Broken Hearted Soul
Saturday. 12.11.10 2:49 pm
Broken Hearted Soul, by Ra. A relatively new artist for me, but one that I'm beginning to like very much. This song especially has a mix of desperate romanticism and rockin' music that I tend to obsess over.
(As you can tell, it's been a while since I've written a paper)
Also, I've just noticed that several of my songs from this list are down, due to broken links. Kind of ruins the whole point for me, but it's OK I guess. Not much I can do about it unless I upload the songs myself, which I'd rather not do...
In other news! I've had a series of...very interesting dreams lately. Last night I sort of had to operate on my right leg because it got messed up (forget how). It was suspiciously robotic on the inside. I kept worrying that I was contaminating the exposed flesh. Eventually I just snapped it back together (yes, snapped) and walked it off or something. Eh.
A few nights ago, I dreamed that my brother was killed somehow. It was one of those rare dreams of mine that's somewhat realistic, in that the person who died was a real person and I was pretty upset about it. So that was weird.
It must have been right after my last post that I had a dream that was socially oriented. It was my "ideal" bad situaiton, where a bunch of girls that have no business snooping around in my life were trying to play Matchmaker with me. They were being all coy and friendly with me, but the whole time I knew what they wanted. Eventually one sits next to me and is like, "I know there's something going on with you and Liz. You two should get together." At that point my dream-self was pretty peeved and basically responded, "Like Hell."
Last night I was up late at a school-wide party. They opened up the high-dives. I've been thinking lately that I might have an irrational fear after all: heights. I was thinking this because several times I can remember noticing how high up I am and freaking out a bit. I wasn't sure because sometimes heights don't bother me, and of course there's my constant wish to go skydiving with friends. BUT, knowing me, it's totally believable that I would be afraid of something and still want to do it, just to push myself. And now I am convinced this is an accurate assumption because of last night.
I went off the high-dives. I worked my way up from 1 meter to 3, 5, 7, and finally 10 meters. I started getting nervous at about 5 meters, and after that it just got worse. At 10 I was freaking out a bit. But I did it! I jumped 32 feet into a pool. The worst thing that happened was I flooded my sinuses with the water driven up my nose. That was uncomfortable.
But if I remember correctly, I did the same thing at Clemson a few years ago. Didn't I even try to flip? I know I got edgy back then, but apparently not enough to stop me from diving head first, among other things. So has it gotten worse for me? That's weird.
So I'm wondering now if I pinched a nerve or something because my left arm has these weird pains that sort of move around. Hard to describe.
Anyway, this has been great, but I'm really hungry. Time for food!
Honor Thy Father
Tuesday. 12.7.10 11:50 pm
Nothing to report except that I am still equal parts awesome and terrible. I'm a different kind of average, baby.
And I miss my friends very badly. Christmas break is so close!
I am way too excited for it to be almost midnight and to have my lab report yet unbegun. And I'm tired too, so it'll be a long night.
Excited and tired.
Getting Photoshop for Christmas. So I can burn some of my time being creative instead of just loafing about. Also I will be able to burn some of it on the Wii that I'm bringing to school after the break.
I think part of me wants to date and part of me doesn't. Which is good, I guess. Better than just mindlessly wanting to date. I have a sort of balance, though sometimes if comes off as more of an internal conflict. I've probably bruised some feelings in the past year or so.
I always feel bad about that, even though I'm as much at a loss as to what happened as the girl is. Girls are. Whatever.
THIS is why I miss my friends so bad. I need some platonic intimacy.
SPEAKING OF WHICH HEY KATIE
I added randomjunk on facebook. Pretty much made my day because I finally learned her first name.
SuZZ is on Skype. I called her because I HAVEN'T IN A WHILE even though I have that lab report. Of course, she put me on hold because she had a previous Skype date.
"[11:36:34 PM] Katie: :D
[11:36:44 PM] Katie: But shouldn't YOU be asleep?
[11:37:02 PM] Steve: Tuesday Nights.
[11:37:07 PM] Katie: ummm?
[11:37:17 PM] Steve: fully of procrastination, debauchery, and lab reports.
[11:37:21 PM] Katie: ...
[11:37:29 PM] Steve: and typos
[11:37:30 PM] Katie: How quaint."
I will be in town for my birthday! The first time in several years. Huzzah. Usually I'm in Maryland, which is nice, but not really appropriate for this year. This year I want to be home.
I'm going to stop now. Long week. Toodles, guys.
Tuesday. 11.30.10 10:45 pm
It's crazy! I see ONE cute girl on a bus and all of a sudden they start popping up all over the place. Sheesh.
I am doing sub-par in my classes. It's official: my first semester is going to be a major let-down for my mom. What's really frustrating is that there is this girl that I was semi-interested in, and she's completely trashing my grades. She HATES Computer Science class and she complains about it all the time, then goes and gets a 96 on a test.
I got a 78. Does she know the material better than I? Certainly not. She spends half her week getting help from the teacher assistants. Let's look at what I got off:
4 points for an extra comma by accident
8 points from when I thought I found an error in the sample code and changed two answers to "Error". Turns out that in that specific context the technicality does not, in fact, return an error. I had the right answers before I changed them. Technically my fault, but supremely suspicious regarding the test makers.
4 points that I totally deserved to lose
6 more points for trying something I didn't fully understand (I guess I deserve half of that, but the other half was just a consequence of the first half being wrong).
I guess they're more interested in grading people based on their typing prowess than on understanding. And trick questions are friggin' lame. Bah and Humbug. What's weird is that I'm the one who always runs into trouble on the homework assignments, while most people seem to completely miss the trouble. One time they gave us the wrong source image, and I was one of the only people who noticed it because I'm one of the only ones who downloads the homework in a zip file instead individually (they didn't update the zip file's data).
I also am falling behind in Calc and Chem. Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no idea what's going on. It's a very hopeless feeling. This week has been better, but I'm still playing Catch Up for a test tomorrow.
I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on work long enough to study or practice, and sometimes I even have trouble buckling down to do graded work. I'm super inefficient, and partially apathetic.
To top it off I am surrounded by people who are driven, effecient, and just generally hard-working. I feel like trash.
Obviously, I haven't really found my niche here at Tech. I don't have the network that I had at home; all I have is some friends and my computer. It's the only way for me to stay connected with the people I REALLY talk to.
I've taken up journaling again in an attempt to curb my random outbursts, since they aren't appreciated here, and give me a way to vent since it's harder for me to vent to my friends. It seems to be working so far, when I actually think to write stuff down. The biggest problem is my fear that people are reading over my shoulder, especially if I'm venting. ESPECIALLY if I'm venting about them. Ha.
OK, tangent time. I am somewhat peeved that some of the people here ignore my comments. It's perfectly understandable if they don't want to read/feedback on my blog, but is it so crazy an idea that one replies to a comment? Obviously sometimes we all say things that just don't warrant a reply, but it seems if I say something disagreeable people just tend to ignore it. Like they're being mature by avoiding conflict. You know how you keep the peace in those situations? Say that you're not interested in the discussion. Don't just leave the comment hanging in space. I've been dealing with the cold shoulder in various situations for months now, and I'm just tired of it. Just 'cause you're on the internet doesn't mean you just snub people for whatever reason.
This runs into the feelings of frustration that come from being looked down upon by my peers here at Tech, as well. My roommate is a partial offender in that sense. I'm too laid back for these people. And there are definitely not enough available, promising girls. :P
Welllllll I'm going to try and get a lot of work done now...catch ya'll later.
"New" take on Christmas
Sunday. 11.21.10 4:12 pm
(What's with the blank gap at the end?)
Obviously this is coming from a religious background, but it's a message I think most people agree with.
I'm glad that this idea is actually getting some work done.
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