog-owner and others. Seems to me that these people are just buying for the sake of buying or because the things were on sale. Where is the spirit of Christmas??
I agree that it is not easy to buy gifts for someone but it doesn't mean getting not practical gifts could get you away from 'hey I have given you a gift, period.' What is the point of giving a gift knowing that gift is not useful to the person? Because at the end, the person will just discard the gift in the dustbin and then ... because of you, there is an increase of junk in the dumping land... and there is a possibility the item you throw away is not biodegradable or recyclable. If this 10 million worth of presents are not biodegradable, what do you think they will become? Good answer if you say these things can be donated! But do you know that charity bodies throw away unpractical things donated to them? They even recycle books. So do you think you can pass on your unusable items to your next door?
My point is what a waste of time, energy and money to spend on these Christmas presents. Please think carefully of the items you are about to buy for yourself and other people. Please don't buy something because you NEED to. Another way to reduce waste is to ask the person what he or she wants.
Please remember your action has effects on other living things.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Meoooooowing Xmas humans!!
Hope you all have a nice holiday and good dreams (for me).
And Happy New Year!
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