So I call out of work this morning from "insert expensive underwear store here" and I explain the usual...throwing up, dizzy, sick in general...and she goes "oh, you've got a hangover?" No, you stupid whore! I'm sick! So after she puts me on hold she tells me I need to find someone from the phone list to cover my shift or I'll be written up. Fine, write me up. I just got two more reasons to quit. Everyone told me how much of a retail challenge it was to work there. I can handle ther etail challenge, but I can't handle managers and sales leaders who make me feel like I'm inconveniencing them for even being there. Fuck it.

So on toip of this, there's another health issue and well...the game might possibly be rained out today...grah!

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So I had to go to the mall for 2 hours of training...as much as I tried to stay alert, it wasn't happening. Luckily I've already used that system and those cameras. Nothing really new to absorb..but it did cut a hole in my recovering. Meh. The bus ride home was the only one I've ever wished to end in a fiery crash. It was full of fuckin mallrats. Nothing makes me want to slit my wrists like being trapped in a tiny short bus with 20 teenagers. Had the ride not been short several of them would've either caught my ebola or my fist flying in fury. Eventually though, I did get home.

Tomorrows gonna be a fun day. We're goin to a Philles game! First one we've been to since we moved.

Anywho...for now I'm gonna relax a bit more then go to bed.

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i tried to nap...and failed miserably.
chris got home and we watched half of the island before we both felt exhausted...so we wandered off to bed...everytime i got really comfy id wake up, so i decided to come sit...that was 3 hours ago...he needs the sleep, btut he's gonna be a lil peeved when he realizes hes slept so far an hour past when he wanted to get up...ive been trying to waste time so maybe i can nap too...id love to be in there cuddled up and sleeping..but im here, bored, sick, tired, alone...bleh.

looking up bridesmaid dresses...every one i look at makes me feel more and more fat and grotesque...sok, no one will notice once they get past tara (who despite what she tells you looks gorgeous in her gown) and the matron of honour (who happens to be a model). i could wear a pink bunny suit and no one would notice (except from what i hear, maybe taras mom) so im still looking. found a couple reasonably priced gowns on ebay, but after last yr im slightly weary of dresses i cant try on first. im a weird fit. fat. plus sizes are too big and regular sizes are too small. chris and i have to figure out how were getting to the wedding, but im sure we'll figure something out. i'll be there, bunny!

mike gave me a demo last night to find a couple songs to audition with. it sounds completely different from what i remember from the myspace samples. i dunno if this is really what i want to do. im not sure he'd be willing to let me shake them up a little. they dont sounds bad, i guess, if youre into belle and sebastian. im just...not.

i apologize for all the whining today..im sick and feeling gross....i did pay for my new backdrops today. priced some new lighting (which is pretty far off)...

there was something else, but i cant find a good transition, so if its still important later, maybe ill post again...
heh
gonna go crawl into bed and try to sleep again

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So I woke up this morning feeling slightly on the sick side. A few moments later I was thrust violently beyond the "sick" border. I'm pretty sure it's ebola. No bleeding yet, but it's only a matter of time. No one with flu symptoms ever really has the flu. They always die of weird rare shit. "Sources tell us she complained of flue symptoms just moments before she burst into flames. Back to you, Tom."

I still attempted to make it to work. I actually got most of the way to the bus before I called Chris almost in tears and learned he's on his way home for the same thing. I have deep moral dilemas when I call out of work. 1) we really need the money. 2) i hate feeling like I'm letting people down, especially when I know we REALLY need staff right now. Tonights our first digital training class, and I really hope I don't miss it.



*sigh* as soon as he gets home I'm goin back to sleep...
this shoebox officaly quarantined...

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So I have several head problems that make me skittish. I see things alot, and it's hard for me to differentiate between real and "in my head". That being said, I was raised half wiccan (we'll discuss my actual belief system at a later date), so there's always been a bit of "otherworldness" to my life. I do believe in ghosts and spirits that inhabit the earth. I've seen and felt enough in my life to know that there's definitely something here in the world besides what we can see everyday.

This being said...Chris is generally somewhat of a skeptic. When my head act up, he's the one to bring me back and make me feel safe. If there's something real I feel, he generally lets it go, but has told me he doesn't believe in it. It happened in our old apt...but apparently it also happens here. This time, he brought it up. Who knows, maybe the crazy's just rubbing off on him, but maybe there really is something living with us. When the skeptic turns reporter, I have to wonder.

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so i decided to lie down while the laundry was in the wash. ive had a headache all day (i know, what else is new), and man, before i knew it...it's almost 11pm! chris should be home soon, so ill get to see if they have a new lead vocalist yet. im bummed that they passed on me, but i hope they find someone who fits their sound really well.

now im sitting here playing really loud music to try and pretend im not scared of my empty apt sometimes...

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