(his words not mine)

he's got a 4 days weekend (5 cuz we playes hookie) and what does he do? laundry and cooking so we have dinner for the next week (mmm homemade swedish meatballs and potato soup)...

man, what did i do to deserve that!?!

anywho..we spent new year's eve at ryan's uncle's making lots of loud noise. i've been in weird headspace for a few days, but i was able to jerk myself out of it for most of the night. i looked pretty cute too. ;) cold..but cute. it should be noted, however, that i would like a word or two of warning the next time i might find myself face to face with a skinned deer. all in all not a bad night. a little buzz, a couple bad games of pool, some couch cuddles, a kiss at midnight, a little craziness, hugs for too long from drunk people. yeah...happy new year!

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This year has been one of many changes..more than I imagined a year ago when we were sitting in the living room of the Lansdale apartment. This year I made and lost good friends, I moved, I returned to Southwest, I reconnected with old friends, and I met the man with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. Add in the fact that I've pursued a ton of new goals, lost some weight, gained some self esteem...I'd say 2007 was not such a bad trip. Yes, there were a lot of moments I wasn't sure I'd see 2008, or if I wanted to. There was the nightmarish move to Wissahickon, the car accident in June, and the loss of a few strong people in my life. I'd still say the good outweighs the bad, only if the end of it served as a jumping point to the next step. Even a bird needs a perch from which to push.

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so wow...it's been 2 months since i last updated...and what a holy terror of a 2 months it's been..let's see!

1. work has been kicking my ass and we're still $1000 behind because of a lot of ridiculous happenings. i'm ready to kill chad to sell his body parts for the money he's costing us. ryan's been helping where he can, but he's got his own back bills to pay before we can move in together in may. he's technically living with us now, and contributing more than ONE of the roomates is...but we've only got a few months to be ready for another moving experience.

2. thanksgiving was quiet, christmas was hectic. i worked for both, but we had an early christmas with the baby. i feel a little torn that he misses the baby so much when he's gone. i feel guilty that he's with me. i know i'm not the reason they're not together, but it's hard sometimes. i know once we have a different home we'll get him more often, but right now i know it kills ryan that we don't see him more. i framed him a couple pictures for christmas, and i know he appreciated it.

3. i'm going to chicago next weekend to see my godson!

4. my bunny had 2 trips to the hospital with what was finally diagnosed as a congenital heart condition. i worry for her a lot. i love her to death, and i don't know what i'd do if anything happened to her. shes my parallel, my guide, my support, and my therapy. shes my girl. we went to see her last night, and she looks a lot better. i feel bad for losing touch with her for almost a year, and i feel grateful that i'm getting a chance now to reconnect. she held me close and hugged me tight last night, and it felt like all was right in the world.

5. i get trained on my insulin pump on the 11th of january! i've been trying to get this approved for years, and finally it's happening! i'm so excited. :) i think this will be the big step in getting my numbers under control. i can't wait! i want to be healthy again!

6. my dad was here for a few days...well i went to surprise him in california for a day (i love havin flight privs!) for his birthday, then a week later we met in pittsburgh for a steelers and a penguins game, THEN he came here for a quick overnight since we couldn't find him anywhere to stay in Philly. I missed my dad SO much! It was great to see him so much in a couple weeks. Hopefully I make it out there again soon, maybe next time with boys in tow.

7. which brings me to my HUGE news..well huge but still kinda quiet...Ryan and I handfasted ourselves the other night. Eventually we will have a traditional social event wedding, but this was a private intimate bonding between us and the higher powers. to family and most friends he's still just boyfriend..no ring, no fiancee...but we're now bound spiritually and unconditionally...it's an amazing feeling. honestly, the decision came easier than i'd imagined. he sprung it on me in the middle of other rites, and i didn't really have any hesitation. saturday we spent absolutely giggly. heh. i'm really excited about this new step in our journey. a year and a day. then...who knows?

ok back to work...it's good to be back!

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I started my weekend early. My blood sugars wouldn't stabilize and I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, so I took Wednesday off and tried to reorganize myself. Unfortunately, that was not to be. The day itself wasn't bad, and the night was pretty good. I auditioned for a band (who won't pick me up, but I had fun with it. I wasn't completely impressed by myself; I couldn't done a lot better, but I did alright.). We grabbed a couple movies (Death Proof and Planet Terror) to watch before sleep. Chris' girl was over, and I tried to make nice. I fell asleep about 5:30am. 7am I woke up outside, in my pajamas, in the wind and rain, crying. I don't know how I got out there, but the only reason I snapped out of it was Chris casually shouting from 10feet away, "you're gonna get sick." Now, I know he was occupied. I know he had company and whatever..but a pat on the shoulder and an "everything ok?" would've been greatly appreciated. Once I realized I was not in my warm bed as I'd expected to wake up I panicked for a minute before I dragged my half frozen self back inside. Luckily the bed was still warm and I was not a complete Jenncicle.

Thursday I slept off what I could manage, but I was still feeling a bit off when Friday morning rolled around and I had to drag myself up and out for a photo shoot with Evan. Still, it was a great shoot, and I've seen a couple of the images. They look awesome! Me stalking through an electric forest made of lamps!!! After the shoot I had my appointment with Dr. B which seemed to go pretty well. My tests all came back normal, which is good. She gave me a few instructions for my appointment today, and I was on my way to Ambler for Paul's Halloween party. For a while it didn't look like we were going to make it, but we did. That was when all Hell broke loose. Now, all I'd eaten that day was chicken nuggets wonton egg drop soup, and one reese's cup....all after 6pm. I had two drinks, and only one of them had any kind of potency to it. I don't really know what did it, but an hour after we got to the party I started to throw up. Ok, no big deal really. Been there done that. An hour later I'd changed my tune when I was still clutching the toilet like it had just proposed to me. Mike kept trying to dump water in me, and I just kept throwing it back up until someone actually needed the bathroom. It was then that I was scooped up and poured into Mike's car where I immediately fell asleep.

Despite all that I still managed to pick myself out of bed for my shoot with Meko Saturday morning. We didn't get too lost getting to Belle Meade, which is a surprise knowing how I navigate. The shoot itself went better than I possibly could've imagined. I'm VERY anxious to see those shots. So far I've seen two, and I love them both! On the way home we spotted a pumpkin patch, and while I really have no need for a pumpkin since I won't be home for Halloween, we still had to stop and look..and take pictures of course! Now, I hadn't really planned to still go to the meet and greet, but we did end up going. We even dressed Chad up and dragged him along. We got there, drank by the fire pit, I watched a few games of pool, and a few hours later we found ourselves at IHOP ordering more food than any of us could eat. By the time we got home I could barely keep my eyes open.

Yesterday we woke up close to noon. It was nice to be able to wake up somewhat naturally for once. No alarms, no deadlines. We headed out to Ryan's where I set him up a MySpace. Hah, welcome to conformity Ryan! We watched the Eagle's game and attempted to make dinner and brownies. No...we DID make dinner and brownies...the latter slightly after we scraped melted plastic out of the oven. Oops!

So then we get to this morning...I let Mowgli out and he disappears. Apparently the back gate is stuck open and no one told me. He's been missing for almost 2 hours, my hip hurts to severely to look for him anymore, and I have to go to my appointment at 1. I don't really know what to do. Wait and hope he comes back before he gets hit by a car or picked up somewhere? He doesn't have any tags on this collar. Please pray for his return? I miss him already.

I have to get goin to my appointment now...gods I hope this gets better.

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holy low blood sugar, batman! 33?!?!?!

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Thursday night was the night from 'ell. I got out early to make the trains home, and missed the second one because the train sat and extra 5 minutes. I waited at 30th street station for Chris to pick me up, since the money and time to get home would've been the same. There were a ton of people waiting, and I was freezing (I'd left my fleece at the gates but decided not to go back to make this train by 30seconds).

Yesterday was a lot better! I had m appointment with Colette, which was good. It's been a long time since I've seen a nutritionist who didn't just try to make me feel like a fat pig. She was really nice. I'm on my way to a pump! After that I hit the blood lab, Sephora (which just opened on Walnut St...man am I in trouble), then on to the costume store where our real adventure begins.

Ryan had told me he had a surprise for me, and when he showed up at the store he had mini-him in tow. I'd been having a shitty feeling day in general (for no good reason other than I'd been manic all night and hadn't slept much), so the addition of a munchkin to my day brightened it exponentially. I'd had my eye on a particular costume (the theme for Samhain Ball being pirates) but the site apparently only tells you whats available at the NY store...so they did'nt have it. I searched the whole damned store and couldn't even find a decent substitute. I was thoroughly disappointed. Then I saw one hanging about 10ft in the air on a mannequin. After being told a couple times they could not take it down, Ryan took a persuasive crack at it. It took half an hour for them to actually get it, but low and behold....it was mine! And it fit perfectly! Not to mention..it was a medium! I've never fit into a medium anything made to look sexy. It fit like a glove, and I absolutely loved it.

This adventure, however, had us running late. Quick drop off microRyan, and I get dressed/primped in the car so we could make it in time. I must say, I looked good. I looked good until after dinner when I looked very sick. Something spiked my blood sugars high enough for my meter to simply read "high". Eek! By the time we got home I was staggering. Everyone just assumed I was drunk, since I'd had a few and we'd been dancing etc. No, I was high blood sugar drunk. Ugh! Needless to say at this point it was a long, barely sleeping night. I'd wake up feel sick get water, pee, try to sleep....wash, rinse, repeat...all damned night.

Now I'm up at 8am after the world's coldest shower (it's gonna be a long winter if we can't have hot water for more tan 2 minutes at a time) waiting for Geoff et al to cart me off to the Renn Faire in Maryland. It'll be a good time, I'm sure. I'm still feeling a bit ickly, but I'll survive.

Welp, they seem to be approaching.....Time for me to take my leave....Thanks for listening.

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