I reached the pinnacle (thus far) of my sickness today.

I wake up feeling sore...everywhere. From there I discover nausea and a headache to top the richter scales, accompanied by coughing fits that make my brain joggle around in my skull. These coughing fits do two things. One, they make the soreness turn from annoying to almost unbearable, meaning I almost cry, pass out, or scream. Two, I am now convinced theres a tiny fluffy kitten stuck in my chest, and he is vehemently trying to claw his poor little way out of my solar plexus. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to talk, and it hurts to cough...and EVERYTHING makes me cough. Somehow I manage to make it through a six hour shift with only relative issues. My photography was off due to a combination of feeling like death-on-a-stick and a couple really hectic children. I like how my photography and work in general is only discussed when there are problems. I also like how when I have a good sitting the praise is lavished on the person who made the sale. I don't mind my inconsistencies being brought o my attention, I only ask for equal acknowledgment that I also produce beautiful work, and that sittings do not always give me the opportunity to make everything perfect. If the block was the only thing keeping him IN the box before he threw it out, I can't help that it remained on the floor next to the box for the brief time he smiled and stayed put.

But I digress....
I get home and immediately go to bed, where I sleep until Chris wakes me up to go with him to the grocery store. We spend an hour at ACME....an excrutiatingly painful hour I might add..A couple times I almost sit on the floor until someone decided to carry me home in a shopping cart, but I stick it out, and finally we make it home.

If I thought I could sleep, or that lying down wouldn't cause further pain, I's go back to bed. I told Chris I'd cook ravioli tonight, but I'm not sure it's going to happen. Sorry, hunny.

*coughhackcough* out.

Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Categories: sick [t]

my ear wants me to stick sharp object into it until i cant feel it anymore....
so painful.

in more exciting news...
ive got a pretty nice shoot lined up in a couple weeks.
a girl from philly who wants pregnancy shots.
really really artistic stuff.
shes excited to work with me, so im really excited to shoot it.
shes got some cool piercings apparently.
so far we've got some good ideas.

now i just need to get some paying jobs.
so we can actually have a christmas.

Comment! (6) | Recommend! | Categories: sick [t], photography [t]

So I woke up this morning feeling slightly on the sick side. A few moments later I was thrust violently beyond the "sick" border. I'm pretty sure it's ebola. No bleeding yet, but it's only a matter of time. No one with flu symptoms ever really has the flu. They always die of weird rare shit. "Sources tell us she complained of flue symptoms just moments before she burst into flames. Back to you, Tom."

I still attempted to make it to work. I actually got most of the way to the bus before I called Chris almost in tears and learned he's on his way home for the same thing. I have deep moral dilemas when I call out of work. 1) we really need the money. 2) i hate feeling like I'm letting people down, especially when I know we REALLY need staff right now. Tonights our first digital training class, and I really hope I don't miss it.



*sigh* as soon as he gets home I'm goin back to sleep...
this shoebox officaly quarantined...

Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Categories: work [t], sick [t]

The game was really great! We won, and the weather turned out to be even a bit warmer than I was dressed for! It was really nice out. A few times the Marlins were within 2 runs from a tie, but we pulled it through. Saw a couple homeruns.. unfortunately no 59th from Howard. Our seats were really nice, and the crowd around us was pretty good too. I saw a mom with her 4 kids (the littlest one all decked out for the game) and thought "I want that to be me someday...doin cool shit with my kids like that."

On the way home we stopped near our old apt in the city for gelato. Mmmm...gelato. They were having some sort of food/alcohol festival in the old hood, but we were both starting to break down, so we booked it home asap. An inflamation Chris had is bothering him again, and I've got a new issues that I'm going to have to make an appointment for ASAP. Unfortunately these things ALWAYS happen on weekends...so there you have it. Tryin to aleviate pain and inflammation as much on my own as possible...wish me luck.

Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Categories: phillies [t], sick [t]

First an update on my ebay situation...I sent the guy a message explaining what happened, all very diplomaticaly I must add, and I get a snide reply message stating "as far as we're concerned, we sent the items to your confirmed address and have no more say in the matter." I immediately went to PayPal to open a case against him, restating everything I'd already said. Now, their resolution center serves as an official mediator so two parties can work things out on t heir own. The parties have 20 days to either resolve the situation or escalate the case to a "claim" which means PayPal decides the outcome. The seller pretty much reiterated his "confirmed address" bullshit and escalated it to a claim himself. Asshole. So now I'm waiting for PayPal's decision. Then I go to ebay. He's definitely getting some extremely negative feedback from me.

In other news, I bid on and won a dress for Tara's wedding today. Hopefully it fits...according to the measurements it should.

Somehow tonight my blood sugar is 500, and I don't like that. I can't call out tomorrow, and I'm going to be exhausted. Hopefully at least the number goes down overnight.

I finally got an endocronology appointment..for December because the new woman I'm trying to get an appointment with is on maternity leave. But at least I finally have a date!

<<<>>>

In addition to all this, my depression cycle is back, and this time taking a huge toll in addition to my other stresses, first and foremost being money. I seriously considered giving up my photography today. It costs me a lot of money, and I don't see affording a new camera being in my near future at all, especially since it's going to cost us a lot of money for a new car, and this one's coming up for inspection in a few months, which doesn't give us much time to make a decision. I'm trying so hard to keep afloat, I DONT know how we're covering bills AND rent (which is due in a week), and I'm tired of falling further and further. I've always had fairly good credit, and now it's all falling apart because we CANT save and we're NOT getting by every month. The guy interested in me singing for his band gave me a demo, and as much as I TRY to learn t hese songs I can't. I don't like them. I don't like the style, I don't like the words...I just don't feel it. Do I want to sing? More than anything, that's why I'm trying to be satisfied here. I wanted to play with Chris more than anything, but they decided I'm not right for them. I was disappointed with my audition for them, but they assured me it was great, so I had some hope...all I want is one chance. One night behind a mic. I miss it. I miss the life that fills me on a stage. I just don't know how to get there again. That's why I'm trying so hard to dig what Mike's doing...it's just not me... so what do i do? I feel like giving up everything that makes me happy or passionate...i feel like id almost be better if i were a drone content to work all the time so we could get a car...ive been crying all day for no good goddamned reason, and im really tired of it...no wonder my blood sugars so high...i just cant do this anymore tonight...*sigh* i cant concentrate anymore...im goin to bed...

Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Categories: sick [t], ebay [t], life [t], dress [t]

The last 2 days I've felt extreme motion sickness. Whenever I stand up, I walk too quickly, I sit on the bus/in the car, anything, I almost throw up...ugh. This sucks.

Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Categories: sick [t]