This weekend was well...full.
Friday night the boys and I met up with Eric at a bar he frequents. There was good music, strong drinks, and a pool table, so we were happy. Eric's good company, and he and Ryan seemed to have a good time shootin' the shit. We got up nice and early with the intention of getting our fencing authorizations out in NJ. A flat tire and a long ass registration line later it was too late, so we drove the 2.5 hours back home unauthorized then off for another 2.5 hour drive! The drum circle was amazing, the group fantastic, and the conversation lasting through parts of the next day was amazing. We didn't want to leave but there were chores on both sides of the conversation and I was feeling kinda sick from being so upset and freaked out the night before. (Jenn does not do well with the informed knowledge of the presence of venomous spiders roaming free in the house...especially one with so many nooks, crannies, and potted plants.) Waffle House and sleep on the way home, along with some interesting conversation I'll get into later.

Today I got the OK to go back to work....Huzzah! *ding* We're both very excited about this. He's making pretty good money, and I'll have my check coming in...fantastic! We might even have money to save at the end of the month once we're all paid off! I'm going to see an apartment in the city tomorrow, and the landlady for the place near Rich's sounds optimistic about our paperwork. I also got word today that I may have my first gallery showing in 4 or so years! There's a split gallery in downtown West Chester I should be showing in through the month of August! Now to think of what I want to hang for it? Any modeling volunteers?


So now for the serious stuff...
We've been having the "where will we eventually settle down" argument since the beginning. If we have one serious issue, that's it. City mouse with no license and a crippling fear of motor vehicles marries a country mouse who really isn't happy being away from the natural energies and you can guess where the conversation goes. He doesn't want to be in PA forever, and neither do I. However, he'd like to move to Montana where I'd like to return to California. I know he's hesitant about leaving his home. I've done it, and I know how it feels to pack up and leave. What are my concerns about NOT moving back? I miss the Bay Area, I really do, and I've always wanted to raise my kids for at least a part of their lives there. I also miss my family, and they're not going to be there forever. My grandparents are getting older, my dad's getting older, and in 20 years I don't want to regret not being around more. If I go inflight, I can solve some of this anxiety for me, but what about my children. Will they ever get to spend Christmas with MY family since we're supposed to be here with Ryan's? Will my dad be able to fly to see us ever? I do have my issues about being away from the city. I enjoy the culture and life in a city, but as long as we're not 4 hours away I can deal with the distance. Ryan assures me we'll still do things and go out, that we can still spend time in the city. To be honest, I wouldn't mind the change of pace one I can get over this fear and get my license. So now we're talking about joining this group of people, talking about making it a serious part of our lives. He's hesitant because he's afraid it'll give him one more stress factor about leaving here. He's worried he'll get involved and attached,, so he's letting it give him hesitation about being involved at all. My concern is..what if we never leave? And we're STILL not involved? We could go through this every year and never take either action. Even if we did move, I don't want this to be a point of regret. More importantly, I don't want the next step in our journey both together and individually to be stunted because we're afraid it might be an important one. I'm concerned about cutting our paths short for a long time and not being spiritually fulfilled because of what may or may not happen. I understand his concerns, I really do. I just don't know that we should limit ourselves because of this. I think for now I've convinced him to see it through, especially until we see about this inflight thing. It may never happen either. then we'll have a completely new set of decisions to make. Ah the joys of decisions that effect more than just me.....

"Shootin' the shit" is such a funny expression. Unfortunately, it goes so badly with "You look like shit."
» randomjunk on 2008-04-01 05:39:07

R:C
Well, I was supposed to take the BART to Fremont, but the last train was at like 12:30ish (which is bullshit) so I just missed it.

I was SO pissed. You'd think they'd run the trains a bit later, ESPECIALLY on a Saturday night, but I guess not...
» ranor on 2008-04-03 12:40:41

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