is like riding an extremely painful, immensely heavy bike...gods i'm sore after not being at work for almost a month...i also realized how sore and shaken i still am from the original bruising...ugh...i can't wait til THAT stops hurting.

so the past few days have been a bit of a roller coaster for me...i'm not sure why, really...just been very fickle...

meh...i'm too tired and sore to type anymore...

gnight all....

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So I didn't call my grandma yesterday...I'm terrible...mainly because 1. I never told her about the accident, 2. I need to ask for money...I didn't want to do either of those things on the anniversary of the day she lost her only daughter. I'll call her tomorrow from the store.

The other night our power went out....which led to a rather heated argument with the landlord about the state of things and PECO offering to make threats of their own, especially since by then I was reaching :medical emergency" level, not to mention the bottles of insulin baking in the fridge...he told us to make other arrangements and hung up on me...at this point I was dehydrated, and we hadn't had power (cold anything) for 14 hours, I had woken up about 4am not able to move or breath and chad and chris had to pump me full of water, and I was scared because I was panicky...so I flipped out, and I was in tears by the time his wife called to ask me to talk to him and work things out...I couldn't...I was feeling so sick by then, but chris (God bless his heart) talked to him for an hour or so and smoothed everything out. Whew. I really do want to make that apt work. I don't want to move again, and the space itself is nice...

I made it through yesterday pretty well...and Saturday I get to go back to work...I'm not sure how this shift is going to work for me, where I'm going to stay on weekends, or how I'd get home if I didn't find a place to stay...but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...I'm going to experiment Saturday and see how much it costs to take a taxi from 30th St Station to Manayunk. Any locals know?

Today I finally got together with Trevor and Brock for band practice, after a 2 month hiatus. We worked on a few things... seems like a good fit. Looks like we should be able to get together weekly again. Hopefully we'll have enough songs soon to play some open mics. We have one completed so far, just needs a few finishing touches. :)

Well...one more day, then it's back to the old routine...I'm kind of looking forward to the routine...

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i havent had that dream in months....its evolved over the months...nate asked me once to let him untie me, but i dont think he really meant it...the core remains....im here...shes there...over time i was tied to a tree...birds, lots of birds...swooping and pecking.....and whispering...they whisper but i cant understand...if i could only understand the words...i tried to shoo them away and help her, but in time the dream evolved...and now im tied to a tree...shes always the same...and as in most dreams, i know shes dead but alive in my dream (there's a different recurring dream where i dont realize that until halfway through) ...shes there watching...i scream for her to go, run, save herself, but she wont...she doesnt speak...just watches with his terribly pained look on her face..like she cant help me...the look any mother watching her daughter be devoured would have...i tried to untie myself one and they loomed over her as if to threaten..."you get away, shes next"....so i stayed....i tried to listen....sometimes her look says "please, just listen to them! understand!"...its hard to listen to things that are striking and pecking...the dream evolves, but i still cant listen...

i always wake up screaming or crying....

it's not even ALMOST wednesday yet....

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i woke up yesterday with one of the worst migraines i've had in a long time...had me out cold most of the day, and it's threatening to put me down again today. the only reason i'm not asleep now is because i gave in and needed to do laundry, which means walking the block or so a few times..man i'm out of shape after not being able to do much for a few weeks...ugh, i feel disgusting...i know i've gained a bout 10lbs, but i feel like i've gained a thousand...DISgusting...

so i thought i had more to write, and i do except that i have no energy or thought at the moment...stay tuned...

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So, we finally have hot water...the only problem now is now that we have 2 pipes functioning as they should the water pressure is ridiculous. Yes, ladies and gentleman, our shower is now a fire hose. It takes some feat of waterworks to have me huddled in the corner like its bitch before I even get to conditioner. That's cleaning by excoriation...not only did I lose a cup size or two, but I'm pretty sure the shower actually CREATED new pores...then cleaned them.

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Last night ended up being not too bad. We got to Pat Shamrock's a little late, but we managed to catch most of the first band after unloading all the gear from Brian's car. From there the drinking began, and I daresay I tested my limits for not having been out drinking in a while. It didn't help that the bartender was gorgeous, inked, and gave me a few free ones. The guys originally had been told they were going third, but when they went to set up the band hosting the show had already taken over. Apparently they'd decided that they were tired or people were leaving or something, so they decided to go third instead...leaving the guys stuck with a close to empty room almost their entire set. I felt really bad for them. We got some good video (I hope) and pictures, and it was definitely a good show for them to diagnose things to tighten up for future shows, but they did sound pretty good to me. There just wasn't anyone there.

After the show the three of us sat in the parking lot for a little while discussing our current living situation amongst other things. It's been a while since we've been able to just sit around and talk. I think last night was a good step towards having that good friendship again. On the way home we stopped at 7-11 for some water and food, and as soon as I was done eating I was out cold.

Last night I had a couple extremely disturbing dreams...not scary, just off-putting...maybe portentious...I dunno...I woke up not feeling right about it...

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