Saturday. 1.31.09 12:27 am
Today I was walking the dog, and I decided I knew what I would post about today.
Nope! Forgot it. Seems like it was rather a self loathing kind of thing...maybe I'm just not in the mood right now. It'll come.
But now I sleep because I value my rest more than usual.
Tuesday. 1.27.09 10:40 pm
good night Puerto Rican
Good night, kitchen appliance.
Yeah, we're buds.
So that's what it's like!
Sunday. 1.25.09 3:13 pm
Last night I learned and understood what it's like to be insane. I was talking to Katie at about 12:30, as usual, and I could not stay focused. It was terrible; every other thing we said would set off a "day dream" in my head. This is kind of the process I undergo under normal circumstances anyway, where I process what someone's saying and think of a response. But it usually doesn't get away from me, so to speak...and after I came out of it I could never remember how I'd planned on responding, or even what she'd said to begin with. It's as if laying in bed starts my brain to shutting down, even without my consent. I guess that's a good thing, since that's what I've taught it to do (I used to have real trouble settling down and going to sleep). But it was interesting to experience what it's like trying to fight it.
After I got off the phone, I was still in the mindset of trying to fight it, actually. I kept settling into scenes and ideas but shaking myself out of them because I thought I was still on the phone. It was weird. It's like part of my mind was suspicious of the other. Reality didn't mean much at that point, because I could hardly tell what was more real. Crazy stuff. I mean, I read about that kind of stuff all the time, but it's an entirely different thing to EXPERIENCE it.
I wonder why we doubt other people's experiences so much compared to our own. Say my friend tells me about his skydiving fun. He tells me how exciting it was, about the adrenaline rush, the wind in his face, the feeling of weightlessness...you hear about that kind of stuff all the time. But doing it yourself makes your understanding infinitely better. You didn't just hear about it or see it, you experienced it. And you'll know how your friend felt when you just cannot communicate the experience, how you're stuck with words or pictures, and it's simply not enough. People understand it in their head, but it isn't a part of them yet. Sometimes we don't even know we were missing out on that level of understanding until we suddenly understand with our entire being.
That's one of the things they tell us to be wary of in church. There are people who've gone to church their entire lives, and they think that makes them OK. And they don't realize that they're just window shopping, really. They never experience anything, and they never know any better. Or even worse, they experience God one time and they think that's it. They don't move anywhere with it. It's like if I got a cake, looked at it, and thought, "This cake looks pretty nice." But I never thought to eat a piece. Or, I eventually decide to eat a piece but don't think about the rest of the cake.
There's always more cake to be had; have it!
What a lovely tangent. I think I had a plan for this, but now I don't know what it was.
I should be reading my history book. Later!
He saves children, but not the british children.
Saturday. 1.24.09 8:45 am
12 stories high, made of radiation...
Haha. That video is terrible.
"He once held is opponent's wife's hand
in a jar of acid
at a party."
Stuff is weird, and I have a game in an hour.
Then we shall see what happens. Well, I will. You'll just read about it.
Sorry, that's "his opponent's wife's hand". Thank you, randomjunk.
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