if everyday started with someone bringin me bagels and letting me take awesome photos of her, id be a much happire person in the morning. alas, just today. hah. lauren came over (yes, with bagels) and we shot a bunch of images for her "phillys hottest flyers fan" entry for preston and steve. we got some wonderful images!

after that i set to prepare for tonight and pack for next week. usually i have the experience of going "i know i OWN that shirt....i just havent seen it in a while" especially when said shirt is black. today somehow i knew exactly where to find it! i figured i was on a roll at that point (yes, a roll after one) and decided to once more look for my disney ring. now, i dropped this ring back in june or so. right after we moved in. it disappeared. i looked under books, under my desk, behind my desk, in the vacuum cleaner, in the crate i use for printer paper, even in the wheels and cushion of my chair! today i decided to take out the pendulum. i generally use it as more of a guide for my emotions and thoughts, more of a therapy. not usually as lost and found services, but today i was desperate. chris and i are getting our picture taken tonight, and i REALLY wanted to wear my damned ring! so i sit beneath my desk, and starts to swing, so i ask "is it even still here?" (yes), "is it in the chair somewhere? (no) ,"is it behind my desk?" (no), is it in the crate? (no) but its still swinging between the chair and the crate so i decide its the crate (which ive moved and looked in and behind more times than i can count) finally i think to ask "is it UNDER the crate?" (YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!) so i tilt the crate and sweep my hand under it...low and behold, there's my ring! just waiting to be found!

so im very happy to have found my ring...
now if fed ex would come, our day would be complete!

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jennifer -- [noun]: A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

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the shitfest continues.
maybe god really does dislike a pottymouth.
maybe fates decided i need just a little more toughening up.
maybe im just a loser? ya thats it...

i quit vs today. that was the least of my troubles.
my sales sucked today.
i didnt get approved for financing on my camera, so even if i can afford film to shoot for the next couple weeks god knows when ill be able to get it processed...let alone all the jobs i STILL cant take because everyone wants digital, and the waste of goddamned time and money...nevermind...ill just shoot this one til it dies or i cant afford it anymore and then fuck it...it shouldnt be this hard...
theres more, but its really pointless....

anyone with credit wanna cosign me?

im goin to bed soon so i can forget today existed...

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so i noticed it today...the warm one minute cold the next hot fladh cold chill game...
winters coming.
for the most part, our apartment is ok except the bedroom...which is a frickin tundra!

today was a pretty good day.
it was a great day to just wander around center city.
got some great stuff for taras bachelorette party this weekend.
and a nice new cuddly sweater!

tomorrows a long day....but i get to sleep in wednesday, so its not too bad...
i might take the plunge tomorrow and get a dslr! (everyone send me good credit karma)

anywho...im gettin chilly and sleepy
gnight all!

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a year ago...i thought i was making the responsible decision. what was best for me. what was best for my family. my family. i gave up a chance at a career, benefits, and a decent, stable paycheck for something that wouldn't last another week. still, those dreams haunt me. i know it'll happen when it's meant to, and that's not what bothers me still. did i give up? was i looking for excuses? or was it just unlucky timing? i remember being too sick to stand. i remember the feeling like i was going to either die at work or leave. i remember the panic. and i remember the day they told me it was over. no more speculation. i couldnt have made it without chris, and i cant think of anyone id have rather had by my side. heh, maybe he wishes he hadnt had to witness my gross medical stuff, but im glad he was there. a year...we've gotten through so much, and i do think it's made us stronger. i feel like we can pull through anything now.

that being said...im gonna tackle sleep so i can try to be asleep before he goes to bed. i can sleep with the sinuses as long as im asleep first...goodnight all!

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a shitfest of a day...morning, work, work, home...
im goin to bed.

edit: sometimes my feelings come across as selfish, and ya, they do to me sometimes too heh. im sorry. he appears to brush things off so easily, or to give up. and this is one thing i REALLY dont want to see him let go. i guess i always figured it would be ok if someday i have to let go of my dream...as long as he were still doing it. hes got more talent anywy. :( im sorry baby.

i really was just trying to help...
and i really dislike dan...
not because hell probably get to sing and i never will...
but because the only time ive seen him he was an asshole...and he tried to dry hump me...but whatever...if chad says he was "excited"....whatever...im not gonna get into it here....its pointless...and ive done it enough....

all i ever asked for was a chance...

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