Guys just do it --Tell her you think she's amazing. Tell her why you think shes so amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her. Give her back rubs. Play football with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Jump on the bed with her. Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then KISS her. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Make up nicknames for each other. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her when she least expects it. When yOu fall in love with her, TELL HER!!!

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i cleaned my fuckin ass off today...seriously...but our apartment looks spectacular! all we have to do for thursday is the floors, and those can wait so they can sparkle! we got a bunch of wings from the new place on main st. they were awesome! ralph came over and hang out for a bit, and after the game we all went to party america to get plates and turkey-ish stuff for thursday. our apartment is going to look great! then we get to start on christmas! im excited that we get to decorate this year! last year we spent christmas eve at chris' mom's so there was no reason to really decorate anything. this year they're coming here. we get to get a tree and everything. anywho, once back here we wacthed a movie, and now chris is out picking up chad and getting pizza. heh sunday is no diet day.

so i've reached that age. the age where all my friends are getting engaged. today i heard about the 6th one in like a month. congrats guys! next year im gonna be a bridesmaid again the day before my bday...i really hope this isnt cursing me to be "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" cuz well...id like to get married before im 50...


*warning ranty section*
i realized today how much i actually dislike my job. now, i love the kids. i love photography. but i dont like people who assume because i work at the mall im either not a real photographer OR that it gives them the right to treat me like an idiot/slave/whatever. you know, im not selling you a shirt. im using skill, hard work, and creativity to take pictures of children youve already done something to upset. im sorry i can mindcontrol them, im sorry its your only day off, and im sorry "she's nevr like this", but im not a miracle worker....im also not a whipping girl, so dont make me the scapegoat to your shitty day. all this and i still do everything i can to make sure these kids have an enjoyable experience, that theyre happy to be there, and that i at least try to get them to smile. i feel like nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone there. my managers dont seem to have any faith in me, and honestly im starting to lose faith in myself. im tired of always struggling with it. not the job itself, just the fact that i cant please anyone, ever. ok...

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LOVE without COURAGE and WISDOM is sentimentality,
as with the ordinary church member.
COURAGE without LOVE and WISDOM is foolhardiness,
as with the ordinary soldier.
WISDOM without LOVE and COURAGE is cowardice,
as with the ordinary intellectual.
Therefore one with LOVE, COURAGE, and WISDOM
is one in a million who moves the world,
as with JESUS, BUDDHA, and GANDHI.
(Ammon Hennacy)

I like that piece...

anywho...work sucked but it was a short day. i didnt really mind. took the buses to king of prussia to meet up with chris so we could see "the nightmare before christmas" in 3d! he'd never seen it all the way through, so it was special! i love that movie! awesome! now, however, im very sleepy as ive been going since 8am...i get to get up at 745 to start it all over again tomorrow...gonna be a long haul tomorrow. gnight all!

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Invitation to a Beheading... by Vladimir Nobokov

This book is one of my favourites by Nobokov, and one I can sit and analyze over and over again. The firt time I read it was a few years ago on the plane to Oakland. Iread the whole thing...twice.

The main story is based around a convict sentenced to death. The only problem is that his jailors never tell him when he's to be executed. Instead they drag it on. He's given books, a friend to visit with, but he's never told when he's going to die; only that it could be that day or it could be years from then. In the end...he's set free. You see, the real punishment is always the anxiety over knowing something is going to happen. The event itself pales in comparison to waiting, to what we psyche ourselves into. It's the feelings of dread, the stress of wondering if each morning will be your last, and being forced to live everyday as if everything were normal. Everyone does this. I do, I know. It's human nature. Nothing's ever as bad as we imagine. Nothings ever as bad as constantly wondering how bad it will be or when.

The lesson....enjoy life. Live as if it may be today, but don't let it torture you.

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my gig today shooting the bris wasn't bad at all. i can honestly say i learned a lot. it was a really well performed ceremony, and the whole family was really nice. looks like i might have a recurring gig with them as the baby gets older.

from there i headed over to wissahickon for a nice walk. nothing clears my head, heart, and soul like a nice nature walk. i took some nice pictures, too! i hadn't shot any leaves this year yet, hah. honestly, i did have a really nice chance to think and re-center myself.

so now im home. we made some prep for thanksgiving since we'll have 6 people here at our apartment this year!
SO thats that...my tummy is giving me some issues today, so ill be eating light tonight. nonetheless, its dinnertime!

ps: anyone who catches the allusion in my title, you get a gold star for the day!

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my grandfather gave me $1,000 so I could pay bills and still get christmas presents for people this year. I figured I'd use it to clear out a few of my lower owing credit cards. BUT with the recent happenings with our rent, the past due to cable because chad hasnt been giving us anything, and chris' phone usage charges, it's justa bout gone...so fuck it. i give up.

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