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Sunday. 4.14.13 9:33 pm
My eyes used to have a slight green tinge (they're mostly brown) that seemed to be getting more pronounced. Now I think they're reverting to their normal brown. Sort of disappointing.

-checks mirror-

No, I'm wrong, they're...maybe even more green? I am pleased.

I finally have an almost fully functional Ubuntu installation on my machine. Stupid headphone jack still doesn't work. UGH

I'm honestly worried about getting a job this summer. I wanted to be a lifeguard again but the jokers over-filled their staff and now I'm having trouble getting the certification worked out, since apparently they stopped giving out cards last time I took the class.

The class costs 135 dollars, by the way. Obnoxious.

I was thinking about looking into a more serious job instead of life guarding (yeah, I know,) but I don't want to get into anything too meaningful when I'll just be coming back for research here at Tech in the Fall.

Feeling sort of randomly-emotional right now, fighting the urge to strike up conversation with any of the girls I've been hanging out with recently. Also fighting the urge to compulsively pull up Facebook


I have an idea or two.

HEY that long post is finally pushed off my first page. Huzzah.

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Tuesday. 4.2.13 12:23 am
Busy Steve.

I wish I'd put in more time to update as things were happening. Now I will be forced to be brief.

Spring break was supposed to be boring. Instead of going home or visiting another university, I stuck around in the apartment. I didn't think anyone would be around. But I ended up visiting some more local friends, spending a day in Cornelia, and eventually I went down to Auburn for the weekend. About a dozen of us in Atlanta wanted to encourage the Auburn/Tuskegee church and hang around and stuff. It was great fun! We shared our faith with random people on the street Friday night, which was pretty interesting (you meet the neatest people!).

On Saturday, a smaller contingency of us drove over to Tuskegee to meet with some of the disciples there. I wasn't aware that it was a historically black school. The whole time I was there, I was one of three white guys...and the other two were guys who came with us. At one point, we decided we'd hop into a "Chat n' Chew," which is basically a party where the various women running for Miss Tuskegee politic and give you food and stuff. I've never been so thoroughly the minority before. There are plenty of times when I'll realize that I'm in a group with no other white peeps, or even a whole room, but this was like high-school prom. It was very jarring for about five minutes before I got used to it.

There was dancing. I danced. I'm not a particularly great dancer, mind you, but at one point my friend Ajax and I were doing the electric slide by ourselves. Like a boss?

I've taken so long to write this that I'm exhausted now. More later.

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Sorry, guys
Friday. 3.22.13 12:45 am
Every time I think about what happened and how things are now, I feel terrible. I wish that I could apologize, and when I remember that I already have, I just feel crummier.

And then it hit me. I'd never seen any sort of forgiveness. Maybe it was supposed to be implied, but I'd never been released from my guilt. I felt a little better after that realization, because now I consciously understand that there's nothing more for me to worry about; all I need to do is wait and see if she forgives me. In the meantime, I need not prostrate myself and make an awkward situation even worse for everyone. Honestly, it probably wasn't even worth the trouble I've already raised for it.

vague post is vague

Tomorrow I'm driving over to Auburn for the weekend. Gonna encourage the church! Hang out, get into some bible studies and help where I can. Then it's back home for school.

Waiting on this guy to upload a fixed build for my phone. The last one broke bluetooth and I'm too stubborn to roll back to the previous build...he said he'd push it out a week or two ago but he's been having trouble at home and I think he broke his computer today so...yeah. It's OK since I only ever use bluetooth in my car, and rarely.

Looked for some good free sci-fi books today. Couldn't find any that aren't already on my list.

I feel like I have this poetic matter rising up in me but I don't know how to work with it. I don't have a specific subject or image, just a feeling. And flashes of light.

Tell me what you think. Not about what I just said, but just in general.

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Careful now
Thursday. 3.14.13 4:06 pm
So I've been messaging one of the females (girl? woman? She refuses to tell me her age) from that facebook scuffle last week. She isn't the friendliest person I've met, but we've had a pretty neat conversation about belief and the existence of God. It was sort of weird: I basically messaged her and said, "Hey, you want to talk about it?" And for some reason she's put up with me, even though she's pretty brusque about it. Right now we're talking about whether God would be able to interact with the universe (or "magic" as she refers to it). She agrees there COULD be a god (though only on the technicality of proof) but seems completely put off by the idea of that god being able to do anything else. I think that's an odd constraint to make. What do you guys think? IF there was a god that created the universe (not necessarily the God of the bible, mind you,) would you expect for it to interact with the universe or not? Why do you think that? As of yet I haven't been able to get a "why" out of her. You gave me such good answers last time, and it may be that I'm just misunderstanding her.

Paradigms are very interesting. Your paradigm affects your entire point of view in the world. Sometimes it's more subtle than others, but I think most people don't notice. She and I will never understand each other if we start off by making different assumptions. It always comes back to your most basic assumption. What is it? That the world exists? That you exist? I think in those two cases we can't help but make those assumptions, since the other options don't give us much to work with. But it's always fun to think about where the others come from, and how they affect my actions subconsciously.

Spring break is coming up soon. I think I'm just going to stay here in ATL and chill with friends. Maybe take a short trip down to the church in Auburn and say hey. I wish more was going on.

I've been listening to more music like this the past couple of days. Copeland, Paper Route, Walk the Moon. It's nice.

The St. Baldrick's shaving party is today. You can still donate, if you like! I'd definitely appreciate it, and it goes to a great cause.

Tonight I will be bald. I'm...sort of anxious? It's pretty weird.

There's a tad more I want to say but I don't recall it at the moment, so I'll get back to this electrodynamics. Later.

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