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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Nightmare is finally over (completed - may request pw)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Nightmare, again, again
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I'm not sure how many nightmares god is wanting me to endure, but I'm going to have another nightmare from 15 to 18 April. I will be going for some youth camp, and my friend who has participated in the camp reported the hostel doesn't have air conditioner (no big deal) and the toilets were damn dirty, so were the beds. Her friends got bed bugs, and no one there seemed to care. She encouraged me to bring my own pillow case and bed sheet. I'm bringing the former, but not the latter. And I think I'm going to buy a sleeping bag whence I return from this camp. That is if I survive the camp. I didn't sleep well the whole night fearing the level of dirtiness of the hostel, and the gruesome activities I have to endure, and how much I hate public speaking and performing in public, and that is what I must do when I'm in the camp.

Ugh. Cross finger, my stomach will be good and not giving me any stomachache problems because I don't want to use the toilets in the dome!

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One in a million offer!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
What does it mean when someone says you are one in a million? But I'm replacing you to offer, because that is what I got. An offer that is one in a million being offered to me last week. I went gag, but I turned it down flat.

Last week, I catch up with a friend who I don't know very well; I only know he is a very important person in the society. As we settled into our seats, he suddenly told me about his children's love life, and then suddenly he was telling me how his son is single and how is wife is already nagging him for not getting a partner. And then suddenly he asked me if I will be interested in his son, because he and his wife don't mind the son gets a wife from another race and religion. I was kinda dumbstruck. But I turned down because I mind changing my religion, though I could not believe a girl's dream to marry a tycoon just landed on my plate, and I tossed it away in a blink of my eye. And I said to the tycoon in front of me that I prefer to hunt the money with my own two hands rather than getting married a man who has multiply millions of exotic currency in his account. I don't know if that would be a dumb or a smart alek answer.

But I didn't feel any tinge of regret awakening in me when I said that. But I seriously need to know what I really want to do in live. And I don't like people saying I'm only a 'talkshop'.

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Dreaming girls
Friday, April 1, 2011
I like Morning Musume group from Japan, and they have a funny rotating system among the members. Almost every year, some of the members will 'graduate' from the group, which means leaving the group in a nicer word. Owing to this system, you can imagine how many girl members have graduated from this group. From my observation, these former members never gained the limelight again they enjoyed after embarking as a soloist in the entertainment industry in the land of the rising sun. And to me, no matter what they do, where they go, they will always be known as the former member of morning musume. It doesn't matter if they change their name to a much more sexy stage name, they would not be able to shake off their former image. It must be frustrating for them.

And maybe due to frustration and to survive the harsh entertainment industry, these former members formed a new group called Dreaming Morning Musume. And they sing the songs, which they have sang during their years as Morning Musume members.

I thought that was suffocating though I cannot deny these members are good in dancing and singing, but I was just thinking if only thye could sing new fresh songs instead of resinging songs. I prefer originality. And it seems like they'd never moved on in life. Past is past. Just move on and do something more original... That would be an ultimate challenge.

Don't know. I'm not their manager. But this is what I thought. Let other morning musume members found this entry, they may either:

a) drop me some messages or
b) increase the number of blog readers and give me more ads.

HA! That's about it.

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Friday, March 25, 2011
I received a dinner invitation very late today, and I was contemplating whether to go or not since this friend had said something that ticked me off last Sunday. But it wasn't my decision to make because he also invited my other friend, who happens to be my driver too. So I asked her and she said yes and we went.

We both were quite reluctant to go because we know this friend would be calling his other business friends, and we somehow afraid we will be feeling small in the circle of new acquaintance despite being told our mutual friend would be there too. That didn't offer us any comfort. What actually made us accepted the invitation? Don't know. I guess we did it on impulse.

We reached the restaurant and found we were quite early, but our host's friends were already there. So we just joined them and they seem to be secretive because they kept on saying tonight's meeting is supposed to be a surprised. So we talked on other things especially on things that my friend aka host kept secret from us. I found out some interesting tidbits about him, and it made me go wow.

But I think the true wow factor was when the friend came with a high profile friend. To be frank, I don't know who he is, but he has a honorific title and the way he talked showed he is not anybody but somebody in the society. And he sat right beside me. I was on the panic alert, but somehow I calmed myself. What was there to panic when I walked with and managed all kinds of people with my working experience? The panic attack surfaced because my inner self feel I don't deserve to sit beside such a high profile person. But you know what... I got tired and I just told myself screw it.

We had great food served for dinner and later we had durian feast for dessert!!!Truly a highlight of the outing! Though my friend and I felt we were in a different world on the same table with those high profile people, we somehow enjoyed the desserts. It was brought by one of the host's friends who produced those food for export. It was truly a luck for us to taste the wonderful dessert.

I somehow strike an intelligent conversation with the high profile person beside me by asking questions that made him talked about himself. There are a lot of things I wanted to ask him, but I dare not, because he is privy on certain topics of his life. And no information online can be found about him. And yet such a high profile and humble person who doesn't mind sitting next to a green horn. Two in fact.

I don't really know what I gained from tonight's dinner apart from the extra fat from the dessert, but one thing I know is I really admire these people's courage and wit in doing business. Truly amazing.

I hope I have the same courage as them. And the high profile person beside me simply advised me "Believe in yourself." It somehow stirred a feeling in me to practice my singing despite the uproar I get from home.

To conclude this entry, I would like to thank god for two things:

1) let me meet these people though I don't gain anything from them except for their contacts; and

2) let me be 56kg despite eating lots of craps and cheese the whole last few weeks.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I just signed up with squidoo yesterday and I somehow find it not user friendly given I'm not IT savvy, and I can't find what I want in the FAQ. I want to add more entries on the page, but I could not find any tutorial that teaches me how to move around the modules. I truly feel trapped and frustrated, even more so today when I came to office and check on my new squidoo page, my pictures were gone. Extremely disappointed.

Squidoo is something like a blog that enables you to earn. From the testimonials, many people earn a lot of from there, but I don't see how I'm going to earn.

Oh well, if you wanna see how my new site looks like, feel free to bomb Daily whimsical of my life. I thought I had a perfect title, but I'm perfectly shot down with the frustration.

Anyone else using squidoo?

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