Thursday. 7.28.11 9:23 pm
Yes, I'm still irritated by this whole ordeal. Seeing their cutesy pictures together on facebook is actually making me slightly sick. I'll never listen to It Makes Me Ill the same way again.
Bad joke. >.>
Honestly, though, besides the sense of betrayal, guilt, self-depreciation, rage, anxiety, restlessness, loneliness, frustration, self-doubt, etc. (all in varying degrees; mostly mild) this hasn't been such a bad situation to be in. I certainly won't be taking companionship for granted anytime soon. My appreciation for restless wanderings at night have also increased, and I have started a chain of events that will hopefully lead to the revival of my bicycle and some sweet night-riding. A few nights ago, I was tossing-and-turning, and I was even, gasp, inspired with a bit of words. Far too trite to consider writing down (and I was far too sleepy), but still. That never happens!
You know I've never ridden my bike outside of my neighborhood? I'm nearly twenty years old. That's ridiculous! The first thing I'll do is ride down to my old elementary school. I've already gone there by foot, so it follows that I should continue my expeditions. Who knows what my come next?
Today's my dad's birthday. Rather, it would be.
A few nights ago I was lamenting the fact that my childhood bathrobe is so small on me when my mom went and dug out my father's old robe for me. It fits pretty well, although I think the sleeves are a bit short. And knowing my dad, it WOULD be a white robe with vertical cherry-red stripes. Hahahaha it looks so dumb...but it sort of looks good.
So anyway, I'm sitting in my room, sprawled around on the bed, wearing this goofy robe, sulking about girls, probably recording Glitch Mob, and suddenly it struck me that it was Just One Of Those Nights. It really is a cursed shame that I'm not a movie or TV show or something. Heh.
I suppose it's a good thing that I have a perverse sense of humor. Things are better when they're funny. Still, it surprised me how much I laughed when it occurred to me that He and She are not likely to get along very well. Sort of a cruel pleasure.
...of course, I thought the same thing about the last Him and the last girl...it just strikes me that they have very different sets of values. Very different. She and I are pretty different too, I guess, but at least our priorities line up. So it will be interesting to see how completely I am proven wrong in the months to come. teehee
Well I think that's all the moping I'll do here tonight. I ate a big dinner with Mum but I still feel sort of sick in the tummy. Stupid pictures. -.-
Drink The Sea
Thursday. 7.21.11 9:23 pm
Over the past few days my demeanor and understanding of both the outside forces and my own part in the situation have both changed a good deal. I've gone from being angry at the friend to being upset with the girl. I will not get into details because it's complicated and I'm trying to eat my dinner here. Haha.
Yesterday, I was having a discussion with the friend concerning her behavior. He sides with her, saying she had every right to act as she did. I disagreed, and I found his excuses and reasons to be more and more infuriating. At one point we just broke it off.
I couldn't sleep.
After tossing and turning, watching my breathing, trying to clear my mind, searching my room for a lost puzzle, and various other tactics to distract myself, I finally jumped out of bed around 3, stalked downstairs, filled a mug with milk, microwaved it, and took it outside. It wasn't until I tried to admire the moon that I realized that I didn't have my glasses, or until I sat on the cold metal chair that I realized that I'd come outside naked. I'm far too comfortable without clothes on.
Point is, I haven't had to warm up milk in YEARS. It was kind of nice. I sat around for a while before I thought of what havoc the mosquitoes were wreaking on my exposed flesh and went back in. Then I grabbed my laptop and watched Team America until I fell asleep.
I'm happy to say that I feel almost no inclination to finish the "film". The same goes for the last movie that I fell asleep to: Talladega Nights. Ugh.
One thing that I realized really bothers me: When people say "It was meant to happen." They say that and just use it as a catch-all for ugly situations they don't want to think about. That is not a reason or excuse for anything! It isn't that I disagree with the statement itself. It just seems awfully redundant. Obviously "it" was meant to happen, or it wouldn't have! I told him, "Yes, it was meant to happen. And my angry and hurt response was also meant to happen." Gosh, I just want to punt people sometimes.
Something I realized moments ago as I was writing this was that, in food, the interplay between temperatures is as pleasing as that between taste or texture. It's sort of neat to have cold noodles at the bottom of the bowl, so you can mix them with the hot stuff on top. Unless they're all cold. Bleh.
The moral of the story:
Sunday. 7.17.11 4:50 pm
I need to stop pussy-footing around and just ACT next time. Also maybe keep my dating pool in another city and just...away.
In today's news, things are playing out exactly as last time, and at this point all I have to do is sit back and watch to see if it follows through.
And, yes, I am being purposefully vague.
Do Not Trust
Friday. 7.15.11 10:09 pm
Sometimes I simply cannot believe the gall of the people that I name my friends. Anyone who reads this blog consistently knows well enough that I have been...uncomfortable with dating in the past few years. It just hasn't been happening.
I'm literally JUST getting comfortable with a girl, sort of getting back into the swing of things, and my FRIEND decides that I'm taking too long and takes matters into his own hands, so to say. Completely behind my back. And not even for the first time.
Words cannot convey how infuriated I am. No matter what happens, I will never give him this chance again. It's not like he does anything good with it anyway. Usually I want to wait to see how these things play out before I'd post about it, but I really just had to vent this time.
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