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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Crossroad meowing
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I want to continue masters. And my friend has found me a supervisor for my masters. And yet I don't know what topic I want to do. The chief concern is I want to study something that I feel comfortable in because specialising in a field is like marrying a person for life. And I definitely want to do something that is close to my heart. I don't really remember my aspiration for environment. I only know I wanted to be in the environmental field especially going into jungle and such. But after studying environment in college, I realised staying in the jungle without showering for a day haunts me. So I decided not to go into the conservation work on the field. That's also because I feel everything is controlled by the policymakers or rather politicians.

I was chanting to God this morning and I had hints on covering sustainable development. And I felt like I really can have the same title as my degree thesis in comparing public participation in developing and developed nations. It's really a broad area so I really need to do a lot of homework.

I also felt that I have to study 3 things to arrive at my path. I don't know. I just feel that way. But at the moment, I just need to pray to God - like there's no tomorrow - so I won't take the wrong turn in life.

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Meow back!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
This is one of the longest time I didn't update my blog. Yes I know!

I was dead tired for the past few days so I didn't go online at night. I slept early or read a chic-lit called The Unfortunates Miss Fortunes but after finished reading the book I'm not too sure who IS the unfortunate one. HAHA.

And then I went yumcha with a friend until 3 am. I guess it's always wise to talk to someone older than ourself; I got some wisdom pieces from this friend though I had to wake up at 7.30 am for work the next day.

On 30 July, I had a hair cut. It was very short and my fringe is like a Chinese doll. Well, for some people, I might be called "tempurung" (coconut shell in Malay). Because my hair really looks like it!

And the next day, I joined my students to volunteer at a fundraising event. I had fun because all I did was EAT and made fun of my students! Nice!! Then I had dinner with students and played monopoly with them. Made me feel young again. Bonus nice!

And today meet up with Jolene in KLCC over a cup of coffee with her internet friend. And there I go again as a fortune teller. I so need the masters course so I can earn money from my fortune telling.

Watch out for more meowing!

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Ad hoc
Friday, July 23, 2010
Today was so ad hoc. I had lunch with two ex-collegemates and then I was supposed to go to the old city to get something from the pharmacy but my friends had plan to visit Royal Selangor because one of them is from Taiwan. And so I joined them to the factory and then my friend invited me to his house for dinner! Aha! Good on me!

When we went to the house, I was shocked that they eat so little for dinner. Now I'm pretty scared to tell people that my meals are like comprised of 2 people's share. Oops. I guess I better keep this as a secret.

But I really enjoyed my day today. Coz I never know when I would have the chance again to have such leisure time with friends... And I'm thankful that I had a great day today ...

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Meow watcher
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Stupid cat. Scare the shit out of me on 18 July 2010 at 11 pm.

I came out from the bathroom and saw a shadow staring at me at my house entrance. The house door was open too. The shadow didn't move and it was looking at me calmly. And I was shocked and scared so I shouted at my mum "Mummy, what's that???!!!while pointing to the shadow. My mum who was engrossed watching the Korean drama jumped up from her seat and looked where I was pointing. Then I realised it was my neighbour's cat sitting gently at the corner of my door. And I ran to it. I actually wanted to pat the cat!! But instead I frightened the cat and it ran back to the house. I missed my chance to pat!!!!

Well, the cat is extremely snobbish. It won't come near you and acts like a real princess. The owner makes it worse that no one is allowed to carry the cat. So my mum and I were shocked to see the princess came over to the house and watched us in silence.

That cat must be enjoying herself watching us in silence. That princess.

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Future payment
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I chatted with a long lost friend from France. I didn't know she is having depression and now attending psychiatrist sessions. She recommended me to take Prozac since I'm also in sort of depression. But I'm just afraid I will be addicted to it. Ha!

Anyways, she was telling me to go and relax and find happiness in every small thing I do or just do silly things like walking on the white lines on the road - of course I have to watch out for cars and python... don't know why recently the firemen here have been catching a lot of pythons. And etc.

To be frank, I do do things to relax myself like spending time over a book at Starbucks or some cafe in the mall before heading home. But I want a permanent relaxation even at home. Home is a place where you can rest, but if your home doesn't have that comfy ambience, you won't want to go home. Instead, it will be a dreadful task to just go home. I feel that way when my father is around. I just don't want to go home. The cheery feeling I have turns into a dreadful anxiety and teary. I can hear myself screaming.

But that's not the main topic for this entry. I was just thinking of money and happiness. To find happiness in small things ... makes me think which option is better (or not).

a) Save up the money for bigger activity like traveling and spend none on 'luxuries' like going to Starbuck or have a fine dining meal once in a while.

b) Every now and then spend on luxury items like Coffee Bean coffee and at the same time save up the money.

c) Just spend it all or save it up all for retirement. No fun activities whatsoever.

I was thinking hard over this because option a and b seems so impossible in Malaysia. Everything here has gone up in prices especially necessity items - sugar price has just gone up from RM 0.60 to over RM 1.00 per kg (correct me if I'm wrong) - and our salary has not risen in years. Workers in McDonald are earning like RM4.50 per hour. Even fresh grad is earning like RM1800 per month. Is that enough? No. It is not.

If you get to save for your traveling activities, then you won't get to save for your retirement. It's an opportunity cost and neither is relieving at all. Because our purchasing power has shrunk, the money we save for retirement may not even be enough despite having a mandatory retirement fund: EPF. The EPF money seems to be a lot in a pool but once spending it ... it's just so insufficient unless you stay in rural areas and give up on all luxuries. It would be best to camp in a forest to enjoy the nature luxury if there is any forest still left when we retired.

This is heartbreaking. This is a torn in between situation. Do you just give up your luxuries for your future knowing it's not a guarantee that you will have a better future?

I find this very heartbreaking. And oh, I'm doing option b. I don't see why I can't enjoy life NOW when I work damn hard to earn the money and yes I still save. But recently I have been spending quite a lot on items I know I should not indulge. But as I said, why save all when you don't allow yourself to enjoy at the very moment? Because it is not every time you have a moment like this to enjoy life.

My investment manager is so gonna scream at me if she reads this post because she simply doesn't agree but I'm better than her daughter in spending wisely. At least I learn financial matters on my own when the daughter doesn't even need to worry about money when her parents are already millionaires.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My colleague and I looked at each other. He sees the past in me. I see the future in him. Before I continue, I'm not talking about love issue, I'm talking about life here.

I shared with him that I have lots of ideas to sell but I don't know how to market the products should I make or the idea alone.

He said he used to have that spirit -like me- when he was my age.

I asked what happened.

He said he had no time, or rather I sensed the word 'give up', to work on his ideas. And he added it is better to just get a job and work, and not to worry about how to market a product.

I looked at him and fear for my future. I asked myself what if I ended up like him? I'm trying my best to earn extra at this age and what if I end up like him though I have tried my very best? Do I just give up or just get a job and live a life in dreams until the day I die?

He looked at - not me -his breakfast, which he shared a curry puff with me. And continued eating. I looked at him and fear for my future, very much.

I don't want to end up like him. I have the time but I don't know how to market a product. What should I do next?

a) karate-shop the colleague till his wife can't recognise him.
b) continue to share my ideas but not executing it.
c) long live my meowing dreams.
d) be optimistic - but it's so tiring.
e) get a rich husband that will die the next day.
f) die early.

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