So a while ago I realized someone I love doesn't feel the same...that she never really has...it's a hard pill to swallow when someone who has called you her girlfriend doesn't even tell you she's notin love with you...you have to read about it elsewhere. In any case...she's still the mother of my goddaughter, and while I'm not sure we'll ever be as close as we used to be, I'd like to not lose a friend. Ryan says I need to just sever all ties, and he's probably right, but that's never been my style. I guess it's lead me to a lot of hurt, but if I followed that advice for everyone I've ever loved....I'd be out several friends. I don't know what I eally expect from her. I've always left the ball in her court, let her decide where we went with things...I've always been theone putting in the effort, and she's used to me rolling over for what she wants. It'll be interesting to see what happens when the patterns change and she's expected to put in some effort too. She's not the only one going through things, and for once she needs to realize that life isn't a valid excuse for treating people like shit.

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last night was a lot of fun...we went back to rich, jon, and kris' place and made some superdrinks. i felt a lot better than i had the previous night, so i was actually able to relax and have a little fun. drew was there, and it's always good to see him. we tried to hit up ac moore first, but they were closed due to a power outage. oops. despite all the drinking and craziness we still managed to get a full night's sleep AND my blood sugar's been good all morning. :) it should be a good day...and i finally get to make my lasagna tonight!

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We kidnapped Kristin (by kidnapped I mean she drove to our house and willingly helped us clear her a seat in the car) and drove out to the Celtic Fling, the first event of the year on the PA Ren Faire grounds. It was a gorgeous day aside from some light rain on the way up there, and I managed not to get sun burned! Kristin spent all her money, we did pretty well considering, and all in all a good day. It was great to be back where we met with the man I love. He kicked my ass in the fighting circle, as did the giant turkey leg I attempted to eat for dinner, but eh, you can't win em all. We really needed a day out to enjoy the weather and each other, and it was good to spend some just hangin' out time with Kristin without anything else to worry about. It made me anxious for opening day, and now I'm ready for faire season!!! This year we have plans for KC, MD, and PA at least a few times. Maybe for our anniversary! Damn, it feels good to be a Renny!

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First of all, I'm extremely sad to hear of George Carlin's passing. We had tickets to go see him in AC in July. He was one of both of our comedic idols, and we were stoked to be seeing him live. *sigh* Use all seven words in heaven, George.

Secondly, I no longer have a phone because I work with untrustworthy thieves. Someone stole it right off the breakroom table. This pisses me off to no avail. Do you think I won't SEE you using my phone? I have to call ATT&T today to report it stolen. I don't really have money for a new one, so for a while all my calls can be directed to Ryan's cell. If you don't have the number, email me.

I've broken out in a ridiculous rash of some sort all over my arms and legs. I'm going to have to see a dermatologist.

I'm on another superdouble....great.

On another note...I wuld like to thank everyone who kept me up way past my bedtime last night...and yes, this is sarcasm...I didn't even get to spend it being close to my husband because it put him in a worse mood than he already was in when we got home. Days with the baby are always bittersweet. It kills him to be away from him, it hurts him to have to fight and play games to see him because she can't just be an adult, and it crushes him to take him home because it could be another two or three months before she actually lets us see him again. It hurts me to see him this way. He loves that baby more than anything in the world, and it kills him to see what his son has to live with. I can only hope someday she sees how detrimental this is for the baby. For now we pick our battles. We make sure to treasure every moment we have with him and make sure he knows he's loved. Yesterday the baby and I took a nap, and he snuggled up with me on the giant bed and fell asleep. No, he's not my son, and it's never my goal to take over his mother's role...but I love that little boy to death, and I'd do anything for him. I'm rambling now because I'm running on less than 4 hours of sleep because of all this. The pills I'm taking are making me sick on top of it, and I've had a headache for 3 days.



Anywho...back to bagland...

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thursday on my way to my doctor appointment I stepped on a transparency someone had dropped on the sidewalk, fell flat on my face, and excoriated my knee. Who could've seen that coming? Later that night we were at a meeting with a wedding client and I stepped on a pen that had rolled under the table. Luckily I only fell into the chair. Yesterday I tripped overa chair at work, momentarily disappearing behind the counter, leaving a very confused passenger wondering where I'd gone. I ended that one rather artfully with a floor salute. Lastly, I slipped on a napkin walking through the gallery. This time I didn't fall on my butt..merely slid a couple feet and kept walking...

BTW, Happy Solstice! I'm at work, but go out and enjoy some sunshine for me!

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Last night turned into a good night. We didn't get a damned thing cleaned or put away, but we had a nice cozy night. Ryan got home from his interview and I was fast asleep, so he woke me up with cuddles and a turtle he'd found in the middle of the road! It was a pretty big turtle, but apparently either a figment of both our imaginations, magical, or the speediest turtle on the planet, bcause Ryan put him out in the backyard for five minutes and he vanished. We searched all over for that thing, and he was nowhere to be found! I was pretty sure Mowgli was going to find it and get his nose snapped off. We watched a little TV (TMNT movie), made dinner (mmm pork chops), and cuddled down with some tea. I've been having trouble sleeping and my back has been killing me, so Ryan made me tea with a Valerian, Chammomile, Catnip mix. Holy cow! It worked wonders. Unfortunatey, in the time it took the tea to take effect we had gotten a little more than cozy...if you've never had sex on muscle relaxers and sedatives it's an interesting experience...hah. I did, however, wake up feeling better than I have in weeks. I also woke up with less sleep than we'd originally anticipated. Had I been able to go to bed two hours earlier as we had planned, the tea would've had sufficient time to wear out of my system, but I hadn't...so I woke up slightly groggy. Somehow the alarm got set to the "radio" setting so I woke up at 4am to Marylin Manson being infuriatingly appropriate singing "Sweet dreams are made of this..who am I to disagree...." You bastard! Ryan sent me to work with a mug full of Yerba Mate and the remnants of the bag to squeeze a mug from on my break. Maybe by then I'll be awake. No WOP'ing today, but I've got the next 2 off before another superdouble on Saturday and (hopefully) getting the baby Sunday! Then we start all over again!

Flight boarding...back to work...

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