man, so i just figured out why i havent been able to sign on for weeks. that means im back!

so things...wow things...this move has been a nightmare...if my finger weren't infected beyond bending (ouch) i would type it all just vent...but im sore, and this laptop annoys me...i should be nice since its a loaner from a friend...but goddamn.

i feel like ive been working/moving nonstop..no time for me...in between getting ready for the wedding im in this weekend...i wish chris were going with me...shit, i wish he were going anywhere with me...i wish i knew how to fight for someone, but i dont...

3 more days and i have 9 days off...granted itll be spent organizing this damned place and the wedding and such...but its not work...its 9 days i cant get my 3rd strike...then ill be nearly 2/3 there!

wish me luck til then guys...it wont be easy...good to see you all again...good to be back

Comment! (2) | Recommend! (1)

i spent 10 hours getting my new airport badge on my day off thursday...10 hours! unpaid. fuck. cost me $35. i got out about 11 with no idea where i was staying..and realized id left my work shoes at home..i had nothing but sandals with me luckily, there are people willing to help me not be a failure...and with no end of thanks to those people, not only did i make it home to get my shoes, but also to work friday morning. work the past couple days has kicked my arse royally...and tomorrow i work a double covering brian's shift...meh.

then comes moving days...wish us luck and keep us in your happy thoughts, please.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

so we hunkered down geoff's car and tried to move some shit yesterday... the floors still arent done, so we could only put stuff in the kitchen. we also had to rely on the guy being there because we don't have keys yet. we got an extremely late start, which meant we ony made 2 trips and got nowhere near enough moving done. gah! we also don't get to move saturday and sunday as the guys had planned...which means our last days to get in are tues and wed. geezus! i really can't wait until this is all done. i hate moving...especially when it's all up in the air and last minute. so that's where we are on that....kill me please?

what else went on this week? oh! my computer tried to kill itself, so im borrowing one.

i lost my airport badge on tuesday, which means i get to sit around all day today trying to get one. ugh!

man, it seems like ive been so busy and never home...why dont i ever have anything worthwhile to say?

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

it's been hitting me hard lately...missing us.
maybe its the moving..packing kinda feels like divorce...
maybe its never seeing each other...
maybe its the feeling that nothings changed except that we don't say "i love you" anymore...
how many times have i hugged him and not wanted to let go?
how many times have i WANTED to say i love you but been afraid of what he might not say back?
how many times have i brushed my lips across his shoulder and wanted them to stay there?

he seems to think ive moved on.
i told him a year ago there was no one on earth i wanted to be with but him...im still not ready to change that opinion.
i guess someday ill have to...

yesterday was the first time i let myself tear up.
its stress, mostly.
moving (oh my gods, weve got 10 days to move, pack, clean!), work, no sleep
it wears me down...
and i havent seen him in ANY form in weeks...
at lest stayin friends i imagined wed be able to hang out, see each other...not with these schedules...
i miss him. i miss us. fuck, i miss me.

Comment! (5) | Recommend!

barring any other unforseen problems, we HAVE the apartment. i'm turning in the security deposit tomorrow. after ALL that, i called him today and he went "so, can you voich for these guys? how reliable are they? you know you're going to be on this lease too; can you trust them?" MY GODS! why couldnt we have done that a week ago!?

other than that the word of the week has been work. work work work. not really CRAZY work, just work. i've been having really intense migraines, too, which hasnt made things any easier. i bought myself a couple books yesterday. they were a much needed gift from me. pay day is monday which means i can finish all the other things i needed to do this week. once we move i can start working a little more overtime to make up for being poor now.

i feel like theres always more i want to say...and i dont remember when im actually here. geoff might let me borrow his laptop...if i can get my old wireless card to work on it, maybe ill be able to update more than once a week again! i miss you all!

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

today is a hard day....for babies without mothers and mothers without babies...
i made it through work relatively well..didnt snap at anyone...
my grandma talked about making the cemetary rounds...she concluded with "they're still there"...id sure hope so.
2 weeks until we're homeless...*sigh* i don't know what to do...i feel like i've let them down.
works been work...lifes been par for the course.
somethin' has got to give soon...

happy mothers day, mommy...i miss you.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!